New here, looking for support

[BeagleBaby]

Hello all, I recently started therapy after being in a behavioral health facility for suicidal ideations. My therapist recommended I look for online support groups as I am quite anti-social but feel the need for support from others outside my family. I am grateful to have such a supportive family but often feel like a burden. I ended up in the facility after several sleepless nights left me feeling crazy and not wanting to be alive anymore. That was about a month ago. I have since been restarted on Sertraline which has already been increased to 100 mg, Buspirone 30 mg, and Mirtazipine 15 mg. I've taken the Sertraline and Buspirone before and I believe they've helped in the past, but I never used them in conjunction with therapy so I'm hopeful it will work again. Unfortunately I had to quit my job which I had just started in March, as it was contributing to my high anxiety. I have no friends in my area and few friends in general that I don't really reach out to. I finally opened up to my best friend who lives 3 hours from me, telling him about everything I've been going through recently and it felt freeing. I am in a much better place now but still feeling quite anxious about my future and getting back into the workforce. I also feel like I don't know how to make new friends anymore. I never had a long term boyfriend and long for someone to love but I think I am scared of opening up to someone and getting hurt. I've tried dating apps but those always go nowhere. Any advice you could give on anything I've written would be wonderful!

[kenster1]

hi welcome aboard hope the therapy goes well and being here helps.

[BeagleBaby in reply to kenster1]

Thank you! It has been helpful so far

[kenster1 in reply to BeagleBaby]

glad to hear it been a few times and all different but worth while experiences.

[Pugglesworth]

Hello and welcome.

We're not doctors or therapists here, but we do try to help by sharing our experiences with one another. I'm glad you're giving therapy a shot as it has certainly helped me. And there are a lot of different therapy approaches out there, so you can 'shop around' for one that fits you.

I have taken sertraline (Zoloft) and buspirone (Buspar). The Zoloft made me sick, but the Buspar helped. Buspar made me sleepy, so I took it at night.

Friendships are tough to make especially with anxiety issues. One thing I've found helpful is sharing common interests. If I focus on my interests I'm less occupied by my anxiety. A book I recommend you pick up is 'Hope and Help for Your Nerves' by Dr. Claire Weekes, It's an older book, but far and away my favorite. Dr. Weekes writes as if she's speaking directly to you and goes through the symptoms we all experience, their cause and what we can do to help ourselves.

[BeagleBaby in reply to Pugglesworth]

Thank you so much for your insight and book recommendation I'll have to check that out! I struggle with social anxiety that was made worse by the pandemic and I'm trying to work through that in therapy. Hopefully it will get better!

[libragirl73]

Hi BeagleBaby, As you had responded to my post and I had replied back, I just noticed yours. I read your story and we have so many similarities there. I get very anti-social when highly anxious or depressed for the most part but only because I do not want people seeing me when I am not my true healthy self. Insomnia has made me in the past feel very agitated, sad and scared. I am mostly a very sociable person being a Libra and all, LOL! I was institutionalized twice, years ago and feeling like a burden to family/friends affects my thoughts daily. Relationships I do avoid when I am like this because I see myself as vulnerable right now and not my confident best self. I would be utterly co-dependent and would not choose a boyfriend so well...this is based on previous experience. The best thing to do right now is to put all your effort into healing yourself as you have therapy, this forum and talk to your friends, even if you don't really want to. They can be there for you just to listen here and there, and you can also be there for them if only just to listen about how their lives are going. I am so glad you have a very supportive family. That is important. I know you will be ok.

[BeagleBaby in reply to libragirl73]

Thank you so much for your kind words! We have very similar stories so that gives me a lot of comfort knowing I'm not feeling this way alone. I know I'm not ready for a relationship right now but I feel like I may never find love given that I don't have experience in that field and that makes me sad. I feel like I have things to offer but my anxiety holds me back from so many things and I don't want it to anymore. It hurts seeing other people in happy and loving relationships on social media so I try not to go on too much but when I don't I feel left out. Everything feels like a double edged sword these days it's tough!

[libragirl73 in reply to BeagleBaby]

It is the loneliness of it all; seeing other people in relationships make you feel worse especially when you desire one yourself. I have felt that way too, countless times. Although I have been in relationships, they have not always been the right ones or have stopped my anxiety/depression. Feel free to Direct Message me anytime. I check my email regularly. Hugs!

