Parenting

[MissMay]

My 17 year old son suffers from severe anxiety. He has fallen so far behind in school over the years that he will not graduate with his class. I feel so alone and helpless.

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Hello fellow parent to a 17 year old, my daughter is a senior, also. (I have a 20 year old son as well.)

I’m so sorry that your son is dealing with such difficulties and is so far behind.

My daughter struggles with anxiety, too, plus chronic migraines/daily headaches.

(I myself have severe anxiety, depression, and very severe complicated grief, and due to a few other experiences since the loss of my parents I deal with PTSD.)

My daughter’s neurologist referred her to a therapist who works with kids who suffer from headaches. Mind you the headaches and migraines aren’t any better but I’m grateful that my daughter has her therapist because we’ve been living under very difficult circumstances for the past 3 1/2 years since my Mom died.

Is your son seeing a therapist? Are his teachers, guidance counselor, keeping tabs on him? I’m assuming you are in communication with them. Is he given a chance to slowly make up work outside the classroom? Whatever you do, try to make sure that your son doesn’t give up.

[argh52]

Watching someone you love be in pain is so hard. How much worse when it's your child. You wish you could just ... do it for them, but there's really nothing you can do. I feel for you. I'm so sorry.

[Cmarie12]

Hi MissMay,

Has your son had an assessment done through his family doctor? Both of my sons went through something similar a couple of years a part.

My younger son had been bullied to the point of developing a social anxiety. It was torture to watch him struggle. Many nights I just listened to him cry. He was finally diagnosed with social anxiety and ADHD and was put on an antidepressant for a couple of years. We were lucky that he had positive results. He started to embrace his awkwardness and his grades started to improve and he graduated with his class.

My older son was harder to diagnose. He was finally tested with a psychologist and he had severe ADD which is more difficult to diagnose as he didn't have the more common hyperactivity that is seen in boys. With that he also had poor memory retention and a couple of other underlying learning disabilities. He was also put on a medication that helped with his focus. This initially helped but it turned out to make his anxiety worse. Anyway, it finally worked out in the end with trial and error until the he was put on an antidepressant. It took him an extra year in school to graduate so he wasn't with his peers either. Unfortunately he opted out of the ceremony but I was just grateful that he graduated.

They are now 28 and almost 30! They matured a bit slower than others their age but both managed to go to college and graduate! The one thing that I gave them was my time. Lots of love and encouragement and some heartache a long the way.

Has your son been tested for any learning disabilities? This can cause a great deal of anxiety which can lead to depression. I know with college there was a center for disabilities which the boys registered with. Every child learns in a unique way and thank god this is now being recognized.

I'm sending hugs and positivity sprinkled with encouragement for you and your son to get the answers and a plan of action going forward.

Take care! ❤

[MissMay in reply to Cmarie12]

Thank you. You warmed my heart with your story. My son has been tested. His IQ is quite high, no learning disabilities. Anxiety for mainly school which started when he was in 4th grade. There is a history of anxiety on both sides of the family. Accepting that he won’t graduate with his class due to missing so much school promoted his latest bout with his anxiety. He was doing so well. Love and encouragement is what I need to do. Thank you again!

[Cmarie12 in reply to MissMay]

Anxiety and depression runs in my family as well. I only wish that I had had the same type of support that I have given to my sons.

After years of therapy, I have come away with a few good quick fixes when the anxiety comes on. Rubbing a drop of essential oil (I use sandalwood) on the palm of my hand and giving it a good snuff really helps. Learning to tap can also work (check YouTube for instructions). And lastly, bilateral sound or music (again from YouTube) listening with a headset. I know they sound a little kooky but they really work for me.

Good luck and if you decide to give them a whirl, I would love to hear if you've had any success.

Hugs 😘

[TheEmptyNest]

Hi Miss May, My daughter is 21 and a senior in college. She is struggling with depression, and unfortunately it triggered my own depression and anxiety. Watching her go through emotional pain was just too much for me... so I totally understand how you feel. Don't forget, you can't pour from an empty pitcher... be sure to take care of yourself so that you are ABLE to support your son.

[MissMay in reply to TheEmptyNest]

Thank you!

[Barkdog]

I understand you. I also have a 17 yo teenager with anxiety. Did you bring him to an adolescent psychiatrist? It would be of great help if you would. Anxiety is a difficult thing to go thru especially if you’re a teenager. Since it affects his daily life, best to seek professional help.

[backtonormal]

I'm sorry that your son is having such a difficult time. Anxiety is so hard and so misunderstood. Hopefully your son is seeing a therapist that can help give him some coping skills and tools to draw on when needed. I think it's important that your son knows you are there for him, the best way we can be there for our children is to listen. It was hard for me to just listen because I would always want to fix. They don't always want or need us to fix things, they just want to know that we hear them and still love them. That we acknowledge their struggles and are still proud of them. Yes, there are things we can do to help support - supporting is different than fixing - supporting means that we get them to a therapist, have them checked out physically to make sure there are not underlying issues that we don't know about, talk with the school to see if there are things that they see that are different than what's going on at home. Once that support team is in place then the rest is up to our kids. It's tough. I'll be praying for you and your son.