This is just my fault, right?

[Steph2293]

These past weeks were awful. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I don't have a purpose in life and I can't find a solution.

I find classes stressful and difficult. I don't have the material to become a lawyer. I can't participate in class, less talk in public. I don't have the critical thinking of a lawyer. I'm just good at study and memorizing things.

Years of being at Law School have just tormented me. Hating myself for not being able to like something about this career. Feeling that I'm not enough.

This is just my fault, right?

[Hidden]

Isn't there someone you could use to help you in your studies? Maybe talk to people who have done the course - join facebook group or something you can do? YouTube has a lot of educational subject matter and the internet - something of value to you?

[Hidden]

If you really feel like this isn't the career you want, perhaps you should look into doing something different. I know making money is important, but I also think it's important to like something about the job you do, or you're just going to dread going to work. That's just what I think. I'm trying to figure out career goals for myself too, and I'm probably way older than you are. You can at least try to research some other careers online that you think you may be more interested in doing. If you could have any job, what would you really want to do???

[Steph2293 in reply to Hidden]

I always liked Literature and History, it was something I was good at. Some persons told me I was good explaining these topics and it was fun doing it. I always wanted a neat job, like librarian. I'm good at organizing things and very detailed.

[Hidden in reply to Steph2293]

Well, maybe that would be better to pursue that!!! I'm dealing with my own set of troubles career-wise myself. I'm just trying to get some kind of part time job now, and I'm talking to this guy who is an employment specialist and this morning he didn't communicate with me well about what could be an opportunity at a supermarket and I'm worried that I blew the job opportunity and I'm irritated with him. Sorry to go on about myself, but I don't know what this guy really wants, I feel like I'm being treated poorly by him.

[smilezz]

its Not Your Fault .

[Hidden]

A lot of us don't know what our purpose in life is. My friend got her JD, worked in law for less than one year, hated it, and is now a waitress. There are many things you can do without having to speak in public. You don't have to go to court. Maybe there's a specialty you'd like, will and trusts? Patents? You don't need critical thinking for that. You become an expert in one thing by memorizing the law in that one area. Find your niche. And not all lawyers are that smart. My friend didn't pass the CA bar until her 6th try. You are you and that's enough. Your fault? That tells me you are too hard on yourself, just like the rest of us on this site. Be proud of yourself for pushing through what is a challenging degree. I'll bet everyone in that class feels similarly.

[Steph2293 in reply to Hidden]

Few people told me that, but it's really hard to like something you're not passionate about it. I always had this image I need to keep, people think because I'm responsible at my studies and work I'm this perfect human being, and when you don't meet their standards they're just shocked.

"You?!" "How can you get that note?!"

I don't like that but little I can do about it.

[Hidden in reply to Steph2293]

Actually there's a lot you can do. Your life is up to you. It doesn't matter AT ALL what people think. Your self esteem is not based on how people look at you, it's how you look at yourself. You are never going to meet other peoples' expectations of you and even if you do it won't make YOU happy. Something just happened in my life that solidified that knowledge. You must live your life for yourself. You make decisions based upon what YOU want out of life, not someone else. If you have a passion for something else pursue that. Personally I would find something in the field you've already spent money on if possible. Or get your degree and do something else if you are almost done. Just don't do what my neighbor friend did and was one class short of his master's degree. He looks back with regret. Imagine yourself at 70 years old and looking back on your life. What would you tell yourself? Or imagine you are advising your close friend in the same situation. And btw you aren't perfect. You never will be. I strived for that the first part of my life and it brought me nothing but misery. Also many people are not passionate about what they do in life. Unless you know what will bring you happiness you will always feel that way regardless of the direction you go. I'm 52 and still have found nothing that I am passionate about, especially related to work. The only reason you have an image to keep up is because you choose that. Choose to be your own person, not someone else's creation of who they think you are or are supposed to be.

[JustinWomack]

It’s not your fault at all, sometimes we try things and realize we might not want to continue perusing that and that is completely okay! You’re worth it, you’re important and you matter! I believe you can move pass this and be better for it! You’re strong and very important to many people

[MrRigatoni]

Hello pleased to meet you sorry to hear you blaming yourself.

Please can I add not your ever your fault. Why suffer why consider a failure.

Expectations high esteem standards always.

Is that important?

Is that necessary untold pressure to conform ?

Be a part of something every one needs to be evaluated look at them selves.

