He lied…

[sad_watermelon]

Today I woke up feeling so well. Until a friend told me something. I checked and it was true. He has unfollowed me and removed me from his followers. Or has blocked me and unblocked me, it does the same thing. We only talk trough this social media. A wave of tears came into my eyes immediately. But it ended fast. Instead of sadness, I feel anger. He lied to me, he said he wants to be friends and instead of just saying he doesn’t want to communicate anymore he has to do this??? He lied while looking me in the eyes when he said that our goodbye before I leave is not the end. He lied to me when he said he has nothing negative about me, when he said he’s a friend, when he said he will be there…. I am so angry now. I gave him so much. I changed for him. I was doing everything I could. And in the end… this is what I get…

A part of me wants revanche and another wants him to disappear from my life.

I suffered so much and he didn’t even felt bad. This is unfair!

[hypercat54]

Learn your lessons. Never change yourself for anyone least of all for a man! We live and learn from hard experience so take all this and grow from it.

[sad_watermelon in reply to hypercat54]

That’s what I am doing since the breakup. I will never change myself again. I was such a fool.

[hypercat54 in reply to sad_watermelon]

Don't be so hard on yourself. You are very young and have learnt a very valuable lesson which will stand you in good stead for the future. Well done.

[Alpakka123 in reply to hypercat54]

Ooh, you are very young! I needed this reminder as well, so thanks as always!! It's a reminder for me because my therapist has told me this before. (I'm out and about, but am still seeing this)

[Alpakka123]

Man do I hear this loud and clear. Yes, it is extremely unfair and immensely wounding. If you used all the 4-letter-words in the world to describe how unfair and hurtful it is, it still wouldn't do justice to the pain you feel.My person lied to me big time too, her biggest one being that she used to be a family therapist.

But you know what? I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if this was his pattern (meaning that he had either done this to someone before you and/or after you). In my person's case, it was unfortunately both. I was one in a string of victims. It hurt like Hell to eventually learn this. I describe her abuse towards me as a hit-and-run on repeat. I thought I was the only one, so I took it extremely personally. I still do actually, even after learning that this is a pattern of hers. I do this because I'm deeply hurt. She betrayed me in the worst possible way.

Do you also know what? You are a good person. You are upset and hurt because you are a kind and sensitive soul. It isn't surprising in the least that you don't understand what hit you. It isn't something that can be understood. My person gives herself permission to not be nice to others. This was actually one of the many red flags I did not heed. She told me early on "I can not be nice". Little did I know that I would not be an exemption to this...

People have free will, and unfortunately not everyone knows (or cares) how to use this properly. You do, so hang onto this.

I've both heard and read that all the emotions that we feel are for a reason, and they all have to do with protecting ourselves. You are feeling all that you feel now because your body is working to protect you.

I'll have to share an excerpt about this that I came across in my PTSD book. It's about the benefits of feeling anger. I'm just about to go out for the day though, so I'll get to it later.

[Alpakka123]

Hi again,Hypercat reminded me of something. It's the "you're very young".

One of the techniques my therapist has me doing is thinking about where I'd be in 5 years from now. She prefaced it with a version of "you're young".

[CLB1125]

revenge won’t make you feel better. You will then feel regret. See him for what he really is and work at making yourself happy in the way you want to be. Don’t try to change who you are to make someone else happy. You only end up bitter and miserable. My advice is to do the same thing. Block him from your phone and social media. Then you won’t accidentally see him and you will be less likely to think about him as much. Rejection hurts but you will move on and be happy again. How’s school going?

[sad_watermelon in reply to CLB1125]

School hasn’t started yet. It turns out I was once blocked, but not anymore… or he manually removed me from his social media.

[CLB1125]

Have you moved yet? I know you are feeling bad and hurt. Im sorry you have to feel that way. The pain will pass and you will wonder what you ever saw in him! Lol been there more than once! Even married one. I still think about him once in a while. It’s been over 40 years ago. The point is it’s a part of your life and it will always be back there in the cobwebs of your mind. It’s fresh right now and you will think about it a lot. When you long to talk to him think about how he behaved and be thankful you saw the other side of him. Real friends will never treat you like that.

[sad_watermelon in reply to CLB1125]

I am in the moving process. I will be in my new home in a couple of days

[CLB1125 in reply to sad_watermelon]

Oh I see.

[Alpakka123]

Hi again,

Here are snippets of an excerpt about anger. This comes out of "The PTSD Workbook Third Edition" by Mary Beth Willimans and Soili Poijula.

"Anger: A Signal Emotion. Anger is a signal emotion that is also one of the arousal symptoms. It warns you of a threat to your well-being or actual danger. Yor anger is real. In reality, anger can be helpful to you if or when -your anger is natural and a part of you -your anger is a signal about what is happening to you -your anger helps you know yourself better -your anger tells you to protect yourself -your anger tells you to make necessary change(s) -the reasons for your anger can be shared with those who matter to you."

(At this point, the book has me list the ways in which anger has helped me). After this exercise, there is a section on resolving anger. Here are a few points from that:

-Reexperience and express enough anger to get in touch with your feelings. -Develop an understanding of yourself and what happened in order to figure out why you are really angry. -Generally, anger is the way you express fear or hurt. It is important t o identify what lies beyond your anger. Who do you believe hurt you? Is there an appropriate target for your anger? If so, who or what is that target? -Look at the unhealed hurt behind your anger."

(At this point, the book has me list my anger signs, after which it talks about relaxing as a way of controlling anger. It then has me develop a relaxing scene for myself, giving me prompts in the form of questions as a guide. It also talks about using mindfulness and setting boundaries (both physical and emotional) as a way to decrease the amount of anger you feel).

I'd be happy to give you the full name of this book and where to find it if you'd like.