Darkest before the dawn

[GustheGrinch]

"Always alone among men, I come home to dream by myself and to give myself over to all the forces of my melancholy. My thoughts dwell on death… What fury drives me to wish for my own destruction? No doubt because I see no place for myself in this world." —Napoleon before world conquest

[samack]

I suppose since time immemorial, we have struggled with the complexity of our lives. From grandiose power to the depths of despair, and back that's what makes us connected to those who have preceded us. Where do we ultimately belong? The end is the beginning and the beginning is the end. Was the world conquest a win for humanity? How do we measure our worth?

[GustheGrinch in reply to samack]

I sometimes think my anxiety is exacerbated by my belief that I should do greater things, followed up by my fear of success. I don't really think about European conquest, but I can relate to his despair and appreciate his realizing his potential. I'm depressed, I don't think I'm Napoleon.

[Roxylox in reply to GustheGrinch]

I wouldn't have thought you did think so lol! Your quotes and the accompanying text were simply very impressive and thought provoking.

I think many of us here suffer from not having achieved our potential in one way or another.

I wonder if we had achieved that particular thing we strive for would we still be seeking something further.

Mine is l didn't achieve a viable career.

I am fulfilling that need now by pursueing hobbies in the field that would have interested me.

I can do that because I am middle-aged, children reared, though two still in education, youngest soon to go to third level.

My new worry is that my husband works too hard to earn money for their education, they also do part-time work.

I just have a temporary part- time minimum wage job with few hours - wage tiny.

Sorry for going off on my own tangent, wanted to tell you l think I get you, we are all striving for something here or feel we need to, and you put that most eloquently.

[GustheGrinch in reply to Roxylox]

Thank you for the kind understanding Roxylox. It really does sound like you understand. In my estimation, having reared your children steeped in a desire learn, you are such a success story. But we are more than just a mom and a grandfather aren't we? For me personally, anything short of being considered the Charles Dickens of the New World, I am a failure. My wife is quite the loving person and tries very hard, but there is no support beyond the visible future. Taking time out to read the things I write is a step too far. If my family does not see potential what chance do I have to venture out alone?

[Roxylox in reply to GustheGrinch]

Could you self-publish?

[GustheGrinch in reply to Roxylox]

I have definitely been looking into it. Reedsy has a lot of options for new writers. I don't understand why, but I am just petrified with the attempt.

[Roxylox in reply to GustheGrinch]

I can understand. I'm beginning to dabble in writing myself, but in a very small way

[samack in reply to GustheGrinch]

I supposed you were not after a land grab. His despair was before his " greatness". He failed at the end. .Sometimes we have larger dreams that elude us. my big dreams never made it to fruition. Its a huge part of my depression. All my failures. Mine is global.You still have time to write. I'm afraid to dream. I'm resigned to a less than satisfied life.

[GustheGrinch in reply to samack]

Why a small life? If you don't mind me asking. I feel very strongly that we do make differences in other people when we apply. Are you sure you are resigned to it? After all, is that not why we are all here?