Nothing helps

[Annie1213]

I am a very busy mom of 5 and run a hobby farm with my husband. Long story short, in 2018 I found out my husband was having an emotional affair with his ex (his daughters mom). We have worked extremely hard to make it work and most days we are stronger than ever, he has been totally supportive and transparent. I go to therapy and am medicated but I'm having a time and my MDD, anxiety, and OCD is going bonkers. I have no interest in literally anything and my dreams are returning. They wake me with a start and I can't get back to sleep so I'm exhausted. My husband suggested I start talking and forming relationships with others that understand. Any help or support will be absolutely wonderful. Thank you.

[litethatnevergoesout]

so sorry about your woes. what keeps you and your husband together?

[Annie1213 in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

It's been hard work but total transparency, support, and respecting boundaries plays a huge part.

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to Annie1213]

well good for you for doing what it takes to stand by his side.

[Dolphin14]

Annie1213

I'm very sorry to read this. Are you in counseling together?

🐬

[Annie1213 in reply to Dolphin14]

We did do marriage counseling for a while but in our very rural area it was hard to find a good match. However, I personally did and I incorporated many things with my husband and family and it helped

[Dolphin14 in reply to Annie1213]

I'm glad it helped

I wish you the best. Remember to take care of yourself

[Desperate4Happiness in reply to Annie1213]

Have you tried Virtual counseling? It might help in finding a good fit for the both of you.

Any idea what’s causing the spike in anxiety?

[Annie1213 in reply to Desperate4Happiness]

We attempted but many don't accept our insurance or are private, also he is an EMT with two full time jobs and volunteer FF, I hold down the fort with the kids, my daycare and little farm so available time is scarce. I do make time for my in person therapy and he and I do weekly "check ins" on each other. Holidays are extremely hard for me because it happened at Christmas time but this is not the typical time for a spike. Idk if I'm getting cabin fever or not but I have terrible social anxiety too so that's another complication. I feel stuck in a rut.

[secrets22]

I'm not surprised you are exhausted and i personally would find it difficult to remain on track, I would find it extremely difficult when a partner is seeing his previous partner, but of course having a daughter in the mix makes it doubly hard.

[Annie1213 in reply to secrets22]

Exactly, she will never be completely out of the picture but I know that he is committed to us since he has done everything possible and respects very clear boundaries. Unfortunately my anxiety brain always goes dark and goes to worst case scenarios. Even a disagreement (normal in marriage) makes me feel like he will want greener pastures. He assured me that it's just my diagnosis and he supports any outlet I need that helps. I just wish I could turn my brain off.

[Desperate4Happiness in reply to Annie1213]

Could it be that you think he’s gaslighting you? Sounds like you still don’t trust him completely (understandable) and additional counseling might be needed as well as boundary setting.

[Annie1213 in reply to Desperate4Happiness]

From the very beginning I set a very clear list of boundaries and expectations in order for this to work and he's gone above and beyond, at this point it's literally me and the residual effects. His transparency is excellent and he even put a tracker on his phone to help me.

[gajh]

Hello and Welcome. I can relate to the depression and anxiety. This is a great place to talk with people who understand and get support. Has your therapist helped you at all with self care yet? Are you finding some time to take care of you and not just everyone else?

[Annie1213 in reply to gajh]

Hello, and thank you. She tries but it's really my fault for not finding the time.

[gajh in reply to Annie1213]

It is not your fault. It sounds like you are very busy with your home and farm. Can you try to fit in even some small breaks here and there? Even just a few minutes to breathe?

[Annie1213 in reply to gajh]

I'm definitely going to try, even if kids are trying to follow 😂

[gajh in reply to Annie1213]

Maybe hide in the bathroom right?

[Annie1213 in reply to gajh]

Facts 😂, you must be somewhat familiar lol

[gajh in reply to Annie1213]

Actually no I must admit that I do not share that problem. I have endless time to myself.

[Annie1213 in reply to gajh]

At this moment, I'm super jealous lol

[gajh in reply to Annie1213]

Ha ha ha! I hope you can work on finding a little time for yourself. You do deserve it you know.

[Annie1213 in reply to gajh]

Thank you so much, I truly appreciate it ❤️

[gajh in reply to Annie1213]

How about if I challenge you and ask you to send me a message tomorrow after you do something good for yourself? Would that be too much pressure? Might it help you to do something good? I will support you, but only if that helps.

[Annie1213 in reply to gajh]

I am willing and ready, thank you again

[gajh in reply to Annie1213]

I will check in with you tomorrow if I don't hear from you first.

[gajh in reply to Annie1213]

Ok Annie I am checking in. Did you do something good for yourself? I hope so.

[Annie1213 in reply to gajh]

Hello, so sorry it's been a long day. I did actually, I waited till they went to bed, took a long shower and relaxed watching a movie. It was nice, uninterrupted and I slept great!

[gajh in reply to Annie1213]

Well done!!! Good for you! Now the trick is to try again tomorrow.

[Annie1213 in reply to gajh]

Absolutely, thank you so much. This is very helpful

[gajh in reply to Annie1213]

Nice! Then I will check in again tomorrow. Ok?

[Annie1213 in reply to gajh]

Sounds great!

[gajh in reply to Annie1213]

Oh no I did not check in. I am so sorry. I am thinking of you now. How are you doing?

[Annie1213 in reply to gajh]

It's ok lol, I'm doing good. Haven't had too much alone time in a couple days and I had a rough day at therapy but we are planning a camping trip next week so the prep is a lot but I'm excited to relax! Thank you so much for the check in, I really do appreciate it!

[gajh in reply to Annie1213]

It is so good to hear from you! I am so glad to hear you say that you are excited about the camping trip and relaxing. It is wonderful to have something to look forward to. What day are you leaving on your trip? Sorry therapy was rough. Is it usually rough? Don't forget to take care of yourself this weekend even while you are prepping.

[Annie1213 in reply to gajh]

We are going Monday through Friday, therapy was rough because I had to bring one of my kids in (he couldn't be in the waiting room because it was apparently sex offender day) so I had to censor myself and couldn't get what I needed out of therapy. But my older boys have been unusually good today 😂 so that's always a plus.

[gajh in reply to Annie1213]

Oh my gosh sex offender day!?!?! It must have been very difficult to talk at all. That is awesome that your older boys are having an unusually good day today. Enjoy that!! So is this camping trip out in the middle of nowhere in a tent or is it more luxurious?