God knows every thought
Every move I make and my intentions
So then why do I wonder if He will help
As I show my anger toward Him
I feel I’m at a point where I can’t help myself anymore
I want out soon
I’ll wait another day
I have people counting on me
So the guilt stabs me in the heart
My family looks past me and grabs from me and I can’t feel their love any longer
I called my therapist and we will talk on Monday I don’t know what to do with myself I’m such a failure.
Failure you are not ....for sure 🌟
thank you Silly
Star you are not a failure what so ever! Thank u for being so candid about your feelings. Surprisingly enough it shows great strength to do so!
Love ya girl!😘💗
Love to you too ❤️
You are not a failure! You can and will conquer this ❤❤
I am hoping
I get pissed off at God regularly because I want things I'm not getting (peace of mind, money, attention, health). But He knows how I am and loves me anyway. He has very broad shoulders and can handle my emotions.
Love that ❤️ thanks for sharing with me He does doesn’t He!?
...and don't forget, we cannot surprise Him! 💗
Starrlight sending a big warm hug & lots of love your way. Sweetheart writing this & reaching out to your therapist takes a lot of strength & shows you want to beat this. I can relate to how you are feeling... but I also know you are worth more than you know. Our past demons are hard... & it's okay to be mad at God... I get mad too. Love you a bunch & am here for you.
Thanks Beautiful! Love ya ❤️
A priest told me anger at God is a prayer. You’re not going to be punished. I have anger at God too. We all do He can handle it. You will not be denied help. Good to go to your therapist.
Liti
Thank you so much Liti! Anger at God is prayer, I can see that. But I don’t know I think I will be punished and denied help because of things I’ve wished and done
No,mercy.
Many of the Psalms are about anger, and many people chosen by God in the Bible did bad things. This gives me comfort!
True
I believe Gods word teaches us that His grace is sufficient..That's a challenge for most of us at times. Religion is thinking we have to do more to be blessed by God. Grace is Gods love for us inspite of our failings. When we receive Jesus..the work he did on the cross and believe in all that He did for us and the resurrection..we have the right to be called the Children of God. I am reading/studying a book along with my bible by CATHERINE MARTIN..THE CALLING. A STORY OF WHO YOU ARE AND WHY YOU ARE HERE.
It is awakened a part of me to strengthen the core of who I am in Christ. It's worth buying.
I will pray for you throughout my day, Starlight!
A
Now that's the God I know. Apparently I'm in prayer more than I know.
Im not a big beliver in any god, but i like to think that there is a mysterius force working. And it works in mysterius ways
I hear you have ben batteling for a long time, and days just keep comming. And this is a battle no one can win alone. Talking with your therapist might be your best move in this struggle.
Your not a failure
Thanks so much RubberDuck ... yeah I’ll have to jot down some notes for when I speak with her. Yes I think there are many mysterious forces working.
We are here for you. Please don't give up. You gotta keep going for your kids.
❤️ I’m strengthened by you guys thank you 🙏 😊
I hope so. I am there. I know the desperate thoughts but our children need us and that's the only reason I am here, honestly. You can do it too.
How old are your kids, Melhall?
My daughter is 13 and my stepson is 22. How old are yours?
Beautiful, Melhall. My three sons are 7, 12, and 24. They are my life. Every day I get up it’s for them.
I’m feeling the way you are but let me tell you one thing, you’re not a failure and God is right there with you even when you don’t see Him or feel Him but He’s there trust me. I’d wish I could end everything right now but He keeps me going everyday. You got this, you will get through this hard time! You are strong.
Thanks. You sound strong too. Sorry you are feeling like me. I’m recalling times I felt like God gave me signs of hope. I feel like I need another. I feel no longer worthy of a sign or to be happy, but I’ll keep going and see what happens. Blessings to you.
I do feel like I’m not worthy but remember He gave us His only son to die for our sins, that’s a great proof of true love so we are worthy, we deserve to be happy. He wants us to be happy. Just wait a bit longer and everything will work out. 
God bless you!
❤️
I think it’s normal to feel angry and to feel like a failure when you are struggling. Keep taking it one day at a time. I’m glad you’re seeing your therapist on Monday.
(((((((Booklover)))))) thanks one day at a time I’d do helpful to recall
God knows you Starr and wants you to know him. We know he is a loving God and a forgiving God. We do get confused when it comes to asking him to answer our prayers. Prayers are answered in God's time and as he answers many prayers they have to fit his plan for us. Remember , he does have a plan for you. I pray he gives you strength, and peace on your journey through this life.
