Why is it that such an anxiety hits out of blue?

[Orangeblossom85]

Guys!

You are such great help to me. When I joined the site I was in a terrible condition. After reading the stories here and reading all the advices, posting so much myself too, I am so so so much better!

I have energy to wake up every morning, I sleep better, I’m more positive and optimistic! I’m so much better.

I only have one problem that ruins me completely... it’s a sadden hit of unexplained anxiety. It’s stress. It’s fear. It’s headache... rush of thoughts... huge bully pain and such an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. Whenever that comes I can’t think straight, can’t be in a place, I’m somewhere else... all the time checking my cellphone, looking for answers on google for questions that I cannot even recall.

I don’t know how to get back from that state to me. And I have no idea how to track it root...

I only know that it’s fear that more problems will fall above me and I know that I’m not capable of really taking anything more...

It’s people that gonna leave me, it’s more offends, it’s failing and failing to me, parents, friends, it’s loosing more money, having more unhappy clients, it’s being sued again and again. It’s not being able to fix something for someone else.. it’s keeping my parents happy, it’s being a doormat again and again and also not feeling too comfortable about it.

How to heal? How to live a peaceful and healthy life?

Please help

[fauxartist]

I know that a lot of anxiety about the future is fear of the unknown, things that are out of our control....as is everything really, except how we choose to view each thing by itself as it comes up...in the moment.... right now. Mindfulness from what I understand is a very helpful tool to help get our frame of mind down to not thinking about tomorrow, or things we have no control over...and how to look realistically at what is going on right now.

I can only relate to those times when I was overwhelmed with too many things all at once. I had the 'three P's'....perfection,procrastination, and paralysis. Now I know that's not the anxiety your talking about...but it's in reference to taking on each fear, and stopping and focusing on just that for the moment....taking on each task one at a time and completing it and moving onto the next. The process I think is what helps....we focus....

What have you done in the past when you have felt like this?

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to fauxartist]

I would go online and just scroll pages, just to scroll. I would try to occupy my mind with anything stupid. I would go to sleep. Or I would be with that feeling. Just be. Like I am for the whole day today...

[fauxartist in reply to Orangeblossom85]

maybe addressing what leads up to the anxiety might be helpful in a way to see that truck coming before your get hit with it....you know what I mean.... I avoided dealing with my stuff from my childhood for years, just got super busy with work, or got very invested in a project that completely occupied my time.....but I always had this 'thing' waiting for me when I wasn't expecting it.....suppressed stuff that sneaks up on you in a quiet moment....never really goes away until you do some work on why your feeling the way you do..... therapy helped me sort out a lot of that....

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to fauxartist]

Reading your words makes me realize that it not the future that I’m worried about. It’s the past that does this to me... it makes me shake and cry now. And I actually feel that this “anxiety” I feel is the lack of capacity for anything more. I see positive future. It’s just that my now is so messed up... and yes, three p is over me! I procrastinate so much. Cause I’m afraid. Cause not doing anything seems better. It’s worse. But it seems better....

[fauxartist in reply to Orangeblossom85]

okay...good time to journal and write about it....but only in bits....don't overwhelm yourself...you need to feel safe. I was badly abused as a kid....it destroyed my trust and my self esteem. So because everything I did ...was never good enough....I just didn't stop trying to be better, more perfect....but what I didn't know was that it would never be good enough to my abuser....so it was a no win situation for me. As an adult...I always tried harder, worked longer, did more....always the over achiever. Until one day I just stopped....I was so afraid of not doing good enough I didn't even want to try because if I failed that was just too much, I couldn't handle it.....so I did nothing.....paralysed with fear of failure....it leaves you frozen.

It took years to learn how to get passed that and be okay enough with myself to realize....none of that was my fault....and no kid should ever have to endure that.

Now maybe I am getting a bit too complacent, but not out of fear, only because I am a bit too comfortable....hence....I've started back on my project,....but now...I'm not obsessed with stuff to be just perfect.....imperfections have their own beauty.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to fauxartist]

Yesterday and today are even harder. I am thinking and digging what’s the reason for it all and I know that is all my failures - committed ones and the ones that come over me. It’s the expectation to fail no matter what, so from that I have this procrastination mode - I really believe that treating any problem, makes it even worse. I don’t have any knowledge how to deal with it all, how to talk with people so they get the truth about me. I don’t know how to speak clearly. I hate when I’m constantly called a liar - when I don’t lie! And constantly called a hypocrite - and I have no idea why?

All the failures fill in my belly. I feel like a wreak after last three days. I don’t know what can I do to repair my life and change myself into normal and healthy person. I don’t want to live like this anymore...

[fauxartist in reply to Orangeblossom85]

stop...... when you live in regrets....over things you cannot change...you can't move forward.... because your always facing backwards looking at the closed door.

Procrastination is a real fear of failure....but some also have a fear of success, and they self sabotage because they don't believe they deserve to be happy.

You have to stop living in the past and start taking charge of right now, one thing at a time, one problem at a time, and stop living in the problem and work on the solutions. When you look at everything all balled up together....you can't see a way out.....

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to fauxartist]

It’s very probable that I’m actually afraid of both the success and the failure. I don’t think I actually deserve anything, especially now. I know that world is full with people but still I believe I worry a lot about being alone and being hated. I’m a very easy going and likable person, I know that many people like me, but I guess I don’t like myself at all. I’m very sad for who I am, how I am, what do I do everyday. I think that wheneveri stay alone, especially away from my cell phone, I feel the calmest. Still it’s only when I’m around people that I feel happy. I think that I’m psychiatrically sick but with some kind of personal disorder anything big that will never allow me to go through day to day on a simple mind. I wish I could cure.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Orangeblossom85]

I recognized one more thing:

I lie whenever there is something about me and I can’t make it to simply say the truth... that makes me devastated but still never I can say why I won’t do something for someone- I always lie with some excuses. Same thing with success - anytime there is something good happening in my life - I can tell to people. And I keep a secret until they ask - then usually I lie too as I’m too afraid of saying that something nice is happening in my life.

I’m not sure if I’m gonna push my life forward. The way I am today is unbearable to me and I can’t really make it go.

[Debrash]

I can relate, always looking for answers on the internet

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Debrash]

Whenever anxiety hits me, I scroll pages like crazy!

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Orangeblossom85]

I just recognize that what I’m searching in that internet is not only the cure for my current state. Is a cure for me, to make me normal person, that I wish to be so much. And also an answer what’s wrong with me. Who am I? Why am I crazy? And I’m I? Maybe I’m just a normal person ?

[dee_bells]

I’ve had anxiety/panic attacks every night for two weeks. I crochet, color, look for funny videos.

[Hidden]

"paralysed with fear of failure" that's how I feel. I have been successful in establishing my own online business, but at the cost of my marriage and seeing my kids. I am thus a failure as a husband and father..I'm crippled by my anxiety and unhappiness I just want to be able to lead a normal life but feel I am wasting it lying on the couch and fear I'm literally just sleeping my life away. Can't seem to muster up the courage to change or the fear of dying alone on this couch