Would you forgive?

[UnderstandingMyPain]

If someone was physically abusive to you and he apologized and his actions show that he is truly sorry, would you work it out with the person or would you say NO THANK YOU???

[Solidrain]

I’m not so sure I’d want to work it out with the person. You can forgive him, but that doesn’t mean he has to stay in your life. If he abused you it might be better to cut ties.

It’s always up to you though, this is just my opinion!

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to Solidrain]

I agree! The reason why I wanted to throw the question out is because I was told today to give my abuser another chance. I immediately said WTF I would neverrrrr if he could not respect me before, why would he now. So I throw the question out to see if more ppl felt the same way as the person who told me to work this out.

[hitbyasegway]

I know many women who were unfortunately abused by their partners and no matter how sorry he seems, they always go back to being abusive. I think because you had to ask for advice, you already know what you should do. It will be very hard, but if he can do it once, he WILL do it again. Maybe in a few years, maybe tomorrow. But it will happen. Please look out for yourself and if you decide to stay, I will be praying for your safety and that he truly is sorry and never lays a hand on you again. Best of luck with everything

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to hitbyasegway]

I wrote this replying so a previous reply:

I agree! The reason why I wanted to through the question out is because I was told today to give my abuser another chance. I immediately said WTF I would neverrrrr if he could never respect me before, why would he now. So I through the question out to see if more ppl felt the same way as the person who told me to work this out.

[Hidden]

No. Never work it out. It won't stop.

[Ak907]

I do believe that everyone deserves a second chance. However no one is obligated to give said person a second chance. Especially if giving the second chance risks harm to yourself.

Statistically speaking domestic violence offences are not one-offs. I would advise you to part separate ways with this individual and hope the best for him/her. Most importantly do what is right for you!!your well being is your number one investment!!

[Kasra_]

i will forgive him even if he dont apologize [only in my heart], but i will never work it out with that person either he apologize or not, cuz if he aboused once he will do it again and easier, i prefer to stay away from that person, it is the best solution i think

[Ardraven]

I agree with the consensus so far.

I have found much healing in forgiving the people who have abused me in my life. Sadly one of them was my first wife and when I was younger and more naive than I am now I gave her several chances to work on the marriage, moving back in with her having fled in fear just because she apologised and promised to change and/or get help with her anger. Although things were always OK for two weeks to a month or even a little longer sometimes it would never be that long til the control, anger and violence started again and without exception every time it started back up, within less than a year of me going back to her it would be worse than before I left.

So when it comes to abuse in relationships, even though it is the most tempting to believe that the abuser can stop and change the way they treat you, while I would quite likely forgive when I was in a good enough place to think clearly again, I would never give them a second chance to abuse me or try to work things out with them as far as staying in a home or relationship with them goes. I've learned my lesson and I'm lucky I'm still alive to benefit from the lesson. You need to protect yourself. By abusing you the person broke your trust. Being in a relationship with someone you can't trust is likely to end in damage to your wellbeing and you deserve better.

[Dolphin14]

I would move on.

[All_alone]

Hi. I would say NO!!! Without the thank you. Physical or emotional abuse, not caring, unsupportiveness to me doesn't matter. For me actions speak louder than words. Sadly, I think the words I'm sorry have become just words anymore. I should have left yrs ago but I was away from home a lot with work. Things did bother me but I chose to ignore it and do my own thing. But as I slowly cut back on traveling for work the more things I saw......and now here I am. Should have done things differently.

[lmwoodcrafts]

Hi UnderstandingMy Pain,

I can tell you from professional and personal experience you are on target! In order to change people have to be extremely dedicated and work real hard. We just don't change our core personalities in an I'm sorry. Yes I believe in second chances or I probably wouldn't be where I am today, but take care of you first!! If I can be of any help to you I am willing.

I am hoping maybe you can help me too. I don't want to pretend to be something I am not. I am a social worker that has suffered the experience of deep depression and severe anxiety years ago. I have been good for a while, but here is my problem. I see that you are on quite frequently and I have been given a difficult assignment for my masters of social work (MSW). I have been trying different groups and not succeeding at this online group therapy. I totally understand depression and being in a very dark place, but fortunately for me, I am not there now. It has been a real journey though. My problem is I need someone to help me with this assignment. I will not be using names and will respect confidentiality. I just need to have a conversation with someone that I can express my feelings of the experience and whether this online support groups help. So far it has not been positive. I am willing to share my past for open dialogue, I just don't know how to do this online group. I am hoping by reaching out to someone who seems knowledgeable in this they might be able to help me. I will begin by telling you I am 59 years old, and the computer is not my forte. I am hoping I will know how to even check for your response. If you feel like you can't do it, I will understand. I will tell you more about it if you can help me. I am sure by my name you can tell I love crafts and that is what helped bring me out of my depression. Hope we can talk!

Thanks

Lmwoodcrafts