I called my therapist days ago because I was really in distress and I wanted to take some kind of action. But today when she called me back I don’t feel like talking about anything although I’m still in distress. Even though I’m the one who called its left me feeling pressured like as if it’s something I should do but I don’t want to. I think if I have nothing I want to share as I don’t feel like opening up to her its not a good thing to go and sit there feeling bad.
Anyone feel like they just don’t have the desire to talk to a therapist? Do you push yourself to go try to talk anyway?
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Starrlight
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I hear you. It’s good you knew you were not up for it and you listened. Yes it’s work alright. I have had her as a therapist since Summer and I’ve only seen her like 3 times. So because of that I feel pressured but the more I think about it the more I think I could do without for now. I think we know when we are ready.
Starlight,most days lately i don't feel like talking to anyone.My Eldest Son rang today to see how i was. I couldn't even answer the phone,👣 even though I knew it was him, and I Love him to bits. My Hubby had to speak to him. I was in so much bloody pain and I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.👀 But I just couldn't even push myself to speak.
Don't feel bad about it. It happens sometimes,especially when we're down and depressed..
Gjkas (((((((((hug)))))))))) I’ve been there where I couldn’t pick up the phone or come out of my bedroom and for some reason it felt unforgiving and shameful to me although I believe we deserve compassion when we feel that way from ourselves and others it’s just such a lonely place when anxiety and depression mix in us but thanks for being here,... how do you feel now? Any better? I’m just going backwards and I don’t know how to stop it.
I feel like S..t Starlight. I didn't pass the Pre Assessment ,but they've got an appointment for me with an Anaesthetist that just might give me the Anaesthetic.
Doctors put me on Morphine Tablets now and I feel like I'm gonna puke all the time, really bad stomach cramps ,Fibro pain have been so bad. Just had enough of the lot of it. Depression have hit a record low. But thanks to you as well Starlight for being there for me..
Great big hug backatchya. Woah you have a lot going on... you are strong. Yes I’m here for you. You can always Pm me as well. I wish I could take some of your pain away ❤️
Hey, you got enough going on. You don't need any of my stuff .
But thanks for your kind offer anyway. 😚
You just look after yourself.❤ xx
I think they understand when we're like that, sometimes I can't find the words and if I try talking I would cry instead, and at times I feel like talking take too much effort which i don't have, you'll talk when you're ready I'm sure your therapist gets it
((((((((((((((Hug))))))))))))))) Wow I wish I could cry... I feel like I’m this hallow shell and my emotions are scrambled somewhere outside myself and I struggle to set things straight and fear things won’t get better. It’s up to me but I don’t feel so strong right now. I pray I must get stronger. How are you Danielle?
You are not going backwards. You have not found a therapist who understands your trauma. When you try to open up, you know it is like a damn. One the damn is open the water comes rushing out, and you feel you have no control. When you have difficult relationships phone phobia can happen. You feel hurt that you have been snubbed in the past, and cant find the level to communicate as there is a block. When you answer a call and you feel you are not part of the picture, this is when the hurt and resentment leaves you with low esteem. When you come through an acceptance of the relationship, you can chat, and then pass the call on, knowing you have moved forward, as you can now talk to the person who may have blocked you. You have been on a long journey cutting out some meds as they were making you feel blotto. Its when you can cry and feel and have emotion, you know you are not detached from the situation, and begin to recover. My self esteem is not great at the moment as I have not lost any weight, over three years. I feel stable, but find when I get dizzy spells with swollen ear drums, I have distracting symptoms of ringing ears. This normally goes after an infection, and with a change of air, I don't feel tearful, just annoyed that some days I feel great and others, not active enough. Do hope you wont keep thinking you have failed, as you haven't. You have had a bereavement and feel somehow you weren't there to stop it. That is how you are helping other people, by understanding how we feel and giving us support. Thank you Starrlight.
Not wanting therapy and cancelling is fine. You might find another therapist you can relate to and feel you have an emotional bond. If you don't feel anything htis is not going to help you. Have you tried cognitive behaviour therapy and somatic anxiety therapy which may help you control your immediate responses and feeling desperate.? Its having the right therapy which you might find will make you feel so much better. Just hope you find this therapist who can turn things around.
What do you like to do which motivates you in your spare time which will absorb you? I think you need to find a motivation which will drive you away from the past and negative thoughts. You need to find yourself and express your spirituality in another way. Have started to go back to my hobby of painting, suddenly the colours are helping me feel brighter. I am feeling better because I am helping colour and life affect my mood..
I always have something to say, I even feel like I need more time. But there are times when I don’t say what I really want to, like when I feel like giving up on Life. In Some states if you express those feelings they can have you committed for up to 72 hours. Im sure you have your reasons why you don’t want to talk and that’s ok. You do what feels right for you at the time. I’m starting to feel desperate to see a counselor for medication. Still waiting to hear from my doctor for my referral.