What is insanity madness being in the same role job for thirty years till your drop down dead after exhaustion.

Or giving and seeking those opportunities and goals.

Is this about money? Is this about loneliness ?

Is this about the parents you have wanting you to be a success ?

All answers are in your hands and solutions.

When being in a dead end job highly qualified and am doing work roles as such putting letters on files stamping and just sitting about bored.

Need to change get away so here is my tip.

List all your skills attributes talents and include social practical, vocational.

Could be hobbies, interests can contribute any brain storming ideas daft silly include.

Use what you got avenues other paths roads.

For example what do you like doing makes you happy.

Using the other column put to each ones the disadvantages of any thing you have any obstacles or stones.

Then consider looking then see what you can do and simply achieve, new career.

I gave up the office work as mentioned the way got treated. Money no motivation.

Set up successful business had employed staff, became own boss. Exciting demanding, stimulating, on the edge.

Looked at everything said to you.

Life is what you make it look at perspectives others who may not have the oportunities you have .

Volunteering where ever you live reside in the World makes a difference.

Pales into sigficance life seeing those dying hospice hospitals or seriously ill mental health charities.

How that suddenly makes you look at fulfilment and rewards are minimal.

Sasifaction comes in small burst but seeing these amazing lovely children or adults dying shocks you in submission makes you think.

Many times think how they never going to be growing up enjoy the things you can and enjoy.

Volunteering can mean working my greatest pleasure helping those and by cooking meals in kitchens it is a small part of me saying can help you.

Go home happy smiling.

Just a thought.

Please take care

Final thoughts if we put a stone in our path do we stop or go around or over.

[Steph2293 in reply to MrRigatoni]

Is this about money? Yes.

My father always had these perfect plan for us (including my sister). And one thing was to get into a good university and get a good (money) job.

Is this about the parents you have wanting you to be a success ? Yes.

I always had the need to meet my parents (especially my father) expectations. Example: One of my father rules was to always get an A, if you got less than that yo should be ashamed for that result. The result: When I was on middle school I got a B on Science and I was afraid to get home. There was one time when my father trow my report car to my face because of my low grade at Math. I was always afraid on getting low grades because of that stress was always present. The fear of disappointing my father was to high and that followed till University. I wanted to study Literature, but my father told me that career doesn't pay well enough(over and over). So I had no other options and I was pretty desmaoralized, and I just followed my father advice and choose Law. I got in and beginning to study. I thought if I just got good grades were enough but the classes were tedious and I just went with the flow. I had these breakdowns but I thought they were normal. Finally I had this major breakdown and I started to scape classes.

Two years ago I stopped from going to Law School. I thought it was futile. Depression hit me and the results were awful: I tried to end my life. Long story short, my family were more supportive because of my condition but going back to Law School was mandatory. I had to get back there and end it.

Now I'm lost, because I don't know what to do.

[pink318]

Hi Steph- I just want to share to you what I had experienced when I was in college. I wanted to get Psychology but I ended up getting Engineering. Math is not my favorite subject so it was hard but I thank God that I was able to finish my course. After I graduated, I worked in the Engineering field even though I did not pass the board exam but Psychology was still on my mind.

When I was in college, I had a classmate who became my friend, he’s a man but we became very close friends that led to dating. We dated for 5 years and he became my husband. I thought being in the Engineering course was a setback but it turned out to be a blessing.

I shared this to you to let you know that it's’ not your fault. Just do what you can do and please don’t be hard on yourself. Ask help from your friends or anyone who knows about your course. By the way, I don’t work in Engineering but I am in the Counselling field. I studied a short-term course so I can still achieve my dream of getting into a Psychology course. It’s not your fault that you are in the Law School. There are ways to work without public speaking. I pray that you can find things that you will enjoy and you will be successful. Please keep us posted. God bless you.

[Hidden]

I know I'm a little on this but I agree with googoodollsfan on this. Law school can be challenging. Secondly how much did you go thru trying to become a lawyer. Hopefully not a lot. Like you said you like literature and history. I would've start that first to see how you did there and then try law. Mightve been a little easier working towards law.

[Doyg]

I was in law school for two years and one to go. Public speaking kept me from becoming an attorney. That was 40 years ago. Things have improved since then and have been on numerous meds. Some attys become real estate/title attys if anxiety if your main issue. I know of 2 local attys who have depression/anxiety who are trial attys. Hope this helps