Work and Anxiety

[EssentiallyMe365]

Hi, I'm new here and I feel so down right now in my life. I know people are going through more things than I am so I tend to keep alot to myself. I have thoughts of suicide alot which I keep hidden from my loved ones because I don't want them to convince me not to do it. My job is mostly the cause of how I feel and it travels through my whole life. My anger builds up and I take out on those that don't deserve it. I love my job just not the people. At my job, some people with "manager" in their title seem to go overboard and drunk with power. For the last year this job has been going downhill. New people have fallen into ranks and the manager filled this person with the idea that they have some type of authority over the rest of us when the manager is gone. Changes came and I don't know where I seem to fit here anymore. Although one manager is trying to convince me to stay I'm thinking otherwise. I have seen this person talk disrespectful to others and when someone gives this person the same energy, they go tell the manager and as a result that particular person that stood their ground, got let go. I am apprehensive about giving people the same energy they give me because of I am afraid that it might happen to me being that this person is doing anything they can to make themselves look good at the expense of others. I just need someone to talk to. I'm tired of holding this in. It is taking a toll on me.

[Catdowntheroad]

I was in a similar situation. I felt like my work environment was toxic. I was with the company for 18 years and let things build to the point that sounds like where you are. I finally just left and I wish I could tell you that changed everything for the better. I'm not saying that you shouldn't leave. Just please be sure to take care. If you have resources such as insurance that may offer counseling services start there. Do you have supportive friends or family to help you?

[EssentiallyMe365 in reply to Catdowntheroad]

Yes I do. They are very supportive. I just keep ro myself because I'm tired of talking about it. I need to just start addressing the issue or things will stay the same. I have a therapist and he has told me to look for another job. It has caused me to go up in my depression and anxiety meds.

[Vt1988]

If work is making you so upset that it’s influencing the rest of your life in such a negative way it’s time to make a change. Work is unfortunately a necessity but it doesn’t and shouldn’t make you miserable. Don’t allow the attitude of others disturb your inner peace ( I know much easier said than done) but you deserve to be happy in your work place and in life.

[EssentiallyMe365 in reply to Vt1988]

I really appreciate that. That's all I want right now but it's hard having a co worker who is acting as manager and micromanaging me.

[Vt1988 in reply to EssentiallyMe365]

I completely understand. I use to be in a position that I absolutely loved. My job and coworkers were great... aside from my immediate manager, she made my life miserable and I never understood why. It’s almost like she set out to ruin my day... everyday. I worked incredibly hard and was so proud of the work I did but I started getting extremely stressed and sick because I never knew what I was walking into with her. Nothing was ever good enough and it was always someone else’s fault and not her own... Even when it was apparent that it was her actions that resulted in error. I eventually had to leave my position as it was effecting me outside of work and no one should have the power to make your life miserable.

[kenster1]

hi sorry to hear of your struggles maybe you should get the head down and work to your best and look for a fresh start in the same position.my last job only about ten of us in the warehouse but one toxic worker put us all down for weeks its hard going but it puts food on the table and pays the bills.

[NWGal]

I agree with others that it's time to move on. You deserve to be happy at your job.

[Puzzled57]

It sounds like it may be time to move on. I have worked in a toxic environment to the brink of contemplating suicide. No job is worth your health- metal or physical!! Take your gifts and share them elsewhere so you breathe a bit easier! It’s hard to leave something you’ve done an known. I wish you patience, peace, and the right move for you!!!

[rothko]

I was in such a similar situation of a toxic and damaging work environment. I really did not like the person I became as a result of all the anxiety and anger that work infused in me (I also took it out on people that didn’t deserve it- found myself so irritable at a close friend or even a random shopkeeper depending on how bad it was at work). We spend so much time at work it’s hard to separate it from life. It got so bad I had to take time off for mental health and that’s when I realized I needed to leave for my own professional and personal development because I wasn’t strong enough to just compartamentlize everything (and also, there are so many good work environments out there, I owed it to myself to try and make my situation better. I know that that’s not always easy or feasible for everyone depending on the situation).

I think it does help just talking it out like you’ve done. This place is great for that. If you ever want to chat further, happy to be here.