Hey.
I have this problem since my life tore apart and I don't know how to solve it. I tried to read a lot of books but whenever I pick up a book I get this anxiety and reading becomes painful. I also suffer from depersonalisation and C-PTSD so I wonder if that could be a trigger. Has anyone else had similar problems?
I was an avid reader before my breakdown form a Major Depression/Anxiety Disorder and PTSD. The Black Hole lasted a year and a half. Through therapy and meds I've been reasonably stable for around 5 months.
But I can't focus on a book long enough to read. I haven't pushed myself, although I keep trying. So I can identify with your symptoms. I just know it upsets my stomach and I put it down.
I can, however, listen to audible books for a period of time, if it's an author I really enjoy. But it's not the same as getting lost in a book.
Whatever the cause (meds, breakdown, etc) it's another thing I've lost to this terrible disease.
Hopefully we both can look forward to getting back the ability.
Hi af355, I once went through a time of tremendous fear of reading and writing. I wouldn't even sign my name. I had to convince myself according to the scripture 2 Timothy 1:7 which says "God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power, love and of a sound mind". I kept saying it when I became fearful of those things and the fear went away. Praise God!
What anxiety do u get when u start to read?
Reading is not enjoyable to me. Concentration is an issue associated with depression and anxiety. Audible books work for me friend!
af355, your difficulty in reading and your depersonalisation are symptoms of your anxiety disorder. May I respectfully suggest that you concentrate not on the symptoms but the cause - because once you crack the cause and your nervous system calms then all your symptoms will disperse.
The cause of your anxiety disorder is that for too long you experienced stress, worry, loss, grief, over work, toxic relationships, shame, disappointment. Not all of these of course but sufficient for your nerves to say "Enough!"
At this point they become over sensitised and begin to plague you with all the symptoms we are so familiar with: health anxiety, social anxiety, depersonalisation, derealisation, feelings of impending doom etc.
Symptoms are distressing and this causes fear. We fight against the symptoms. Our fear releases fear hormones which maintain our nerves in their sensitised state. Our fighting causes more tension and stress and solves nothing. Is it any wonder recovery seems an impossible goal.
But you can recover no matter how long or deeply you have suffered. There are no exceptions.
FIRST, you you must deal with those things causing you distress. You must neutralise them and you should be ruthless in doing so. Seek the advice of the wisest person you know if need be. Make those changes! And if there is something that cannot be changed, view it from a different perspective, one that is less distressing
SECOND, instead of fighting your symptoms you must agree to accept them for the time being. Let them come, do nothing to stop or avoid the feelings.
Why fear a mere feeling? You know very well now that once you stop flooding your nerves with fear they will return to normal and the bad feelings will cease. You will recover.
But it must me real acceptance for the moment: the willingness to lead your life as normal despite the symptoms. Real acceptance is not the same as 'just putting up with' the bad feelings. Real acceptance means getting up in the morning and getting on with your day regardless of whether you feel the symptoms or not. Either way the symptoms no longer matter.
Gradually you lose your fear of the symptoms because you accept them (for the time being). And you cannot both accept and fear something. Choose acceptance.
This, then, is the way forward.
af355, you now have understanding, reassurance and a road plan for recovery. Above all, you now have hope.
