Coping Mechanisms

[Pumpernickel]

Hey I’m new to this group, looking for support from people who are going through the same thing I am. I lost custody of my 2 children 5 years ago due to an abusive relationship I was in and ever since then I have been severely depressed. I’m on medication for my anxiety which helps but I’m having a really hard time dealing with the overwhelming sadness. I’ve turned to alcohol to numb the pain which only makes everything worse. Any tips or advice on coping mechanisms? Thanks for reading 😊

[Hidden]

Oh my I feel for you. Now I don't mean to lecture, yet you do know alcohol is a depressant, so that's giving you a double whammy. Are you in therapy or getting any other kind of help?

I'm a mom of 4 grown kids, I can only imagine how you must be feeling, my heart goes out to you. I'm here for you.

May you have some sparkle in your day..

Dump trucks of groovy love, peace, light, joy and hugs!

[Pumpernickel in reply to Hidden]

Yes drinking just makes it worse, step 1 is to quit that. No I’m not in therapy I can’t afford to see a psychologist at the moment so I am looking into free counselling options in my area. I don’t really have any support my parents live far away from me and I don’t have any friends where I live. It’s very lonely 😢

[Hidden in reply to Pumpernickel]

That's a difficult one when you don't have support, you'll get plenty of that here. Try your best to focus on the positives in your life, even small ones, which to some are huge, like being able to see and walk...when you do this it breeds more positive for you.

I wish you all the best and here's some sparkles for your day!

Dump trucks of groovy love, peace, light, joy and hugs!

[Hidden in reply to Pumpernickel]

Being away from your family, can't be helpful for you. Do you have a chance to join clubs or meet people in your area? Are you able to keep a pet, or do you have any hobbies which you can share in a group? Do you think moving to a new area has not helped?

If it has because you haven't got old contacts who have given you gyp, are you able to move forward as it seems part of your depression is due to loss of your family, and it is hard to move on without having your memories as a continual reminder of the past.

As for giving up the drink, if you like non alcoholic drinks such as lager or beer, you can enjoy the taste of alcohol without the effects. I like a drink which is a type of Pina coladi drink, about 4 percent alcohol mixed with tonic. Some wines are much lower in alcohol than others, and drinks such as Schloer made from grapes and Pomagne are made with fruit and are alcohol free. There are some good videos on u tube on how to relieve somatic anxiety. There are different ways to distract yourself, when you feel you are anxious to change your thought patterns to think of something that you have enjoyed in the past such as swimming in a warm sea, or enjoying sun bathing in tranquil surroundings. If you like music finding records which can lift your mood might help.

Don't know if you are working because if you are there is always so much to do.

[Hidden]

Oh my forgive me...I see you just joined. Welcome to the site! You'll find many kind, caring and loving people here. You're going to love it...Let me know if I can help you in any way...

Dump trucks of groovy love, peace, light, joy and hugs for you!

[Hidden]

Hi Pumpernickel - so sorry you have lost your children. I cannot imagine the pain you have been through with an abusive relationship, and how and why decisions have been made, by other organisations to lose custody. If you live in the UK, there are various procedures depending on whether you divorce, or are assessed as unable to look after your children.

Are you able to access your children to visit them and were you able to bond with them when they were young? We all know we turn to foods and drinks which can make us relax to take our mind off things. I turn to comfort foods, which can pile the weight on, but there are foods which can lift your mood and give the feel good factor. Drugs and alcohol can be toxic affecting your liver and your health so you feel worse. Are you able to access cognitive behaviour therapy or post traumatic stress disorder treatment? I just hope you can find the right links in your area to help you through the maze.

[Pumpernickel in reply to Hidden]

Thank you very much! I took your suggestion and looked into cognitive behaviour therapy and signed up for a course! I talk to my older son but I have no contact with my younger son (different dads) I’m in Canada and I live in a different province than them so I can’t visit them...it’s very hard makes me feel like a failure as a mother 😢

[Hidden in reply to Pumpernickel]

That's so good to sign up for therapy. This must be so difficult for you being a parent to two sons, living in a different country. Canada sounds a great country but expect you are so far from your parents. Was this intentional as you realised the difficulties of adapting to your past? You have a positive attitude so you are on your way to reshaping your life and increasing your confidence. Canadians seem friendly folk. Well done!

[Pumpernickel in reply to Hidden]

Yes I moved to a different province to get away from my abusive ex and also to try and escape the pain of my situation. All the bad memories I couldn’t stay there any longer so I moved across the country to have a “fresh start”

[Hidden in reply to Pumpernickel]

You made a decision to help you be free from difficult relationships. The hard thing is contact with both your sons. As long as you know they are settled and happy, that must help you. it is awful when you are shut out of relationships by circumstances beyond your control. it pays to hang on and try to keep contact, somehow may be through Skype. You still have your life to live. You sound a great person to overcome all these incidents. From experience of dominant and controlling relationships with in laws, I know this can affect you terribly so adjusting to your new life away, is hard but expect you will start enjoying your new home when you start to make friends. Cheers.

[NeuronerdDoaty]

That alcohol is going to wipe that anxiety medication right out of your brain. Can you start with AA? You headed in the wrong direction with that and your wasting your money and time on pills that won’t work because of it. Find an AA to start and we’ll take it from there.

You can be a survivor. Don’t let someone else make decisions for your life now. We’re here for you.

Doaty💛

[Booklover0219]

Welcome to this group. I hope you benefit from my friendship here. I’m here to listen and I hope I can offer some words of wisdom on occasion. I’m terribly sorry you don’t have your children. I hope you can spend some time with them. I hope you can get into therapy soon. I hope you can get back into a social life and develop a support system for yourself. I wish you nothing but the best.