Forgive

[bethanneb]

In search of some sort of advice/tips on forgiving yourself...this past month or so has been an absolute struggle mentally and emotionally for me because I’ve been beating myself up for a drunken mistake (I slapped someone I care about so much in an argument but don’t even remember doing so) back in January (which lead to us breaking up the week of Valentine’s Day after spending the time of working on moving forward since the incident) and it’s been on my mind every day since. I’ve vowed to stop drinking since the incident happened (because truly I’ve never done something like that and it’s not who I am as a person to do something like that) and I’ve stuck with it!! I guess I’m just having a hard time forgiving myself and continuing to move forward...thank you a head of time for any tips, I really appreciate any advice at all❤️

[HearYou]

bethanneb, there various steps some use to work through the process of forgiving oneself. But like to ask a question that may a key part; how much or often did you drink before your recent effort to stop? Congratulations on that decision and succeeding so far.

[fauxartist]

I'm sorry your going through the regrets of not remembering what you did while drinking. First off, take it from a very long time recovering alcoholic. If your blacking out and acting out, your either going to have to make two choices. You stop drinking for 'YOU', not because of what did, or for who you did it to, etc. You can Only stop drinking for you. When that person moves on, then many slip back into drinking because they no longer have the reason around to stop drinking.

Second, the reason your drinking to blackout, and correct me if I'm wrong, but this may not have been the first time you've blacked out or had problems because of drinking, but if this is a pattern...you have a disease...you cannot drink....EVER. This disease is progressive, that means eventually it will kill you, liver disease, heart attack, etc. You have two choices., drink and die, or get sober and get into some sort of support group, and live.

There are many many recovery systems, I started out way way back in the day with AA. A 12 step group, I also went to therapy to learn to cope with what I was self medicating to not feel the raw feelings I had from past abuse when sober. I also did some other 12 steps. I am in no way promoting AA or 12 step groups, they are not for everyone. But what ever you do...DON'T DRINK...and get some kind of support system in place outside for friends and family.

Forgiveness comes later...it's called making amends to those you have harmed or hurt while drinking, and forgiving yourself because it's not your fault you have a disease. It's your choice not to drink. Many in recovery live in regrets, guilt, blame, shame, and the list goes -on. But the merry-go-rounds stops only when you stop it. After some sobriety, all the rest will fall into place in it's own time.

[old-soul]

I will tell you what works for me. I stop and ask myself, "if my closest friend of family member was in my shoes, what would I say to them? How would I talk to them?" Then I take action to give myself the same gentle and loving advice. If I talked to ANY of my friends the way I sometimes talk to myself, trust me, they would not remain my friends for long.

[Hidden]

You have to forgive yourself, who on earth doesn't make mistakes. I believe once you forgive yourself you'll let the weight off your shoulders & feel better! I'm here for you! Sending you joy, love & peace! XXX

[bethanneb]

Thank you everyone for all the advice and tips!! I really appreciate it all so much!

[HearYou]

One way I have found helpful for making amends and forgiving myself is to write a note.....yes an actual handwritten note....means more as there is more effort to do it, and mail it or slip it to someone and say "Later, when you have time."

"No matter what was going on with me at the time, there is no excuse for what I said (did) to you. "

[newhope]

You said that you know who you are as a person and this isn’t who you are - I believe you. Stay true to that and hold onto it for dear life. It’s amazing that you know who you are and that is the first step. Keep that thought in your mind - constantly remind yourself that you know who you are and that self-love and forgiveness will happen. You can do this. You know who you are. ❤️

[bethanneb]

Thank you for the kind words and tips; truly I really appreciate it all!

[old-soul in reply to bethanneb]

Keep the plug in the jug, stay honest, keep an open mind, be willing to keep trying new things to improve yourself, and NEVER forget where your drinking took you. (That doesn't mean never forgive yourself, just don't ever forget the results of your drinking in the past) If you can do that, I have strong reasons to believe that you will never have to find yourself struggling with a desire to figure out how to drink safely EVER again.

[bethanneb in reply to old-soul]

Thank you so much!