I’ve never really done anything like this before...I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety most of my life. Over time I learned ways to cope with it on my own because I never really had the means to get the kind of help I actually needed. A few years back after one of the worst years of my life I had an epiphany of sorts and was able to not allow my depression to run my life as it always had done. I never felt so free before. I got into a relationship, we’ve been together four years and since she also suffers from deep depression I was able to help her in a way jay I always wished someone would for me.
But I guess nothing lasts forever and last July, a seemingly ordinary day for me with no triggers that I know of marked the reemergence of my depression. Instead I swear it came back stronger than before and sucked all the drive and contentment that I felt. I stopped writing, something that kept me sane and alive for years and took no pleasure in anything. I’ve convinced myself that I’m never really going to be okay again because something inside me is broken and that sort of thinking has heavily strained both my job(which is a major factor in my depression now) as well as my relationship.
I don’t know what I’m expecting by posting this here. All I know is that I can’t afford therapy to help me and I can’t keep on this current track. Otherwise I don’t know why I’ll end up doing. I want to get better and my girlfriend suggested this for the time being. Hopefully this works out.
Written by
jkloos
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I don’t know what made me feel happy or even if that was in fact happiness. All I know is it wasn’t overwhelming sadness which was a positive change at least. I’ve actually tried getting another job but nowhere that I applied ever responded. I was made a dept manager for a few months but the entire time I was miserable at it and stepped down, the pressures of it were more than I could handle by myself. I couldn’t go back to what I was doing as they claimed there were no hours available and I ended up becoming a manager of a different department which somehow is even worse.
I’ve been going through something similar myself. I had my anxiety under control and was doing well for a few years until the past few months my anxiety has flared up horribly. It’s more difficult some days then others to deal with but it will get better. Don’t give up on yourself!
I think it is important that you try and find a professional to talk to. This is a wonderful support forum where people give advice and share personal experiences, but nobody is a mental health professional. If you can’t afford to see someone at the moment try out a hotline or look to see if there are any private therapist in your area that can work out a payment plan with you. Keep fighting.
I definitely can not afford to see a professional like I really need to. I only make roughly enough to sort of live on and even then with insurance it still is beyond me
Please consider seeing your physician, doing so well for so long and then all of sudden not without any triggers, can be signs of physical problems. For example, thyroid problems can cause depression.
Hi. Welcome to the site. I think you've taken a very good step in joining a supportive community like this one. It's hard, especially when depression and anxiety comes back. I think that having a healthy support system is really important. So, keep posting and sharing. We all try to look out for one another as all of us have dealt with mental illness in one form or another. Keep your head up. Don't give up on yourself. Happiness and peace start from within. We only have to be quiet and listen
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