I read letter...

[coolkitty1934]

She doesnt think we should be friends anymore....she was basically being friends out of pity and she wanted to help but when she heard me talk about my issues she was uncomfortable.She was never planning on keeping this friendship.Just like everyone else, If they are around me it only hurts them.I cause stress and problems everywhere i go and i just hate myself....Anyway enjoy my self hate meme i made hahaha...Im not okay TT_TT

[kenster1]

better off without them if they can`t be friends with the real you.

[coolkitty1934 in reply to kenster1]

it gets worse with every person that breaks off from me i have yet to find a single person that stays with me

[Starrlight in reply to coolkitty1934]

(((((((((((cool kitty))))))))))

[coolkitty1934 in reply to Starrlight]

what?

[Boston001]

I also struggle with self steam issues. I fill my thoughts with negative undermining, unproductive crap that only reinforces the depression and does nothing to solve why and how I got here in the first place. I turn on the Tv or search the latest news and within seconds, I see hundreds of people that are far greater fuck ups than I'll ever be, and others who are suffering far greater tragedies than I will ever have to face. But none of that really matters because I have built this wall of self-loathing and my pain is my burden to drag thru the day. I too feel very alone because the people I collected along the way, whom I thought was my lifelong friends, were just along for the ride, someone they could use for my willingness to be helpful, or some they could get high or drunk with while they numbed their own pain. But the voice of reason in my head keeps telling me that I create more than my fair share of the depressing crap dragging me down and it only seems as big as it is because I let it repeat over and over in my head. I have proven that to myself many times by giving my headspace something else to work on, physical exercise, meditation, art projects, and sometimes just changing my everyday environment for a few hours. A few weeks ago I went to the local beach during a storm. Winter storms here in New England are angry powerful things. And I was standing there soaked to my skin freezing and shivering, watching the waves crashing on the rocks, I never felt so alive, so at the moment. And when I got back in my truck, shivering while I was waiting for the engine to warm back up, I realized I wasn't thinking about the past or worrying about the future, all I wanted was for the dam truck to warm up lol.

I sincerely hope you find the peaceful headspace that you need to move forward!

[coolkitty1934 in reply to Boston001]

i might ask my papa to bring out to the cabin during spring break

[Starrlight in reply to Boston001]

that in the moment time you had sounds awesome

[Boston001 in reply to Starrlight]

And the tigers in our heads loose their claws when we break the repeating patterns

[Marysblue in reply to Boston001]

I heard someone's quote thisweek..... I found the enemy and it is me. You have good insight.

[Marysblue]

I have the same problem . I had a neighbor quit speaking to me this month strictly because of my depression. She was in my car and actually started yelling at me about it . And another new friend got mad at me Saturday morning and said she's done after I rushed around getting ready to meet. I was in bad physical pain and she screwed around and was going to be an hour late. She got mad at me because I said something about it. We're better off without these cruel people in our life.

[coolkitty1934 in reply to Marysblue]

i guess

[Marysblue in reply to coolkitty1934]

The way I've come to think about it lately, if you had diabetes would someone quit speaking to you because of that. It's an illness. But people don't understand that.. they have no idea how much work I put into not being depressed every day.And on the occasional day when it hits me hard. I try not to burden people but it seems like everyone is so stressed today you say one wrong thing and they cut you out of their life.

[Hidden]

You will find friends eventually who accept the real you. Be yourself and love yourself first. Others will come along. Friendship is a two-way street. Don’t sell yourself short. Anyone who treats you like this does not deserve your time or attention. Hang in there and be patient, there’s good people out there for you to meet. I promise!

[Hidden]

Listen, I was friends with someone on here for awhile and I had to stop talking to them not because I didn’t care but because I cared too much and I didn’t know what to say to help them anymore and it was affecting my own mental health. Sometimes there is a point where people can become overwhelmed and just don’t know what to say.

[Boston001 in reply to Hidden]

I can really relate to that. I have a Bipolar friend I had to ghost. it really hurt doing it, we have been friends since we were teenagers, They move back to my end of the world to be closer to her grandchildren, and I thought cool, no more 3-hour one way drive to visit, then the calls started, she was manic from misusing Adderall, 3:am can you lone me money I'm out of gas, the rapid machinegun talking among other things, I just had to walk away from it all too safe myself. I did try to talk it out but she is too self centered to listen. Same thing with my two older sisters, manic drug abusers

[Hidden in reply to Boston001]

Yes, I hope this person is doing okay. I felt like I was becoming too involved in what was going on with him. I was thinking about leaving this site but this place has been a haven for me, especially with the pandemic going on and all the social isolation. But I’ve learned my lesson and done with giving anyone my email address or phone number. Someone can seem great online, and then when you really talk to them it can feel like a disappointment or something. I’ve never tried online dating but I bet that’s the kind of thing that happens with that too.

[Boston001 in reply to Hidden]

Well I'm sorry your willingness to be helpful had such a negative impact on you. It sure feels good at first to be someone's friend. I am glad you didn't go, your screen name is so unique I know I have read a lot of your contributions here at HU

[Midori]

Don't hate yourself; It is absolutely NOT your fault.

She is the one who should feel bad, not you, because it says far more about her than it does about you. Hold your head up and walk proud.

Cheers, Midori