Ungrateful brat

[BrownEyesBlue]

That’s how I feel. I’m the ungrateful brat.

This Christmas is extremely difficult for me. One of the hardest since the first one I celebrated without Mom and my sister. But I’m trying.

My sister, who has her own issues, has a problem with alcohol and is more into catching fish and anything not related to the home, decided she’d be the one to go do last minute Christmas shopping and grocery shopping while I stayed and tended to Dad. Yes. We all three live together.

We have her $100 each towards the expense. That was an extra $200; plus I’d given her extra for stocking stuffers. What she came back with was a far cry from what I indicated we needed. I could feel my anxiety building as I tried my best to smile and tell her everything was okay. It wasn’t. But I didn’t want to make her feel bad.

Then.... close your eyes. I obliged her. It was a new phone. A Samsung Galaxy. I was shocked and emotional and very very thankful. My mouth however, said something different; “ a new iPhone”. The look on her face made me feel like utter shit. I’d only ever used and purchased Apple products. I’d just assumed. I loved the phone; I loved that she had given it to me but even I, the master of hiding my true feelings, couldn’t hide my slight disappointment and I saw the hurt and disappointment on her face as she mumbled “I got that wrong too”.

I cried myself to sleep. It’s not about the phone. Far from. It’s from hurting her feelings; it’s much more deep rooted than the friggin phone. Yet I’m left here feeling like an ungrateful brat. And I don’t know what to do......

[lillyofthevalley37]

Don't beat yourself up about your response? Your sister should've known you prefer iPhone

[BrownEyesBlue in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

I’m just stressed about everything; finances, my future, my Dad, repairs to the house, bills...... and she knew or at least I feel she knew. It’s just disheartening. It’s like I’m never truly heard. Like no one gives a thought as to who I am and what I like. I’m just sad. And she doesn’t understand at all. She thinks it’s about one thing. It’s hard when someone doesn’t understand depression and anxiety.

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to BrownEyesBlue]

Yes

No one understands me but it doesn't bother me as I am used to it but I am older than you , it is frustrating when you are young and you want to get things done , it would probably help you if your expectations of people weren't so high otherwise you may be in for more dissapointment s?

[KittenMittens22]

Don’t be so hard on yourself. I know exactly how you feel. I hate getting gifts from people because it’s never what I like and it is always so far from something that is so me.

My husband told me I was being ungrateful and should be happy someone thought to get me anything. It makes me feel like a brat that didn’t get what she wanted. But I’m like you, it’s not the thing I’m most upset about, it’s just that the wrong gift is a reminder to me that the people around me don’t know me, don’t pay attention to who I am or what I like or what makes me who I am. It gets me so down.

Here’s an example, I am not a girly girl by any means, I don’t drink alcohol or go clubbing. My mom once for a birthday got me a charm bracelet that had charms of a high heel, martini glass, lipstick, etc. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I was so offended. I thought does she think this is who I am??

So I totally get why you are upset, and the other stressors make it feel so much worse. So you are not a bad person. I get it.

Maybe this is not quiet what you were talking about but I get it about people not meeting your expectations and needs.

[BrownEyesBlue in reply to KittenMittens22]

Yes. Thank God someone understands. You hit the nail on the head. I’m truly appreciative of all I am given. Thank you for putting it in words I couldn’t seem to find myself 💚