I'm new to the group. Has anyone in the group dealt with high anxiety triggered by guilt and regret over a decision you made? My anxiety is a result from euthanizing my beloved horse 2 months ago; he wasn't old or seriously injured.
In 2016 when he was 11 years old, he was diagnosed as insulin resistant (IR is similar to diabetes in adults) and x-rays showed the front hooves had degraded due to IR. Over the next 2 years, his diet was controlled for his IR condition and he received corrective shoeing on the 2 front hooves. Then in September 2018 he was reluctant to move and his gait became stiff; the vet said he would fail every flex test. He was very uncomfortable and was put on a painkiller. X-rays were taken and showed the 2 front hooves had degraded back to what they were in 2016 and now the 2 hind hooves had also degraded. Therapeutic farriery (corrective shoeing) would cost $2,500 over 6 months with an unknown prognosis and another $1600/year in regular shoeing cost now that all 4 hooves would need shoeing. I am retired on a fixed income. I had the 1st therapeutic farriery done. His movement improved a bit but he was uncomfortable and looked in pain. Based on the money involved and his pain I decided to have him put down. I thought I'd made the right decision. Now I can't stop 2nd guessing my decision and regret not continuing the therapeutic shoeing therapy. The guilt and regret have caused my anxiety to soar (I'm on low dose clonazepam), I'm on an anti-depressant plus Trazadone to sleep. I'm seeing a counsellor and she suggested Cognitive Behavioral Training (CBT). However, the constant rumination, guilt and regret over my decision cause high anxiety and depression and are debilitating. FYI, my pet loss support group has only dealt with euthanasia when the decision is clear-cut due to serious illness or age of dogs/cats. Can anyone in the group gone through a similar experience and can provide advice on how to deal with it?