I'm in a tense turning point in my li... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

89,554 members83,821 posts

I'm in a tense turning point in my life.....need some advice!!!!

Dreamer468 profile image
21 Replies

Everyone

My situation is getting worse. I'm concerned about my career. Because I'm planning about dropping out of college. I thought a lot about it. I cant concentrate in my studies, my social life college is bad, emotional ups and downs, bad grades. I dont feel like going to college anymore. I've found an another way. If I choose that way, I have to drop out of college. Even the college degree dont have that much value in the state, no value out the state+ 90% I'm sure that I won't pass every sem and finish it with good grades.

Another problem I'm worried is about my parents. They already put 25% of fees in college. I dont think I should waste 2 more years and remaining money where I would only gets tired and depression all the time. My parents always worries about me and tell me "you focus on your studies, always think about how much hardwork we're taking to put through college and other needs". I know they're not trying to make more worried, they just want me to study and secure my future. But my mind sees is as an "emotional blackmail", which makes me even more weaker.....

I'm worried guys.......

Written by
Dreamer468 profile image
Dreamer468
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
21 Replies
Dolphin14 profile image
Dolphin14

As a mother I would encourage my daughters to follow their dreams. Their life is not mine to dictate.

Of course we would like our children to follow a certain path. But that's what we want. It's not always what the young adult wants to do.

Others may have different opinions. That's how I feel.

I also don't like their words to you. I never would have said that to my kids.

I hope things work out for you.

jesca18 profile image
jesca18 in reply to Dolphin14

I wish I had had a parent like you. It would have been nice to have been given support to be myself and live MY life.

Dolphin14 profile image
Dolphin14 in reply to jesca18

I'm sorry you are struggling. It's a tough spot to be in.

How much schooling do you have left? Is this something you can discuss with your parents?

Do you think a conversation with your parents is the next step? Can you get home at the weekend , let them know you need to talk with them urgently.

My Life was similar, I left College and I took a job with a company that did similar although the problem was the position was much more specialized and I had to go back to College to convert my then early qualifications.

No-one here can advise you what you should do, if you are stuck and cannot hack the course you are on, fair enough, although I gather Her it is mostly caused by it affecting your Social Life. Life in something you do not enjoy you need to move on. However you have to consider what you wish to do for the future and the waste of education. You have a problem no-one can scratch but yourself. There must be some interest in the subject. However remember if it is the wrong for your future, or if you have found the education unsuitable, you need to take the Bull by the Horns and make your decisions. A lifetime in the wrong place can be real hell. Talk to your Parents, although I feel like they know how unhappy you feel.

Medications and education do not mix, take the drugs and you will not concentrate and make matters worse. Consider what your needs and expectations on both sides of the fence. I was eventually retired after thirty years and I have not worked since then. I suffered Meningitis and a rare form of Arthritis, Now at sixty nine my Memory suffers Short Term Memory Disorder, the Arthritis and I am unable to regulate the blood supply to my Brain, because of damage to my spine and neck, You need to consider various peoples expectations. Be happy if possible, you do not need to be happy some people hate what they do for most of their lives

BOB

ChovanTang profile image
ChovanTang

Take the other way, do whatever you want to do. And yes, that's emotional blackmail. My parents did that a lot

LadyZen profile image
LadyZen

I remember my son had a tough semester. It was because he was in a major he didn't enjoy, Engineering. I advised him to change it to something else, something more suitable for him. My brother had the same experience, he was Comp Sci. My parents finally told him to switch to something else. Before you drop out completely, I would consider if maybe you're just in the wrong major.

I was a pre-pharm major and switched and I'm so glad I did. Also, I worked and put myself through school and burnt out one semester. I was suffering from PTSD, so I took a semester off. Maybe consider just taking a semester off.

These are just some other options to consider along with your option to drop out because life is not black and white. It's many shades of gray.

Dreamer468 profile image
Dreamer468 in reply to LadyZen

I understand your son's condition. But on my analysis, it won't be solved with taking off a semester. Since the first semester I started to feel tired and depressed. I think it was due to social anxiety and communicating with others, making friends and stuff+ heavy stress and anxiety of studies..... I think I have to make a change now. Otherwise I'll lose 2 more years of my life...... I don't find college life suiting for me. I'm looking forward on getting job which I'm preparing.....

LadyZen profile image
LadyZen in reply to Dreamer468

And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Your happiness is the most important thing.

Dreamer468 profile image
Dreamer468 in reply to LadyZen

You know my parents tells me college is important. But I don't see the point. Because the college I'm in isn't the good. The certificate from there can be only used in my state (kerala, India). Plus I dont see me graduating through this mess....I'm looking forward for getting a job

Dreamer468 profile image
Dreamer468 in reply to Dreamer468

I'm confused

LadyZen profile image
LadyZen in reply to Dreamer468

Ahhh, your parents must be Indian. Mine are Korean. Education is really engrained in our cultures. Our countries were devastated by colonization and war, and education was what lifted people out of poverty. If they are typical Asian parents, they will come around over time. My parents flipped out when I changed my major and decided to leave the medical route.

quitter333 profile image
quitter333

Do it, it's your life. Be smart with your choices. Don't do stuff on a whim.

Repay parents with having happy life. That is all they want.

If you got a promising opportunity, there is no shame in saving TIME (something you can't buy or ever get back) and do whatever you want.

College de facto is a place to make connections and get a certificate. A smart person will learn for himself regardless of college.