For those who believe in a different way, this isn't meant to inflame anyone, but to help my sister in Christ. Please allow me to share with her. I mean no offense to anyone. Pam
You know I had forgotten the possibility of God having a plan for each of us. I think I’m screwing up the plan but I will be continuing to ask for strength and guidance. Thanks for sharing with me Pam. Maybe I have something to look forward to if I can get myself together.
You are a strong woman
That means a lot to me, thank you.
It's not possible to screw up God's plan, after all,he is God
Good point there Billsfriend
You are certainly not a failure, if you were, you wouldn't have a therapy appointment, and you wouldn't be reaching out for help here!
Yes God knows your every thought, but he also knows that he made you to be a Human being, if he wanted you to be perfect he would have made you to be a God.
Of course that leads us to what else you should do, which is of course to pray. Pray for knowledge of his will for you, and the power to carry that out.
Pray for the wisdom to feel his Love and Forgiveness.
Obviously if God didn't want you to be angry with him, you wouldn't be. What God really wants is for us to admit our failures, to seek his forgiveness and to know that things will get better!
I will definitely be praying to feel His love. That would be amazing. For wisdom. For forgiveness.To know His Will for me. There is so much going wrong but maybe they will pass and I can be strengthened. We are more well than sick. After every difficulty comes ease.
This is part of the journey to healing. By writing your fears to these blogs is medicine. We can remind you over and over as you need and we unconditionally console and support thru our understanding from experience. Positive emotionality. Feed it and get strong. Stay proud from the courage you develop, the understanding you can experience and finding the forgiveness of those around you who seem to just do not get it due to stigma directed by our society. You only know you and, You, and only YOU, can get strength and acquire the knowledge of finding your inner self. You must LOVE YOU and BE PROUD of who you have become. It is how you handle the battles that lead you to win the war.
I love that ... it is how you handle the battles that lead you to win the war...
I will work on loving myself and being proud of who I am...
You are right. God created us and he knows everything about us. He still loves you. Anger is a normal human emotion. God can handle our anger. You are not a failure. Don''t let anyone or any situation make you feel like one. Stand firm on God's promises. You are a strong person,look how far you have come in 2 yrs. Write down all your thoughts and feelings,so you can talk with your therapist about how you feel. I wish you the best,and i hope you feel better soon. May God be with you and comfort you during this time and give you hope and joy. I pray he will wrap his arms around you and give you strength as only he can. God bless You,Chanelle
chenille, thank you so much. I will be looking out for God’s love and strength. I feel like I need a sign of hope from Him. I need to change some things. Yes I should write out some thoughts/feelings for my therapist.
This is the longest chain I have ever seen, can you feel all the Love and support here? It is a powerful sign to me. I'm wondering if you might be missing signs.
You know that Satan is the Great Liar, I think he is using despair to hide God's signs from you.
Sometimes I find great strength in renouncing Satan, sometimes I have to shout him down, literally, shout him down, out loud, over and over until he leaves.
I’m so grateful and I can see and feel the love and support. But yes there is still despair I am fighting. Sometimes I spit three times over my left shoulder because from a number of people I’ve been told that it can send devils away.
Yup, the battle ebbs, and flows, but it really never ends. We do whatever we have to do, to keep fighting. I find great strength in knowing that I will never give in. You can knock me down, but I'm getting right up to battle once more, because You ( evil) cannot keep me down, because I have God in my corner.
Good keep fighting. ❤️ I’m on my way to getting up
Oh no, you are not a failure, not in the least. In fact, you were the creation that God decided to knit together because He knew how you would help Him in the future. It is okay to be angry at God, we all are sometimes. He knew that on this day, at this time, in this very place this exact situation would come, and he is here to comfort you through all of it. God has big plans for you, Starrlight, you just have to trust His will.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
Thanks I’ll be praying to understand His Will for me. I’m so desperate right now I need a sign that He is here for me. I’m so miserable.
He is here for you. I'm so sorry you are miserable, just keep fighting and praying and hoping and believing and you will make it! 💕💕
I hope so. I feel like I’m so done; I feel I’m falling apart and so my life seems the same. I just want it to be okay.
It will be ok, just trust God. He will lead you in the right direction.
But will I cooperate? I am trying but failing.
God will work with you to set everything right. It can be hard to trust Him and His plan sometimes, but He is there even in the dark.
You are stronger and more powerful than you think. God is not separate from you. It is that separation from God and from everything what makes us suffer. Your are divine, God’s love is in you. God’s will is for us to have our own will to build our life, to live our lives remembering than unity. The greatest force in the universe is Love and it is in you and everyone, access it. Remember we have free will, we have to use that free will wisely. Choose Love.