South Wales and it's a good job that they don't put you away here as easy as that.
Even this morning i had a ring back from my G.P because I'm not getting on with these Morphine tablets. So she said about me going back on the Butrans Patches. I told her that I've been on them for 8 years,they're not working for me anymore. Well anyway she said to take 1 Morphine Tablet in the morning and then take 2 at night. So she's doubled my night ones. I said well I only took 1 tablet last night and I couldn't sleep,even though I take Zopiclone,Mirtazapine,Diazepam and Paracetamol as well. If i don't get any b....y sleep tonight ,ill be throwing myself out of the bedroom window.
I've even asked some of the Doctors if they had a Gun,or some Arsenic would do. They act deaf sometimes. But I mean it. Time means nothing to some of these Doctors. But when you're in so much pain and feeling so deeply sad and depressed..Time is of the essence.
I live in the USA, that is the law here. The sucide rate is terrible here, their trying to prevent as many as they can. The thought is that sucide is a temporary feeling? And over here now if you have a terminal I’llness you can have a doctor assisted sucide. Maybe you need to find a different doctor? I was at times looking for a way to end it? I would Never consider Arsenic... I heard that’s the Worse way to die?
Honestly,sometimes i don't give a S...e. Arsenic wouldn't be my 1st choice,but if i could get hold of a bottle. Yes I could do it.
I believe in Assisted Suicide and Euthanasia for both the Terminally Ill and for people like me, who suffer with Chronic Pain from multiple Health Issues that the Doctors have told me that they can't do anything else for me.I failed my Pre Admission Assessment last Thursday for a General Anaesthetic. But I've had an Email from the Hospital to say that they've made an appointment with the Consultant Anaesthetist for 5th Feb. Then this morning a letter came confirming the appointment. All they were gonna do is take my Gallbladder out and unblock my Bile Duct. Just have to wait and see.
I've got 2 Heart Valve's that aren't working properly but they can't find a Surgeon that would do the valve replacemen because they said that I wouldn't survive the Surgery. I've also got C.O.P.D, Angina , Asthma and a 16 cm Haitus Hernia. I know that I'm a High Risk Patient, but for goodness sake. If i were a dog I'd have been put to sleep, long before the pain got this bad. Haven't been out of the house for over 5 years, except for when I'm in hospital or my Hubby drags me to the Doctors.
Well if nobody's gonna help me now. The only other way except for the
D.I.Y. way is Switzerland i suppose.
Suicide is not a temporary thing to me anymore. It's Permanent.
Gosh, sorry for all the things you’re going through, I can’t imagine having to deal with so many things. I’m 65 with diabetes and a decease that will eventually make me blind, high cholesterol. They don’t have assisted sucide there? Over here now if you’re old they won’t do certain surgeries or some cancers, the insurance companies don’t want to pay for them. It sucks getting OLD
Yeah they do have Assisted Suicide in Switzerland. I've checked it out. Even saw the building and the type of room's that you have. It's expensive mind you..Depends on how many of you go over there. I've even got a good idea of the cost once im sure of who would be with me altogether.
I've made him promise me that if they can't do anything else for me. This is what I would have to do..
But he would have to sort it out for me. Because even though I'm not afraid of dying. I don't think that I could arrange everything. Up until now 5 of us will be going.
I bookmarked the page with all the information on and the photos of the building and the rooms that it takes place in...A couple of weeks ago I caught him going through it.
But he wasn't on there for long. I pretended that I didn't notice what he was looking at. I'd put it on the Laptop for him...I don't want to leave any of them..But all this pain is just too much..I know for a fact that if Euthanasia or Assisted Suicide was made legal in this Country..I wouldn't have a problem...Anybody that is against it, obviously have never had to watch anyone every day in real Agony. Having been told by the Cardiologists, Anaesthetists and other medical Consultants that there's nothing else they can do for them.If we let our lovely Doggies suffer like this. We'd be done for cruelty. And that would be real justice..But us poor b.....s has to go through pure Agony..
I think that this Country need to sit up and take notice of the real World.
But I've been let down so many times because of being what they call a High Risk ..Huh.
It's my bloody body,im the one in Agony. Why do they not see it from my point of view. I'd signe an agreement to relinquish them of any responsibility .I've already told some of them that. But they just say that they're sorry .
is there anything like CBD...anticonvulsants...tart cherry..curcumin..that prescription which is like ibuprofen with a stomach buffer? Are there any pain meds effective for what you deal with?
I've tried most of the CBD based Oils,Creams,Bath Bomb's, even the Cakes. I buy all my CBD items from PURE KANA in Canada,so it's not rubbish stuff. The Doctors told me that I am so complex that they don't know what else to try me on. But these Morphine Tablets are making me feel like I'm gonna puke all the time. Im not sleeping and I can't eat. I've bought some CBD oil with Turmeric and Black Pepper.
But that haven't helped either.
