I have a very strong suicidal desire at the memont. But this even not the worst thing, I feel extremely tried and depressed. My irritability can't be described. I can't handle this for 5 minutes more. It's almost the worst memont in my life i can't imagine myself surviving just these next hours.
I feel locked in hell every memont is the worst. I'm not handling this. I'm at college right now and i can't understand why can't i just die.
This is not like any other time
Hey there...how are you feeling now...Do you want to talk?
Dump trucks of groovy love, peace, light, joy and hugs for you!
I just wanted to say how much I LOVE your way of signing off at the end of your posts ... ‘Dump trucks of groovy love, peace, light, joy and hugs for you’
I hope it gives you a little smile. I'm an old time hippie, only way to be, ha!
Yepper doodles more dump trucks filled with groovy love, peace, light, joy and hugs for you!
It does make me smile.
There’s a small doughnut chain in my area called Peace, Love, and Little Donuts. I can picture you working for them and driving the delivery van, as it’s got the groovy 60’s theme logo on it. ☮️ ❤️ 🍩
Ha..that's as I like to say Killer Cool!
Make it shine today!
Dump trucks of groovy love, peace, light, joy and hugs!
I think you have not told us the full story of why you feel this way, Adher. You have intelligence, articulation and mobility: you have everything you need to build a satisfying and happy life and overcome your problems. Will you not rise to the challenges that you feel threaten you? You are fully capable of doing so.
Only the will is lacking and that is because you are depleted of nervous energy. That will change with rest and the passage of time. You will not always feel this way, hold on and respite will come and you will regain your quiet mind.
Do things that make you happy and you will become happy. Things are not as bad as they seem, I promise you. Do not think about leaving, your work here is far from done.
Sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time. I feel similarly terrible at the moment but I do have the perspective of having felt like this before and knowing that however impossible it felt that things would get better or that I could keep going or stand the agonising hopelessness until they did, I made it and felt better in time. If I hadn't survived my attempt on my own life the first time I felt like this then I would have missed out on the best times of my life in between. So if we surrender to the pain and torment that seem all encompassing now who knows what wonderful experiences, literally unimaginable in our current states of mind, we could be robbing ourselves of?
If you're telling yourself that others in your life would be better off if they didn't have to deal with a screwup in their lives then tell yourself, literally tell your own voice that it's wrong that it's complete rubbish because I was not the only member of my family to think that. The other didn't get lucky like I did last time and I saw what everyone went through in the aftermath. So I hurl my small but strong truths down the distorting throat of my own lack of self esteem, my own fear and most of all I use them to attack the awful pain and crawling discomfort in my own skin. They're all I've got but they might be enough for the next couple of minutes and then I'll go again. That's the only way to survive in the face of what feels like an eternity without hope opening up in front of you - if you can't take it one day at a time then try an hour at a time, if an hour's too much to ask then try ten minutes. If you can get through the next 20 seconds then you might find the courage to face the 20 after that's the only way to survive. And to claim the happy fulfilled life that seems like unbelievable fantasy right now.
Hey, how are feeling now??? I’m glad you found this forum. You’ll find a lot of people here that can relate to what you’re feeling and can provide suggestions on things that have worked for them. Have you talked to your parents or school psychologist? You should definitely talk to a professional about how you’re feeling. There are meds that can help. Depression is so real, but it’s also temporary. I know you’ve probably heard it before, don’t make a permanent decision on a temporary problem. This too shall pass. I’m pray that God shows himself and his grace on you in this moment. Lord give him a sound mind to make it to help.
I wonder if It is worth it
It's that time again. Honesty hour. 
Worst Week Ever
Just going through the motions..
The worst intrusive though ever.