I need advice

[UnderstandingMyPain]

What do you do with a mother (who I strongly believe have narcissistic traits) who tries to make you feel guilty?

[LilyAnnepuppy]

You posted a couple of weeks ago that you weren't going to have contact with her. What happened? It even though you have contact with her, she has no control (unless you give it to her) to "make" you feel guilty.

Let her try all she wants (I had a mother like that). I would ask myself if she had a point. Was there something I needed to change in the relationship? Usually not. It was more about her than me.

And your idea to limit contact still sounds like a good plan.

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

She has to leave my house first for me to begin no contact. She lives in NEW YORK and I live in MICHIGAN. My post regarding no contact stated it will start as soon as she leaves. I have told her multiple times to get out I paid for tickets and she has cancelled them.

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to UnderstandingMyPain]

I'm sorry but I thought she'd be gone by now. My mistake. But the rest of my experience is still true. Try pretending she sounds like the teacher in Peanuts cartoons (unidentifiable yammering).

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Alrighty!! Thanks. I guess the purpose of this post was to vent which I didn’t do good with lol. Thanks for your advice

[Knackeredknowle in reply to UnderstandingMyPain]

I feel your pain.

Like they say you can choose your friends but not family. Its difficult.

It's good to vent and share your frustrations- healthy to get your feelings out.

It's hard to forgive and harder to forget , but it empowers us in the knowledge that we have that choice.

Love and be kind to yourself....it sounds as if it has been rough time for you.

I'm sending my thoughts , best wishes and love your way.

We always here for you.

Take care.

Maxi xx

[Billsfriend]

You do everything you can to Love and Forgive her! While protecting yourself!

Try to beat in mind that she is not responding to You. She is responding to the pain she feels inside- most likely caused by a parent 10x worse than her. I know because I swore I would Never treat my children the way I was treated, and yes I did do better than my father did with me. But I fell far short of the mark.

Eventually I learned that my Father was raised with unimaginable horrors. Stuff I can't even repeat on a public forum. I believe that I would have been a much better Father if I had known this stuff earlier, and been able to forgive him long ago!

You know what they say about the only way past it, is to go through it, if you try to go around it, you end up stuck in it, that is Soo True!

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to Billsfriend]

Thanks Billsfriend! I needed to read your reassurance as a reminder to me. Thanks again for your words

[Billsfriend in reply to UnderstandingMyPain]

Thank you for your kind words. It came during a time of desperate need!

[Booklover0219]

Don’t give in to the guilt. Guilt will weigh you down and it will paralyze you. Try to stay focused on finding the logical solution for dealing with your mother and have faith in yourself that you’ll feel better sooner than later - even if the guilt is hanging over you it won’t linger forever. Hang in there.

[Knackeredknowle in reply to Booklover0219]

Excellent words! Great advice x