That is beautiful and I promise I will be trying to access love during my days and give it to people, God , animals, myself. Thank you so 🙏
Have you tried GABA Starr light ? If you aren't on medication it may really help you , it puts the brakes on irritation for people with bipolar
If you are on medication then I couldn't recommend GABA as there may be a bad reaction but I think I read that you were coming off your meds
No. What does GABA do for you? Are you on it? No I’m still taking my meds.
What meds are you on ?
Buspar, lithium, Zyprexa
Best not add GABA to it Starr light it could have a bad reaction
My husband has type 1 bipolar disorder and he came off all his meds he is only on GABA it's really good stuff
Margot Kidder the actress in US who died recently used to recommend it she had bipolar disorder
I’ll ask my doctor about it thank you so much. Glad it’s working for your husband.
Love yourself
I will definitely be trying thank you so... I am encouraged when I see the bright strong light in my kids’ hearts. It makes me want to try.
GM. Starr, I feel the same as you. I battle and struggle every day. My family thinks it's all in my head. I'm so tired. Tired of trying to make people understand the way I'm feeling. I pretend everything is ok. But it isn't. I'm not ok. I struggle with living and wanting to just disappear. I don't know how much longer I can take. But Starr if I can do it you can also. Don't give up even though you want to. I wished I could say that we will both find inner peace but I have given up. For now. Who knows I may wake up tomorrow morning and think I can't take no more mental abuse. Hang in there Starr. I'm with ya my friend.
Let’s keep in touch RedBird. We could help each other. I feel like you I choose much of the time to hide my suffering. Please don’t give up.
Look toward God and into your self...others cannot usually understand so let them off the hook & go to God, He knows you, loves you and has the Wisdom and Power to heal our wounds. I pray for you to be given faith and hope to know that you & God together can move mountains!
❤️
In the book of Mathew in the Bible, Jesus went to a wedding and the wine was out. Jesus told them to pour water in the vases and turn the water into wine. You are the vase and you are running out of wine. You need to ask JESUS to turn your water into wine for your strength comes from him. HE will strengthen you for your faithfulness.
I believe in God and ask straight to Him for guidance, to be forgiven and for strength and a better time doing His will.
amen
Good morning Star. I hope that you slept well and are feeling a little bit better today. I’ve been thinking of you and glad you’ll see your therapist soon. Hang in there, girl❤️
Thank you soooooooo Coloradowalker
I understand as I have had to walked through the pain & anger alone because other created beings could not perform what I needed. They could advise me to forgive my parents and others who had hurt me so badly as a small child, but only God who formed me and knew every detail of my life, could heal me. He loves us to be honest and of course He is not afraid of our anger, a signal something needs correcting. Anger is not shameful, it is a deep communication from within our souls/emotional intelligence that we need attention . We can't bury pain forever as it hurts our body, mind and spirit. So honesty with our God of Love is a perfect place to begin the healing journey toward wholeness. We step up and out with a mustard seed of faith in His goodness, mercy and justice, and He always saves. It is His desire to heal and cleanse us and make us "new creations," He says He will never put to shame those who call on Him. He loves us with an everlasting love. He is not the cause of our pain but fallen nature and sin (missing the mark of Love) are. He will not forsake us but has given us hope in Christ, by whose blood we can be cleansed and by whose Life in us are regenerated and made new. I am a witness of this process and His Faithful, Merciful Kindness. Truly this knowledge of our Father and His Son is worth more than rubies, a pearl of great price. May His Love draw you to know Him more. It is one on one with Him because He formed you and knows you and loves you, personally. It is a process, one moment at a time in Jesus' name. Love & Peace to you in Christ Jesus.
He will never put to shame anyone who calls on Him... I wish to believe and witness this. I really need His help. Thank you 8ann
...my pleasure : ) we are all in this adventure/battle/drama together and He loves us and helps us overcome...love & hugs! I have a son & daughter who give me inspiration every day too! Thank God for all the good things : ) have a wonder-full day!
Blessings to you and your kiddos!
I feel guilt because with all these amazing people here with great beautiful responses I am still so down and hopeless feeling. I don’t believe in myself. I don’t know what’s so wrong with me.
You too : )
As I was reading your post it reminded me of part of a workbook my therapist was having me read. If a friend were to come to you and tell you this. How would you respond? Would you be critical of them or would you treat them with love and understanding? We are so hard on ourselves a lot of times, and need to learn to treat ourselves with kindness. Just as we would if someone came to us. You are human and God knows that. I have a hard time with being super critical of myself, and holding myself to an unrealistic standard. I hope this helps. Sending love and kindness your way. I hope you are able to find some relief. ♥️
why can’t I get out of bed?
I can’t handle much more......
So many symptoms I can’t handle. 
I can’t go on.
