New guy, looking for advice and support. feeling like i'm drowning in a downward spiral.

[Blueweimaraner]

Hello, I'm new to this online form message board style.

I have a form of "winter blues" which in the winter i normally defend against by hitting the gym and taking vitamin "d" but no such luck this year. Been fighting anxiety and depression for 15 years now off/on and IBS for the past 8 years. Just feeling a little over whelmed lately and its starting to snow ball. I am married, and my wife is pregnant with our second child. currently have a 20 month old very busy boy and my wife is 38 weeks pregnant. 6 months ago i wrecked my shoulder at work and in november was cut back on hours due to physio therapy. I am now working roughly half a normal work week and trying to balance all the baby appointments while keeping the lights on. Money has been adding to my stress level greatly as there is so much to buy for a new baby and we are selling our house to take over our parents acreage in spring. Just finding it hard to find 30 seconds for myself with juggling everybody's needs. I have started doing side jobs to try and make up for missing monthly wage which is cutting into the family time and is hard on my wife being this pregnant. She is an amazing woman but there are still hormones going on leaving me on egg shells constantly. I also am managing a small business on the side as well which does require some weekly attention and does cause some tension. One of my biggest problems with stress is that is trigger my IBS symptoms, which leaves me sitting on the toilet for a few hours a day sometimes and feeling extra crappy onto of everything else racing through my mind. It makes it really difficult to work and get my "to do" list done. This in turn makes me further behind, which makes me more stressed, which makes me sit on the toilet more and the spiral continues. I feel like a broken human and am fighting with myself weather or not i am a good enough husband and father. I wonder about how much i will be around for my newborn. I feel like i need a clone of myself to get everything done in a day and keep everyone pleased. I have tried medication in the past, with little success as people say i act goofy and i definitely do not feel like myself and almost "hollow" inside with emotion. My wife is strongly against me getting medication as it has not turned out good in the past and one medication did trigger complications with my heart(i'm only 30 yr). Any advice would be great. I normal pull myself up by my boot straps but that has not been working this year.

[TheMeg]

I also have some stomach issues when I get stressed. I am a huge fan of herbal teas (ginger is my favorite), is known for both its probiotic benefits but also for helping you calm down. Drinking even just a cup a day has helped me a lot when I feel “off” digestively. If that’s not for you I would try a pre and/or probiotic. Also, while I realize this is not a true comparison it may help, when I was a freshman in college I was extremely stressed and overwhelmed. I lived with 3 other girls and one was particularly needy. She never left the room so I was never alone. When I needed space a took longer showers to get some quiet time. Even just a couple minutes can make a big Difference. I wish you the best of luck!

[Blueweimaraner in reply to TheMeg]

Thank you, i will try that! My bathroom time isnt even my alone time anymore as my little one can open doors now. A few minutes does make a big difference i believe.

[Agora1]

Hi Blueweimaraner, you have the "winter blues" times ten this year. Wow, you have

so much going on that you would need a clone to get everything done on your "to do" list.

Pushing as you are doing leads only to health issues and mental breakdown unless you do

what "The Meg" suggested. Some "me time" for yourself. She's right in that it doesn't have

to be but a few minutes put aside for you every day.

Personally, I start my day with meditation and deep breathing, another 3-5 minutes in

mid afternoon and then before bed. The one before bed will allow you to leave your

to do list behind and get a good night's sleep. Good quality Rem Sleep can regenerate

your mind and body. Your IBS is telling you that you need to slow down and unwind.

Our body is good at reminding us to take time to breathe and smell the flowers.

This can be done without medication by finding other alternatives that can quiet you

down. How about a relaxing message once a week. Let your body know what it feels

like to let go and relax those muscles. I'd like to Welcome you to this support forum.

I'm glad you're here. xx

[Blueweimaraner in reply to Agora1]

how did you learn to meditate?

[Agora1 in reply to Blueweimaraner]

Hi Blue, my anxiety journey was a long one in getting to where I am today. Started

with medication/therapy but I never stopped looking for alternative methods. From

Biofeedback to Self Hypnosis and anything and everything in between. Unless we try

other tools out there we never know what else is available. I found that I was lucky in

that self hypnosis worked for me. I had but a few sessions with a hypnotherapist. I was

capable of escaping anxiety through Imagery. The mind is a powerful instrument but

needs to be retrained once we've spent years in succumbing to negative thoughts.

The say "practice makes perfect" and it took a lot of practice several times a day until

I got to the point to where I am now. Within moments of hearing a voice on YouTube,

I'm able to go into another place in time where I can breathe deeply and relax.

You are at the age and situation in your life where life can become overwhelming. Unless

you make moments for yourself, your mind will keep spinning out of control. Your

nervous system is so revved up right now that you don't know what to attack first.

It must start with you my friend. I use YouTube as my "go to" when life hands me more

than I can handle. I escape to my computer, lower the lights, put a warm bath towel

right out of the dryer, around my shoulders and meditate for 1 - 3 minutes. The relaxation is deep and rewarding.

You start out slow when time is of the essence. A few minutes can be beneficial in allowing you to breathe, escape and regenerate. Here are a few suggestions to start

with. I wish you well Blue. You can't keep burning the candle at both ends for long.

"Mindfulness - 3 Min. Meditation" by the Honest Guys

"Sinking & Slowing Breathing Meditation" by the Quiet Mind Cafe

"1 Minute Meditation/Release Fear" by Jason Stephenson

These are just 3 of my favorite speakers. Their voice is calming. Eventually you

will find your own. My best to you my friend. xx

[Billsfriend]

No wonder you're overwhelmed and having trouble coping. It sounds like you have to order your priorities.

Maybe money should be secondary right now. Of course it feels irresponsible to overspend our earnings, but if at all possible, you should think about it. Even if you borrow from your 401 or use some of your equity in the house.

It sounds like when you get back on top, you will earn money at a much faster rate anyway.

I wish I could go back and reorder my priorities when I had a young wife and children that needed me.

Nothing lasts forever in life, you will put this situation behind you, the kids will grow up and you will have enough to sustain yourself and her in your old age. I know these things because you wrote them, if you have any doubt read your own post, the story of an intelligent, loving Husband and Father Did I mention resourceful and responsible. A man that suffered s setback, through no fault of his own at a very inopportune time. I don't mean to minimize your problems- I want you to put them into perspective.

You got this! You already did something very productive in putting this behind you by coming here!

Prioritize

Make a

plan, Implement it.

You don't need me to tell you that you will start feeling better immediately.

Please keep in touch !

[Dolphin14]

Welcome to the group. Sounds like your plate is over flowing. You need to take a step back before you burn out.

I was that same personality, pull myself up by the boot straps and get back on track. It did eventually catch up with me. Your body is telling you something. You need to pay attention to that.

I do meditation like Agora does. I use an app called insight timer. I've been doing it for years. It's not easy at first but in time you will get the hang of it. Something you can do pretty much anywhere. There are short meditations you can do sitting in your car. Deep breathing and clearing your mind.

Have you and your wife sat down and talked about all that's going on? You have a lot of pressure on you. Sharing the burden with your wife may help you. Mayb she doesn't realize how much this is taking a toll on you. If we are good at hiding things people think we are OK.