I moan about the Doctors at the Hospital. But to be honest they are all really great..
I've got so many Chronic health problems,to do with my Heart and Lung. Also trouble with the Kidney,Liver and the Cyst on the Pancreas and inside the Liver .
A 16 cm mixed Haitus Hernia. Thats started to cause me problems as well. Have also got Chronic Fibromyalgia,Rheumatoid Arthritis,
Osteoarthritis and Osteoporosis.
I have even got Arthritis in the side of my face,between my right ear and my cheek bone. It's making me go a bit deaf. At Maxillofacial the Consultant told me that if I was a younger person and in good health. they could rebuild it for me. But it's Major Surgery,so thats out of the question..You see,there's not just a couple of things going on with me. There's quite a lot. So medication wise i am a Nightmare. Thats what the Doctors at the Hospital call me.
Either Nightmare or Trouble..
But please if you can think of anything at all that might help me just keep me posted.
I've tried the Epson Salts baths from Pharmacy, tried Dead Sea Bath Salts. C.B.D Bath Bombs..Even bought CBD Oil from Canada. I've just bought a CBD Optical cream It's a roll on one,you don't have to rub or smooth it in. You just roll it on.
I've spent a fortune on different things that I thought might help me.
My Hubby even bought a Jaccuzi bath 🛀 for me,hoping that it would help,but it doesn't .Weve tried everything we can think of.
Both what the hospital have done to help me and what we've had to pay for out of our own pockets..
Thankyou for your advice. If you can think of anything else that might help me. Will you please keep me posted 😪 x
Yeah I get ya. I sometimes don’t want to go to my therapy appointment because of how exhausted I feel afterwards, sometimes for the whole day or whole week it ruins my mood. Sometimes I don’t know how to express what is going on with me and other times I feel so vulnerable I dont want to feel exposed.
The hardest part of therapy is it's scheduled. I don't know if I will even be up to leaving the house or want to talk. So I usually write down how I feel on my worst days and any questions I have and go to my appointment. But there have been times I just couldn't talk and cancelled. Sadly it's hard to find care for anxiety and depression.
Damn atleast you see your therapist, I skipped one payment and my therapist cut me off...lmao
I know time is money but I needed help to myself. Anyways i didn't have sht to say to her myself so who gives a damn...now I'm seeing this other therapist that always sounds like she snoring when we talking. And I'm like yo lady dont be sleeping on me now, I bet she didnt hear the first thing I said when we started . I know she didnt hear me because the first thing I said was I dont have money to pay you for this session 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Sometimes I reason that you not still wanting to talk about it is a good thing...What I mean is you don't obsess over it or stay this whole time in distressed state...you could try warmline.org to speak to someone in the moment or 7cups.com or you could try to make some friends here that may be online when you need to chat...You can work on strategies and plans for life..coping skills...a lot of things but somethings it helps to have someone to talk to when it happens.
I literally had nothing left to say to my therapist. Just sat there silently, but still full of distress. She ended it for me, which I appreciated. I couldn’t do it myself. I felt powerless
I guess you have to go with your gut on this. You talk when you feel like it. Is there anything about your therapist that makes you feel you do not want to talk ? Did you expect to hear from her sooner ? You are not seeing her very often. Sometimes that makes it harder. It’s not like you can cram in a month or more of feeling into one session.
Yeah I feel bad I’m not seeing her cause she’s great but I feel worse with worry when I do see her I just don’t want to talk I’ve concluded... not now...
I always have a lot to say in therapy and we always run out of time. It is what it is right? If you have nothing to say, then you have nothing to say. I hope you’re feeling better soon.
Dear Starrlight, this is extremely relatable to me too. I suffer from this very regularly. It feels extremely frustrating. To not be able to share. I try jotting the issues down as an email draft or a reminder note etc. So that I can give them a hint or a quick read through even when my feelings are empty and not want to share them. This jotting down helped me. But that's still rare.
I hope you feel better. Hang in there friend. We will all get through.
Thanks! I want to believe that yes we will all get through. It’s hard to believe as it feels things are falling apart. How do you trust? Love to you too. ❤️
I can relate to it. The lack of trust. But I am an irritating optimist and I believe there will be goods in the journeys. We need to hang on and fight. We can take our breaks and still fight on. We will get through. It's falling apart for me right now. But that's the deal, we won't let it get to us.
I love it! 😍 I’m having really uncomfortable sensations in my body for years off and on mostly on I don’t know what it is . anyway I really appreciate you and wishing your attitude will rub off on me, you are amazing!!!
Thank you for being kind. I am sure there's good things for all of us. We deserve it just as much. Hope you feel better today. One step at a time. One day at a time. Do message if you want to talk.
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xx
Just had my first appointment with my new local therapist!!
Feeling Guilty About Wanting to Talk About My Depression
Does it have to be horrible before you allow yourself to have therapy? 
New to this 
I’m doing everything I’m supposed to 
