this really is the darkest I’ve ever been

[Adamj]

this is the darkest part of my life never experienced such a place even when I was 16 going through bad anxiety I didn’t feel like this. It doesn’t feel like I’m going to make it out of this part alive. I feel so alone and scared all the time. I cry often. I’ve never felt so bad in my life it’s so scary what my body/ brain does sometimes I don’t understand it. It’s not even that I’m suicidal and want to die it’s I’m tired of hurting and suffering.

[Starrlight]

I understand to some degree (except that we can’t ever experience exactly another’s feeling) I urge you to trudge along the best you can. Things get better and you’ve made it this far, have kept strong in the suffering and pain. Keep going; keep your head up. You can do it. ❤️

[Adamj in reply to Starrlight]

thank you it’s hard to keep going especially when I get no calm or am relaxed

[Starrlight in reply to Adamj]

Has your therapist shed any light on what you may be dealing with in terms of your mental health? We’re you ever diagnosed with PTSD?

[Starrlight in reply to Starrlight]

Oh I see Dolphin asked about PTSD earlier. I agree it sounds like that would be worth looking into.

[Dolphin14]

I agree with Starlight. Keep going and pushing through,

You have been through a lot and you haven't given up.

You mentioned you are alone this weekend, that can play a big part in your feeling increased anxiety. You are still recovering from the recent trauma with your mother.

Anxiety and depression can drain us completely if we let it. Keep fighting,

🐬

[Adamj in reply to Dolphin14]

true, it’s been over two months since I’ve even felt any calm it sucks it’s so intense

[Dolphin14 in reply to Adamj]

If it's not too private, how long has your mom been sick?

I'm certainly not a therapist but have you been diagnosed with PTSD? I'm just wondering if there is more depth to your diagnosis.

[Adamj in reply to Dolphin14]

my mom has been in and out of hospitals since I was like 14 or 15 due to heart issues and then at 17 she was diagnosed with breast cancer the first time. My life has been pretty traumatic with different things being mentally abused separation anxiety I do not do well with change at all. I’ve only ever been told “just anxiety” I did see that the psychiatrist put in that I have an adjustment disorder which may be why since I left my job back in the beginning of march I went down hill my brain does not do well having any time to think and that’s why I also think it’s destroyed me over these months so much stress then having my moms stress back on top of mine. Then my body doing weird things. I’ve been told by therapists possibly ptsd, ocd, anxiety, depression, adhd, panic

[Dolphin14 in reply to Adamj]

Thank you for sharing this information. Again I am not a therapist, but I've been in therapy a long time. So I'm just sharing my personal experiences.

It looks to me like you were introduced at a very young age to health issues and stress. Fear most likely took over. Personally I think " mood adjustment disorder" probably sums up what a lot of us go through. I carry that diagnosis also.

I have PTSD and have had it for many years. I will say from everything I've learned that some of the issues you talk about speak to me from a PTSD view point. PTSD has to be treated differently than generalized anxiety and depression.

I think if you look up a good source you will see that the symptoms over lap but they have a more complex base.

Just my thoughts Adam. I'm not sure if they are helpful.

[Adamj in reply to Dolphin14]

I will definitely look into it thank you

[Dolphin14 in reply to Adamj]

I can see how they could say OCD.... we become obsessed with our fears when they stem from trauma. I was obsessed with my family dying. When I say obsessed I mean it. I can even see the adhd confusion. Because our focus is so far from normal we are all over the place.

Idk.... I'm just guessing but the more I read about your story the more it sticks in my mind. Change is a big one. There is a fear there.

I'm here for you.

[Adamj in reply to Dolphin14]

thank you ptsd does make a lot of sense

[Starrlight in reply to Adamj]

By the way, Adam, EMDR is a treatment used to heal trauma. I don’t know if you e heard of it but it can be very effective

[Starrlight in reply to Starrlight]

EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. This technique uses bilateral sensory input such as side-to-side eye movements to stimulate the brain to process difficult thoughts, memories and emotions.

[Stippler]

Adamj I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I know you must really feel alone. I am sorry. Sending you best wishes. 🙏🙏🙏

[jackiesj]

Hi Adam, nice to meet you. Sometimes anxiety panic comes in storms...a hurricain in the mind that effects the body.It is very physical and we do understnad that. have you discussed with your doc on meds to help sleep etc. i actually have a corner i go to and settle myslef( or scream)..that help. I have MS and heart issues and it effects alot. sometimes i feel so alone but now understand a gazzilion people belong to this club..i am in great company and very very smart people.you are not alone. it will pass but may need assistance.yes, keep going. you were made special.noone is like you! Thant means we need you too...you can do it.jj

[Arymretep]

sorry to hear this Adam, good advice from the others , you’ve been through so much at such a young age, I can only imagine , but you can do this for your Mum

This too will pass😘