Dolphin14 profile image
Dolphin14 in reply to quitter333

Great points

Dreamer468 profile image
Dreamer468 in reply to quitter333

I'm confused somewhat about my parents. They still tell me that college is important. But I dont see the point. I'm already preparing for getting a job which would secure my future..... but still I wanna move forward with my decision..

quitter333 profile image
quitter333 in reply to Dreamer468

The move. Be decisive.

I went to Uni and had great time and met many important people. I did not have the learning as I go experience in exchange and did it after Uni.

You simply are doing same but the other way around.

Universities are great for meeting highly intellectual people and for many they are very good. For many not.

It REALLY depends on what will you do with your prospect career.

I'd say it is a bad move tho already have spent 25% though, but if your job actually has perspective, do it. Make sure it actually will get you some money so you can actually give it to parents.

..

At the end of our lives it is usually the choices we did not make, we regret most.

Many businessmen start during uni and leave, as business demands constant work not compatible with constant education.

If you already are educated and smart, chances are you will continue researches on your own.

If you want to pursuit academic career, uni is a must. If not - optional.

If your only reason is that you are not sure, then you should trust people who say it is important on the other hand.

If you were sure, you would not ask questions like this.

..

Also before you do your move - be sure to do it in a smart fasion. E.g. unis may have lost of legal obstacles where you will have to pay extra if you drop, as well as have safety nets, where money you invested is either returned(!) or kept when you restart uni (e.g. 5 years later). Be very smart and research the deals you make and don't leave consequences just for the destiny. Be sure that choice A will have positive consequences 1,2,3 and negative 4 .. and chocie B will have positive 3,4 and negative 1,2 .

Evaluate them all from the point of view of monetary value, personal value. Personal value should be your interests + your skills. E.g. if you are super skilled in IT, but do not want to do it as a career, perhaps it is more valuable to suppress personal wants and actually complete education and earn quick $. If you have enrolled in programs you do not enjoy at all, and do not plan to pursue, those are indeed wasted time and money.

! and one more point about being smart - even if you dislike the current program you have enrolled in, chances are no matter what your prospect job is, there is uni/college program, that concerns this particular job/field. E.g. you love agriculture. - You should carefully check, if there is possibility to transfer the paid $ to the faculty/college you actually want, and actually learn the thing you want.

If your prospect job is something short-term, that pays good, you should evaluate it whether it will bring you skills or money to survive 5 years later. E.g. becoming a professional yo-yo master gained a little attention and money in 90's and is absolutely useless skill now.

Dreamer468 profile image
Dreamer468 in reply to quitter333

I'm totally confused now. I'm thinking about talking about this to my doctor

Dreamer468 profile image
Dreamer468 in reply to Dreamer468

I haven't told my parents yet, I'm afraid of their reaction. So I'm thinking about telling doctor about it and let him tell them the way they understand my situation

quitter333 profile image
quitter333 in reply to Dreamer468

Confused about what?

That either choice is actually good? They are. You just should evaluate them, and chose one. Doesn't even matter if it is actually the best, as long as it makes you happy, but evaluation is pretty reasonable step imho. I gave you examples and tactics to look at. Especially regarding the 25% payment in Uni - one should at least try not to lose it, unless money is not an issue.

Poodie profile image
Poodie

Hi Dreamer.

I am just going to throw a bunch of ideas your way.

It sounds like you want a break from uni at this time. Maybe that is what you should tell your parents, along with how you want and need to make your own choices.

I don’t know when you started uni or how possible it is to get some money back. Plenty of young adults decide to withdraw for mental health reasons

No one should dictate what you do with your life. And you should not choose uni or any job to appease someone else. That is a tough thing for parents to realize sometimes. They need to let go of who they want you to be and let you live your own life and be yourself.

The most important thing is for you is to be happy and feel satisfied with the work you choose.

There is no wrong or right here.

Having a uni degree does not make anyone better or more important then any other person on this earth. Some people are more suited for the kind of learning you get at uni.

Having a uni degree may enable you to earn more money.

No matter what you do, remember to respect and love yourself.

Maybe it is not your time to be in school. If you decide not to continue, that does not prohibit you from going back to school later in your life.

Plenty of adults choose to go back to school.

Plenty of adults choose not to go or go on to a training program related to their work.

You have many years ahead of you to work, change your mind, work somewhere else, change careers.

Working may give you some idea about what you want to do with your life.

Working can be a valuable life experience for you and help you decide what you want to do in life.

Also throwing your way lots of good wishes. Please keep us posted.

Good luck talking to your parents.

College education is important these days because almost everyone is educated in something even trades. I went to college at 29 yrs old. I had good then crap jobs. I knew lots of guys that had nice cars good jobs out of high school then ... they ended and were trapped in car payments and other things. Things. I don’t know what it’s like in India if it’s easy to make a living to have a family without an education because chances are .. you’ll have a family one day. I wish I went to college for something else as I don’t make enough money. But I make more than I did without it & I have that slip of paper showing I finished something.

Your social life matters but doesn’t. It’s secondary & most of those people in it now won’t be around down the road but your diploma will. I’m just saying I’d think on it & May e switch your major.

You may also like...

Need some support and advice

reaching out right now for any support or advice anyone can give. I’m struggling really bad in what...

Need some support and advice for anxiety and life changes

I had a really bad weekend. I turned to alcohol and I need to not do that. I lost a friend because

I need some advice...

days the negative thoughts are a little more difficult to push out because the stress of trying to...

I need some advice on mirtazapine please my caring friends..

thyroid antibodies only just found out after a blood test ..doctor put me on medication for that...

Help! I'm new and just need some help...

and I lay there worrying all night. I'm having nightmares from the PTSD I have about my pets beingi...