Petrified of everything

[Wordsby]

I am a very caring person, always doing things for others. Last April I got let go without notice. It shook me to my core. I was rejected, not smart enough, etc. It has terrible. I waited until the last possible moment to sign up for unemployment benefits, only after exhausting my savings. I didn't want to use money meant for other people who need it more. I stopped opening my mail and just let it pile up. After two and a half months, I got a new job. And the anxiety got worse. My job is highly stressful. I have no desk but use a wheeled bag to transport my computer, etc. Between 18 different hospital & clinic locations. I make my own schedule, but there is no stability in that schedule. I work all hours of the day including weekends. Bosses are always on me to hit certain goals and it just exhausts me.

Last fall I had a major falling out with my sister after which she lost custody of her kids and blamed me. It nearly broke me. But I kept working and tried to keep my head above water. I still couldn't open my mail and paid several bills, including rent, late. I felt terrible about it, but I had no stability anywhere. I was diagnosed with GAD with ongoing depression and put on citalopram in December.

I've been feeling a little better, and even updated my resume to try to move on to a job that is a better fit. Then i had a panic attack on Friday after getting an email about past due bills. I outed myself to a few trusted friends & family. They were amazing! I started to budget, contacted a few of my bills, and even feel brave enough to go through my mail. And then I found a letter (still unopened) from the county housing court or something and I lost it again. I can still barely breathe. It may be an eviction notice. I don't know how I will get through this day. I am so disconnected from myself. I just want everything to be ok.

Anyone have any similar issues? Anyone else have crippling fears of the mail and the unknown? How do you or how did you cope?

[hypercat54]

Hi I emphasise with you so much in where you are now. I was wondering how you know you were let go because you weren't 'smart enough etc'? Did they say this to you? Might it be for different reasons i3 ie last in first out, or they were having to make cutbacks?

Well done for getting a new job but I agree it does sound very stressful so you are wise to look for a new one.

As for your mail I don't really have any answers coz I do this myself and have done for around 30 years. For this reason I put all my bills on direct debit as I nearly got into trouble a few times. I used to have a friend who would help me open them. Do you have anyone to help you? I find it's less scary with someone else helping.

Is there any reason why you should be evicted? Do you owe rent? Why not give the courts a call and see what the letter said. I know this is very scary but it is better than suddenly having no home. Let us know what happens please. x

[hypercat54 in reply to hypercat54]

Oh I can't see how you would have enough power to lose your sister custody of her kids. It sounds like she needs someone to blame and has picked on you. x

[jkl5500]

When I had depression, I dreaded getting the mail each day, too. But as sick as I was , I still realized that ignoring a bill or some legal notice isn't going to make it disappear. As terrible as I felt, I had to deal with it right away. Delaying only makes everything worse.

If you're really shook up right now, can you ask a friend to come over and help you sift through the pile of mail you have?

[gogogirl]

Please contact the housing court - you are doing so well otherwise. Are you in the USA?

[Aspergirl47]

Hey...I'm doing this just now too..piles of mail sitting in my flat and I nearly panic even at the thought of opening my mail..the suggestions of asking someone to open them for u..is a good one...I might try that myself...avoidance never leads to good things!!! I really understand how scared u feel..but please don't let it go on any further...be brave and ask for help as u did on here Best of luck x