[amby80]

Hi! Welcome. You are NOT alone. I was hospitalized for the same thing right after Christmas 2011. I was so pissed about it when it was happening, but am grateful now because I finally had a proper diagnosis. Getting on the right meds however took years (not to discourage you as that may not be the case with you). But I'm finally on a combination that helps. I found a psychiatrist who is very knowledgeable and can think outside the box. I have bipolar disorder, anxiety, PTSD, and ADHD, so treatment had been difficult. I do not respond well to traditional antidepressants. So, he has me on an atypical treatment which is actually really helping. I have also found a great therapist this year who is helping me so much. I don't have many friends myself, but have learned to be ok with it. Also, romantic relationships are great, but not always the answer, especially if you don't love yourself and get yourself right first, (also personal experience). I have been with the same man for over 19 years and he is a good man, but rarely knows what to do or say when I'm mood cycling...and that's ok. He, just like the rest of us don't have all the right answers. But seeking support is definitely a step in the right direction. Glad you're here and hope we can help.

[BeagleBaby in reply to amby80]

Thank you so much for your advice! I am probably not ready for a relationship right now but I feel so lonely it hurts. The facility I was at was terrible and I felt worse leaving than I did going in, but that gave me motivation to try my hardest to get better so I never have to end up there again. I really was feeling like I had nothing to live for, especially without a romantic love in my life but I opened my heart up more to my family and the love they were so readily offering. I live with them so that made it easier to accept and use as motivation to get better. Like I said in my post, I'm not completely healed and I think it will take a lot more time, but knowing I have people behind me helps a bunch. Hearing from people like you who have gone through similar things is very helpful as well, so I really appreciate you replying!

[amby80 in reply to BeagleBaby]

I know the feeling...being in a mental facility is never a good feeling. Especially if you are sent there against your will, which can make it more traumatizing. I just posted something earlier that you may like or resonate with. You're going to get through it...I'm sure it sounds cliche, but you will ❤️

[Hidden]

Hello. I have been struggling with severe anxiety my whole life as well as depression. So you are definitely not alone. I am sorry you had to go through all of that but I am glad you feel like you are in a better place. I also understand where you are coming from in terms of getting your life back. I am 28 and not working because of severe anxiety and it's really hard sometimes. Just remember that it's about taking care of yourself right now and not comparing to others. You are important and even if those small steps don't look like anything they are all important and they add up. I think it's great that you have started therapy as well. You should be proud of the steps you are taking to help yourself and make your mental health better. Joining this site is a great step. reaching out is a great step. Talking with your friend and starting therapy. All of that is wonderful and you should be proud of yourself for it. Remember to take things as they come. Progress is not linear. That is hard for all of us but even if it feels like you are falling 10 steps back you are making progress overall and that is what is important. Take some time out of your week each week to practice self care, and start journaling as it really helps get the emotions out and helps to reduce anxiety. I can relate to you on not having very many friends or other people to talk to. I am in a similar situation there as well, only I don't even have family I can depend on. So if you ever want to chat feel free to message me.

[BeagleBaby in reply to Hidden]

I'm glad to have others to talk to like you who go through similar things. I've started journaling recently and that has been helpful but my therapist says I should try grounding skills and meditation. I'm not sure how to get those to work right now but they sound like good ideas. It's hard for me because I feel like everything gives me anxiety these days.

[Hidden in reply to BeagleBaby]

Grounding is more so about being in the present moment. So in those moments of panic it's about finding things that help ground us to the here and now. We can do the 5 4 3 2 1 method where you look for 5 things you can see, you can feel and describe 4 things around you, listen for 3 things you can hear and so on. There are other things like squared breathing, which is basically, after you have exhaled, breathe in for 4 seconds, hold your breathe for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds, then hold your breathe for 4 seconds then repeat the process. There are also tasks that can be grounding like drawing, singing, or running cold water over your hands. It's anything to get the body to be aware of the present moment instead of being stuck in our head. These are just a few examples but you can try a bunch of different things. I am not great at meditation either so I can't offer much advise there. I think it's great that you are journaling. I know what you mean about feeling like everything gives you anxiety. I feel the same way and it's like the smallest thing can set me off and make me panic. For me it's a mix of stress and being afraid of my anxiety symptoms so I am never actually calm. So I know how that feels. It is hard to get everything under control and to start feeling better. It won't happen overnight but so long as you keep doing the little things you will get there.

[EndUser13]

Hello and welcome, you've found a great place with lots of friendly people!

I love Mirtazapine, it helps me sleep.

If it helps any, I've never had a long-term boyfriend either 😉😅

[BeagleBaby in reply to EndUser13]

The mirtazipine doesn't really make me sleepy but it's only at 15 mg. Maybe my doc will increase it

[BeagleBaby]

Thank you! I'm glad to be here