Not coping well

[lovemydoggy]

I’m having a mixed episode. It’s horrible. When will it stop? Who knows?

I think I’m breaking because of life stressors. We all have them. I have no fix for any of it. I’m not even sure that’s the reason. I don’t know if it’s scarier not to know or to know I’m not able to cope with the road ahead. Elderly parents that have serious health issues. A 33 year old son on the autism spectrum with bipolar with delusions/hallucinations, ADHD who barely leaves the house, lives with me on disability and never had a girlfriend.

Then me, just dealing with me is enough. I’m bipolar and have anxiety along with autoimmune inflammatory arthritis that is painful, but the AI fatigue can really knock me down. Now a mixed episode.

Sorry for the long post. I’m feeling helpless and think I just had to get it out. It’s good to know you guys are here. 🙏🏼

[Turnipgirl]

It would be nice wouldn't it if we could wave a magic wand and problems would just disappear!

[Turnipgirl]

Back in May the day after I moved I got myself in a right old state about the future and what it might hold and I rang a friend for support who was very good and said to take things a day at a time and that I did and found it helped and how those silly people who go on about what they want for the future with confidence aren't me and they hadn't been through what I had and how the pain of moving would ease in time and yes the passing of time has helped.

[lovemydoggy in reply to Turnipgirl]

Thanks. That’s very true. I usually can do that and my mental state is stable except for an occasional panic attack and free floating anxiety I get. I’m guessing mental symptoms are hitting me because I see it happening now. More than ever before and I don’t know if I’m up to it. I suppose my fear of not being able to handle things is causing me to not be able to handle things. What a vicious circle it is. 😬

[Turnipgirl]

Hopefully it will be a nice easy quiet day for me today as there's no swimming as its my day off from there but I am back tomorrow and Friday at the usual time of 3pm.Yesterday was swimming and a walk down to the bus stop near the old flat as the weather was OK for a walk as there's lots of buses there I can catch that come this way and it's a nice walk down through the parks as well.

The bus I got was crowded but I managed it well and it felt like second nature doing it whereas this time last year I would have done anything to have avoided travelling on a crowded bus as now I have managed to convince myself when they come round how everything is fine and there's no call to get frightened over them!

To be fair I feel I have achieved a lot since last May when I got evicted and doing things now that felt like pie in the sky back then!

[lovemydoggy]

Thanks Twinkly. I have to go out today and be amongst people. That’ll do me good and the clocks changed here in the US so g to hats good. You’re so right. it does make a difference. I’m glad you mentioned anti-inflammatory diet! I have to do that as gain. I self medicate with food as so many of us do. I felt so much better eating well, and less. Hadn’t thought about it, but feeling like a failure at days end because of the sugar and pizza and ……. isn’t helping things. Already been through menopause though. Early, which resulted in osteoporosis, but thinking about that makes me grateful I’m not dealing with hormone craziness. That was part of why I had my first manic episode. Thanks for your reply!