Why is everything so heavy?

At the age of 5 I lost my older brother(8), almost three years later I saw my mother attempt suicide. I find it nearly impossible to talk about this with any of my friends, family and even my spouse. How do you talk about it, sometimes I, myself even struggle to comprehend what happened and how it has affected me.

[Genuineguy]

Im so sorry for what you went through. It sounds so painful and numbing. You should be able to talk about these things as they are such a significant part of your life and how you came to be who you are.

[Hidden in reply to Genuineguy]

It is quite a lot to handle, It is painful. I have to be honest, it took me 30 minutes to actually pull myself together and express my feelings, as I generally keep my thoughts and emotions to myself. I wrote it over and over again until I had built up enough courage to actually post it.

[Genuineguy in reply to Hidden]

You did really good. Dont give up expressing yourself. There are people that want to listen and be there for you

[Starrlight]

(((((((((Le_Derp)))))))))) ❤️

[Starrlight]

Hey friend how ya doin?

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

I am trying to be okay. I will have to admit its hard, I feel like I have no control right now. My mind has me trapped and I am struggling to find a way out.