On Again, Here I Am

Haven't been on in a long time, but that doesn't mean things have been perfect. Tonight, I remembered this site and feel like it's a great place to vent.

Living this lonely life isn't easy. There's constant rejection. People look away from me, lack interest in me, and don't feel like approaching me unless they absolutely have to. Class, work, and home, that has became my cycle year after year.

I understand I am boring, quiet, and often times lack knowledge, but the amount of rejection I get from any type of person is driving me mad.

Is this relatable? Has anyone gotten passed this situation?

[Hidden]

Hello AG170. I am sorry to hear of what has been happening to you. It is very lonely to be rejected. I cannot imagine why people have been doing that to you unless they are just not very nice people themselves.

[zperry4]

Yeah I definitely have something like this. It’s tough because no matter what the explanation is, being and feeling alone just leaves you with so much time to come up with theories and ideas about why people might not like you. And yeah we all have a few traits that piss people off, but humans like social interaction and you sound like you have a head on tour shoulders, so no obvious reason why you couldn’t make friends.

I wonder how much of this is just your own interpretation. I think you can definitely be in places where people don’t gravitate towards you or where you’re isolated from social scenes, but I know how easy jt is to create a story around this. Not saying that this isn’t real obviously, just that it might be more due to other people being weird and distant and not you. So try not to personalize it.

When people do reject you, I guess try to pay attention to it. Whenever I really bomb with someone, I try to take stock of what didn’t click. Often times it’s because I’m hella awkward or not interesting. But it’s not always your fault, or even most of the time. Good on you for being self-aware, but from my experience, I think it’s important to focus on changing what you can and not personalising it so much. Hope it helps.

[Hidden in reply to zperry4]

Sorry for replying late, but thank you so much for doing so. I often feel rejected because I think people lose interest in me for either one or multiple reasons. Like you mentioned, some part of it is that I'm awkward, but that is just one reason compared to so many other reasons I think of. And, yes, maybe it is just me wrapped up too much in my own thoughts, but having this happen so much time after time has reinforced my thoughts to seem true.

Your reply was beneficial and gives me something to think about, so thank you.

[zperry4 in reply to Hidden]

Oh awesome, yeah good luck with everything.

[zperry4 in reply to Hidden]

Well since you first posted, do you feel like you’ve gotten a better sense of why you’re having trouble connecting? I think that thinking about it more isn’t always a good thing, but the self-awareness can give you answers.

As far as what’s helped me, which I forgot to include, I’ve found that it’s important to adapt to each person you meet and how they respond to you. Like not in a way that erodes your self-esteem and sense of self, but like i will pay a lot of attention to what approaches do and don’t work, and then adjust to get the most out of it, to bring the best out of both of us. Not falling into lazy habits too, like just botching about stuff. Really trying to get to know people, pay active attention and laugh, just laugh at shit. Being fun to be around I think is less about being clever or charismatic, it’s just enjoying things, having a sense of humor, not letting worry consume you. Everyone is charming on the inside, just gotta let it out somehow.

[Hidden in reply to zperry4]

Again, sorry for this late reply, tends to be that way on here for me, but...

Although I didn't reply to this immediately to let you know, I'll still let you know now that you mentioning how being more fun to be around is better than being clever has been something I've thought about more than a few times.

But many times, when I thought of this, I did more overthinking than I probably should have by thinking about how I just don't have that fun type of personality.

But then again, me thinking this might have helped me become more self-aware, in which case I can try to be more aware of how to make myself more of that fun type of person to be around.

So, thank you again for this reply, whether you believe it or not, it's something that's held with me from time to time ever since I read it.

[zperry4 in reply to Hidden]

Oh solid, yeah for sure. Glad to hear it.

And yeah as a coda to that, I think that we tend to obsess about how to adjust ourselves to be fun, and how to be a certain type of way and have an energy that other people have. But I think that like achieving that is a lot more ephemeral and temporary and situational, like I can make myself more like a certain way and get traits, but then like that type of ‘fun’ personality doesn’t apply to a bunch of other social interactions. So it’s like, I think what’s more long lasting is to try to like develop a sense of self that’s curious and empathetic and just like self aware and present to each moment. Cause like, only being fun or type a or whatever only gets you so far, like people want more than that afterwords, they want to just talk endlessly about stuff and be heard and learn and have a partner in crime. So being a fun and crazy guy is like having a lot of processed, quick acting sugary stuff in your diet that gives you immediate energy, vs having carbs and shit that give you long lasting energy. Or like the turtle and hare thing probably applies too, if it’s not too many metaphors.

[enigmaticide]

As a fellow introvert, totes feel you, pardon the intellectual speak. In my experience, it's never the challenge of finding someone "normal" to talk to, Hells no. Rather, it's finding the "correct" crazy that meshes and compliments my own crazy. At the risk of going dark-sided, the ideal would be to find someone to giggle with and enjoy a bowl of popcorn as the pair watches the world burn. That's my take on it.