What Was The Message For Me Tonight

My partner and I went to the local pub for dinner tonight. The place was pretty packed with women, which is pretty uncommon for the place but we were able to find two seats at the bar. My guy likes sitting at the bar because we get faster service (totally ok by me). I'm not really a social butterfly although I do go out of my comfort zone deliberately sometimes. Anyway, there is a space the size of a chair between me and the next person who happens to be a lady. I notice she has a lot of small talks, mentioning the types of drinks that are popular to the bartender, and talking to a woman who came up quickly to purchase drinks for herself and a friend. For some reason, my spidey sense kicks in and I purposefully turn away from that side and more toward my guy. Ok so she's on my left and I'm turning to my right, speaking directly in my guys face. Thinking to myself "please don't talk to me...please" Inside I hear my mother's voice saying "don't make eye contact...do NOT make eye contact" Back story, I've been sweet for special needs people my whole life. I must have some aura or something that attracts them to the point that they will literally cross the street and come right to me. It used to scare the crap out of me and mom always said just don't look their way. Ok, so I'm avoiding even the slightest opportunity with this gal. BUT, you guessed it. She strikes up a conversation at the back of my head and then for the next, oh I don't know hour, she tells me all about her life, how she's been divorced and arrested for DUI and how the rest of the crowd there was for the same event as she was and that she was invisible to them because they all knew she had a breakdown, and that she was lonely and all she wanted was a friend. She spoke really fast with lots of hand gestures and high fives. She had me laughing, and feeling awkward, feeling sad for her and wanting to go home all at the same time. She gave me her card and told me to call her if I wanted. I think we both knew I never would. I can't imagine how hard it must be for her because I know how hard it's been for me sometimes. I guess she'd been hospitalized, and I'd say rightfully so from the vibes she exuded. I heard someone mention that she had a temper after she left the pub. I could see that. She was wound up pretty tight even in the time we spoke. I felt bad for the desperation that poured out of her. She was alone surrounded by people who she knew who looked at her like she was a pariah. She said she didn't care that they weren't pretty or nice. I told her she was beautiful and she shouldn't worry about the carbs she was eating, but she bulldozed right by most of what I said to continue to spill her laundry out on the bartop in front of me. She reached for me to have someone to talk to about anything and everything and maybe to gain a friend and drown out the sound of all those people. But, all I could think about was getting out of there because I was sopping up that inner frantic that I can reach all on my own without anyone's help. It might sound bad, but don't please don't judge me too harshly. I know how she was feeling, I've been there before too but all I thought was "I can not be this girl's friend even though I'm lonely too and have asked for the universe to send me one." I don't have what it takes to help her and I'd end up...well who even knows, but not in a good place. Then when I got home I thought to myself, "what was the message for me in what happened tonight?" I think it was "be grateful, it could be worse; way worse." I pray that she's able to find her way. With Love Always...AU

[Agora1]

I agree with you in what the message was for you tonight. You might not have

thought about anything but wanting to get out of there at the time. But..life

experiences like this make us think about our own lives and even if you never

see her again, you will always remember this night. She was one of those people

that came into your life for a moment but for a reason.

Thank you for sharing your story. I found it very interesting. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Hi Agora,

Thanks you for your support. I think you're right. I will probably always remember this night, and how fortunate I am in so many ways. I still find myself lonely, but not so much since I came here. Its been a blessing to me to be able to share in this community even in the very short time I've been here. I hope you are doing well Agora and thanks again. With Live Always...AU