That’s how I feel. I’m the ungrateful brat.
This Christmas is extremely difficult for me. One of the hardest since the first one I celebrated without Mom and my sister. But I’m trying.
My sister, who has her own issues, has a problem with alcohol and is more into catching fish and anything not related to the home, decided she’d be the one to go do last minute Christmas shopping and grocery shopping while I stayed and tended to Dad. Yes. We all three live together.
We have her $100 each towards the expense. That was an extra $200; plus I’d given her extra for stocking stuffers. What she came back with was a far cry from what I indicated we needed. I could feel my anxiety building as I tried my best to smile and tell her everything was okay. It wasn’t. But I didn’t want to make her feel bad.
Then.... close your eyes. I obliged her. It was a new phone. A Samsung Galaxy. I was shocked and emotional and very very thankful. My mouth however, said something different; “ a new iPhone”. The look on her face made me feel like utter shit. I’d only ever used and purchased Apple products. I’d just assumed. I loved the phone; I loved that she had given it to me but even I, the master of hiding my true feelings, couldn’t hide my slight disappointment and I saw the hurt and disappointment on her face as she mumbled “I got that wrong too”.
I cried myself to sleep. It’s not about the phone. Far from. It’s from hurting her feelings; it’s much more deep rooted than the friggin phone. Yet I’m left here feeling like an ungrateful brat. And I don’t know what to do......