The guilt of my anxiety is overwhelming

[Auburn2017]

i know that I am not intentionally causing this anxiety and fear, but I have an overwhelming guilt from it. I’m not working and money is tight. My husband is a great support but I’ve gone so deep into fear and anxiety. I’ve done so much research on this and I don’t know if I’m helping or hurting by reading and listening to stuff on anxiety. I’ve started eft tapping. It helps for a few hours. 3 months ago I was leading a normal life. Therapy taught me that this goes way back though. I need to figure out how to start living and stop fearing. It’s so easy to say it, but rewiring my brain isn’t so easy. I’ve cried so many tears because I’m mentally exhausted. I so badly want to get better, but I know it is within me and no one else can do it for me. Is anyone on the other side of this? If so how did you get there

[Starrlight]

❤️

[Zeldamarie]

I am in the same boat as you are. I feel terrible that I’m not working right now and my husband has to be away from his family on deployment and financially support all of us back here in the states. I too want to know how to get on the other side of this.

[Hidden]

Hi Auburn,

I've had anxiety disorder pretty much all my life, but got officially diagnosed with it about 11 years ago. I can remember feeling exactly the way you described -- helpless, which has to be the worst feeling in the world, I think. Guilt was a big thing for me too, I felt guilty over anything and everything, and it really drained me, so I'm sorry you're going through all this.

I can say what's helped the most for me over the years is a combination of many things, but mostly CBT and a lot of self love. (As cliché as that sounds.) A book I really love that could maybe get you in a good direction is "From Panic to Power" by Lucinda Bassett. She's been a big influence for me over the years and her writing has helped me tremendously. What she outlines in it is basically CBT and it's really helpful because I feel like she breaks it down in a way that helps you to sort of go through it like an actual healing process, and that's basically what it is. You completely retrain your brain how to respond to the things you think and feel and that in combination with taking care of yourself physically does wonders.

I'd also recommend giving up caffeine, sugar, and excess salt if you haven't already -- do it gradually if it's something you use a lot, but honestly, you'll get rid of a lot of your stress just from that alone, which in turn will help the skills you get from CBT work better because you'll feel more stable / in control. It's hard to think straight or not feel overwhelmed when you've filled yourself full of stimulants. I never went back to caffeine (and never will) but I stayed away from sugar / salt as much as I could for a few years while I was working on things and it made a huge difference. You won't believe how much until you really detox it.

It's good you know that it's in you to get better, because it absolutely is. Keep that hope, because it's the truth in you speaking. You can recover from this condition. And of course recovery doesn't mean it'll ever go away, you'll just be able to get to a point of where it doesn't dominate you anymore because you'll have the skills you need to handle it if it ever does try to overshadow you again. (It'll just be second nature to you over time, and kick right in like instinct.) I still have anxiety at times, but after so many years of learning / growing / using the stuff I've learned, it really doesn't phase me much. My OCD is what's annoying me now, but that's a different beast and honestly, if I hadn't got my anxiety disorder under control first, I'd be far worse off with that too; I know I'll be able to get this under control because of what I went through with that and it's made me a lot stronger.

I really wish you well and hope you're able to get yourself to where you want to be soon, you absolutely will in time. It's not easy, but it'll be worth it. ❤️

[Auburn2017 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your encouragement. I have given up caffeine, alcohol and sugar. Eating much better than I used to. I will look into that book. I’ve heard a lot on CBT. I know that I must retrain my brain. It’s a struggle everyday. I work so hard at it and usually end up in tears at some point in the day