Hi I have a son who I don’t have the energy to play with. I love him with all my heart he really is great but I can’t bear to hear him say my name as I can’t be the mum I want to be. I don’t wish to be rich or beautiful I just wish I had the energy to get up of the sofa to play with my boy. I honestly wish my life would just pass. Every time I crawl out of my hole something soon trips me up again. I had severe depression in my 20s then postnatal depression/mild psychosis a few years back I’m left with just a shell. I used to be so creative. I still get moments but I have to hide it because it just comes off bizarre. At times I just want to talk about really deep stuff but it’s often inappropriate. I can’t connect to people I spend most evenings just in the internet.
40 and wishing my life away - Anxiety and Depre...
40 and wishing my life away
Hello Purple , I was in your position long ago when I was in my twenties with two small children. I was able to recoverin time through medicine and therapy. I know you are over whelmed by what you think you should do and feeling guilty because you can't do it. If you can take 15 minutes a day and focus on your son it may make a huge difference for both of you. Can you watch a movie with him ? Snuggle up in bed with a bowl of popcorn. Read a book, listen to music and draw, couch dance together. Put a timer on so when time is up it's not your fault.
About your creativity , Keep working, work your way through the bad stuff. You'll get it out that way and make room for good things to come in. It is important for you to do this. It is one of the roads to recovery. You have to keep trying and you will be up and down. Expect it, but don't let it stop you. You can do this. Pam
Thankyou I love him to bits. I will do your suggestions. I often put too much pressure on myself to help him grew into a happy adult. But the best days are when I give myself permission to just relax and enjoy the day for what it is. Thankyou XX
Write. You have a story in there somewhere, start to write. Put your creativity into that. Use your computer, laptop, tablet or whatever... to write.
Thankyou I should try to do this more often.
I hope you’re on medication. Yes deep stuff will make you tired. You’re weighed down. I hope you find light hearted days ahead
It sure is Thankyou for responding x
Mom to mom your okay your son may be ur escape from the hole when he calls ur name his way of being there for you as you need to be there for him my baby girl is gone id give anything to here her say momma one more time its hard i know but sometimes our kids are our guardian angels our saviors we need them as much as they need us
I understand because I am that way too. Im 63 and my grandsons are 10 and 5. They have sooo much energy and love it when I play with them. I have a list of illnesses due to inflamation in my body. I feel bad when they keep asking me to play. But, because I have ulcerative colitis, depression, and I have horrible!!! toothache since Friday. Since Thanksgiving I cant sleep or even sit still it hurts so bad. All the dentists are closed until Monday. Seems like everytime I have tooth problems, it happens on weekend or something.
One thing we stack dominoes, line them up to fall down. Also my oldest grandson likes to mouth (without sound) something and I guess what he is saying. I hope you feel better soon. Hang in there.
Thankyou so much for your suggestions dominos is a good plan. I hope you get to a dentist. Physical pain def makes my depression worse or vice versa but I think it’s both actually!
Purpledreamer: You ARE a good mama because you care...you care about your son and the situation you're in. You care enough to reach out and want to improve your situation. I wish I knew more so I could offer more specific ideas. So I'll just throw some out.
First of all, is there a partner in the picture? Can he come alongside you and help out?
Does he or anyone know about your struggle? We're not meant to do life alone; we all need others to help carry our burdens and encourage us! What about family & friends? Be courageous and reach out to someone who can help you.
Is there some trauma from your past that has caused years of depression, perhaps something you've pushed down and are afraid to face? This is what happened in my life (rape by my father) and it took a long time before I was ready to walk towards the pain and deal with it once and for all. God helped me and healed me. He will do this for you, too, if you invite Him into your life to come alongside you. He loves you beyond what you can imagine, and you are precious in His sight.
Have you seen a physician to get a diagnosis and perhaps get on medication that will help you? Don't be ashamed if you need to get on meds. It can be a lifesaver.
