Tired

[sarahmcf]

I met with my new therapist this past weekend. She is a little different but I think it will work. Hopefully we make some serious breakthroughs or progress.

- - I am sad or disappointed or angry all the time. If I am having a good day I can find the smallest thing and turn it into a huge deal and ruin my entire day. My husband doesn’t buy me an Auntie Anne’s pretzel at the zoo after I had mentioned wanting one a couple times over the last week or so and he doesn’t pay attention to me or do nice things for me. I see a nice note he wrote his friend on their fridge and it’s why can’t he try harder in our relationship or why don’t things come more natural in our life why does he have to legit think about making an effort.

Every small thing reminds me of a bigger problems and the whole world collapses. Why hasn’t he tried igniting the spark back in our marriage after he had an inappropriate work relationship four months ago? Why didn’t he use his time off work over the holidays to plan a date or just a night without the kids? Why am I still being thoughtful and sweet when he won’t? Why is it so hard for him? Why am I still fighting for scraps from him? Maybe I’m the real problem. Maybe I’m hard to love or devote ones self to. I’m just so tired. Last night we got in an argument and he ripped up a nice note he wrote me on our anniversary that was hanging on the fridge and threw it in the trash. That literally broke me. He rarely does anything thoughtful especially in a time when he should be and he destroyed the one thing I treasured from him. I gave him my wedding rings. He went for a drive. I dug the note out of the trash and put it back together. He came home but nothing got better. Now it’s the middle of the night. My brain won’t turn off and he is sound asleep.