Is it wrong or am I avoiding?

[CanuckAnon]

I did not even look at homework from CBT yesterday and am finding I am not motivated at all to get going on it. I found the whole thing so emotionally draining so perhaps this is why I am avoiding it now.

I think it’s also because of what tomm is. It’s never been a big deal and I was so out of it to put it mildly I haven’t noticed or known what day of the week it was for so long. This year I am hoping for a gesture of any sort. I understand why he has shut me out emotionally but it doesn’t make it any easier. It actually makes it harder on me now that I realize he did this a while back and still is. I find my insecurity, trust issues are hypersensitive all to ready to keep the steady stream of negative whispers in my ear about what he might be really doing when out with friends or when he does not make it home if he had too much to drink.

I can not expect him to just forget all the ugliness of the past 3ish years I spent in the dark pit and just resume as though nothing happened but at same time I can hope that he opens the door a bit right? Is that fair or am I being selfish? I’m having a hard time distinguishing between the negative thoughts spinning around my head and reality. He does do so much for me as it is. He makes sure I have a ride to doctors appointments, can get into town for groceries etc and has tried to give me a ride for some non medical related stuff but he does keep me at arms length while we do these things. He will not allow me to go places alone as he worries i might get dizzy, fall, hit my head, freak out in a crowd etc.

I guess I miss the sappy things, hugs, feeling his arms around me so i am feeling sorry for myself and not being grateful for all he does now and has done for past 11 years....

Better start that gratitude book and perhaps get going on CBT exercises despite how hard I find them and how emotionally draining they are on me..

Just needed to get that out...

[Agora1]

Hi CanuckAnon, I went back and read your first post so I could understand more

about all you have been through (including your husband). Mental health issues

no matter what they are from can be so draining on any partner. The fact that you

are in pain and have medical issues just makes it more complex.

CBT is an emotionally draining step to take. Who wants to hurt some more before

getting well. But sometimes, that's the best thing to do. Avoiding and hiding from the

situation never makes it better. Addressing it head on, although difficult, can make

the difference in healing from your emotional pain.

You are blessed in having a husband who worries enough about you that he always

makes sure you are not in harm's way. However, emotionally he feels the pain that

he can't help you more, enough to get the woman back that he fell in love with.

It's not your fault, it's not his fault. We are all human, needing comfort and love.

I hope you take advantage of the therapy before you, no matter how hard it may be.

Maybe just maybe if your husband sees you improving or at least trying, he will feel

less of the weight on his shoulders and with that a closeness may ensue once again.

All this didn't happen overnight and won't just disappear. With our help, your courage

and belief that things can change, you will take that first step forward. You're not alone xx

[CanuckAnon in reply to Agora1]

Perfect response! I needed that... now that I have read this I can see the truth in what you said.

Yes I will get back to it... you are 100% correct. Thanks for the dose of reality in such a gentle supportive way! 😎😊 it was exactly what I needed!

[Agora1 in reply to CanuckAnon]

xx

[CanuckAnon in reply to Agora1]

Wish I could “pin” your response to something so when I’m feeling like this I could read it!

[Hollick]

I took CBT once, glad for it...understood the concept clearer, basically thinking positive? the tricky part is thinking positive ALL THE TIME? I think most wud find that unrealistic...its a lifelong commitment, practice one has to make, a lot cannot. Its difficult.

[CanuckAnon in reply to Hollick]

I remember what I was like and how I used to enjoy life... I want this back. I don’t care if it’s hard.... most things in life that require work are the most rewarding at least in my experience.

I hoping that once I can learn the foundation and put that to practice I can keep building on that as I progress... work becomes habits so it seems 2nd nature.

If it was all so easy it would not stick... it’d be like putting race stripes on a chevette thinking that will make it faster alone without replacing the engine, suspension etc....