When is the last time you laughed? Honestly, laughter really IS good medicine. I dare you to go stand in front of the mirror and fake-laugh. Do silly laughs, crying laughs, loud laughs. Fake it til you make it. When I've done this, voila, I feel better (altho' I also feel VERY silly and embarrassed!)
Would you be willing to get off the sofa just once and go take your son to the park or on a walk for one hour? I promise you'll feel better. Fresh air can change your perspective.
I also challenge you to GET OFF the internet. Research has shown that hours spent on the internet/social media/gaming/binge-watching dramatically increases depression and anxiety. Try reading books aloud to your son. Try blasting music and dancing with him. Bake cookies together. If you have to be drastic and cut off your internet or have someone take your computer for awhile, do it!
You used to be creative? Doing what? That passion and talent is still inside you, waiting to bust out. Can you spend some time journaling, drawing, singing, designing??? The more you feed your creativity, the better you'll feel. Let your emotions come out in your creativity. Some of the most beautiful things humankind has created have flowed out of the person's deep pain.
And talking about deep stuff? That's what I love to do, too! Many people are afraid to go deep, but I guarantee that if you keep looking, if you keep putting yourself out there, you'll find others like that. I highly recommend joining a church if you haven't already, and once you get into a small group, you WILL have some of the deepest discussions ever! I feed my soul on the verses of scripture that search deep within me and bring me so much hope and joy.
I wish you all the best. Take one small step today. Each day is a new chance to make a better choice. You CAN do this! Hug your son, and every time he says your name, smile and say "I love being your mum." Stop believing the lies that you can't be a good mum. Defeat them every time they pop up by speaking TRUTH! "I love my son and I AM a good mum!" Say it! Sending you an e-hug....
Wow I can see the strength you get from this Thankyou. I do think about it often I love thinking about the way life is and how it just goes on for ever if you let your mind take you there. Yes philosophy of any kind really interests me and I see religion as a type of philosophy. There are so many lenses with which to view the world.....and that is just from the perspective of this world! Love it Thankyou so much x
I am a deep thinker, too, often wishing someone could relate. After years of putting my foot in my mouth and people thinking I am weird or crazy, I stopped. I don’t recommend that. I feel ashamed of who I am. Bravo to you for being yourself.
If you tried meds and they didn’t help, ask about genetic testing. There is a test that will show which meds are best for yoy, not just for depression but other categories. The one I did only cost me $300 because my insurance covered the rest.
I love dominos, especially the cool temperature of the shiny white ones. There’s something satisfying about how they feel.
You’re not alone. Fresh air does help, a positive distraction does also. I agree that Internet time is negative. Maybe paint a wood birdhouse or similar yard ornament and let your son help. It doesn’t have to be a perfect thing, might be a mess, but it would be something you create together. And the tactile feel of painting with a brush is oddly satisfying (to me).
((((((Hug)))))
Definitely medication! I agree. I’ve tried many and I’m almost 40 and finally found a great antidepressant. It’s hard to be motivated with this illness and a lot of guilt arises when we can’t be who we want to be for our loved ones; but, you’re stronger than you think. And the time you spend with your son I’m sure doesn’t go unnoticed. You just have to keep fighting; for him and you! And 40 is like the new 20! You can do this!! You can’t be too hard on yourself. It will drag you down. Instead, be proud of what you do DO! Give yourself more credit! And you’re definitely not alone!! It’s tough being a parent these days. There’s no such thing as being perfect. All the best to you!!
Hi, so I’m curious as to what was the great antidepressant that you’ve found? I’m currently on fluoxetine and although it has only been a few weeks now it hasn’t really been helping me very much.
I combined Zoloft and Abilify. I take it at the same time everyday. I also love Clonopin for night Anxiety. I’ve tried a lot of medications. And I noticed a huge difference with the Abilify.
“Be proud of what you do do” such good advice Thankyou yes it’s al about perspective and how you choose to see things. I’m feeling much better now Thankyou for responding x
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