I feel so alone

[melhil]

I have no friends, I never want to go anywhere or do anything, I’m in a constant struggle with my partner, I just feel sad. I’m irritable and difficult to get along with. I see everyone living their lives, getting married, having kids and I feel stuck like I don’t even know what I want in life. I dread going to work, I dread having to do anything but still feel like I’m missing out. I’m not sure why I’m putting this out there, I guess putting it in writing might help.

[thatjuanguy]

Do you know what’s making you feel this way?

[melhil in reply to thatjuanguy]

I’m not sure, I feel like I always feel this way but fake my way though each day if that makes sense.

[thatjuanguy in reply to melhil]

Most times I’m doing the same but you gotta remember to push yourself to have good times also.

[IheartDogs]

I'm so sorry you're feeling sad. Try not to compare your life to other's, just focus on you. It sounds like you want change and want to do more but maybe not sure where to start. Do you work with a therapist right now? If not maybe you can talk to someone in your religious affiliation? One of the first important steps to change is to get support. We are here for you!

[melhil in reply to IheartDogs]

I feel like it would be difficult to not compare lives with other’s. You’re right though , it’s a big part of making me feel down.

[Want2BHappy3]

Sorry to hear that, it sounds like ME? I don't live with my boyfriend, he's not supportive. We argue ALOT, he makes light of my feelings, I stay inside like 85% of the time. I think of ways to get out of doing things. My kids who live with me, isolate me is their way of dealing with my anxiety. I was doing good with the help of medication and Counseling. Have you tried that? I didn't see that in your letter?

[melhil in reply to Want2BHappy3]

I’m trying to build up the courage to see a therapist. I saw one a few years ago and then stopped because I felt it wasn’t helping and now I’m nervous to go back to the same one.

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to melhil]

Try a new one like I did change them till you find the right fit? I'm looking to change mine again she's always out of town and let's me run out of meds till she can see me , but doesn't have appointments for over a month at a time. Are you taking any medication?

[maggief9812]

I feel alone too. I work night shift and am usually by myself for most of my shift. My husband works opposite hours from me. Lately I feel so disconnected from him, all my friends, and family because I’ve been working nights so long. I have to keep a job that allows me to keep days open for school because I can’t not work and the goal of school is to be in a better place in 2 years when I’m done. In the meantime I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I tried to tell my husband how left out of his life I’ve felt lately and he told me I need to make more friends once school starts and that cut me to the bone because I want HIM to want to include me. Right now I feel like he doesn’t even like to be around me and my feelings are just an inconvenience to him. He’s been super irritable and I’m trying to practice loving patience with him but it’s killing me inside.

[maggief9812]

I fight with my husband a lot too- we both have our own mental health struggles and I’ve found it’s really hard to break out of a cycle of fights, over-sensitivity after fights, leading to overreacting, leading to new fights... and so on. I feel sad and sensitive and testy that he doesn’t understand why he bothered me in our last fight and it’s just a self feeding cycle... my only bit of advice is, maybe try to make each other laugh? Even if you’re still feeling raw? I have been feeling so hurt and raw and sensitive towards him for over a week now and yesterday he caught me by surprise with something silly- not THAT funny- but I needed it so bad, it made me belly laugh. It made me laugh more than it should have, and after, I felt a lot less hatey towards him. I still feel REALLY sensitive right now, but the laughing made interaction with him better, at least.

[melhil in reply to maggief9812]

Laughing definitely helps, even if it’s just watching a silly show. I’m currently not seeing a therapist and I know I should it’s just a matter of getting enough courage and motivation to do so.

[maggief9812 in reply to melhil]

It’s good that you know what you want. I listen to a podcast called The Mental Illness Happy Hour, (makes me feel a lot better about my own struggles sometimes) and one of the things the host is always saying is that if you didn’t have a good fit with one therapist that it’s ALWAYS ok and a good idea to seek out a new therapist that “gets” you better. I wonder if any of your hesitation to go back into therapy is based in that? Or is it more a matter of building up the will to act when life has you feeling beat down?

[melhil in reply to maggief9812]

Thank you for that advice. I feel embarrassed or like I’ll be judged for quitting in the first place. I know therapists shouldn’t be judgemental but they’re still human so I’m sure they are. Maybe a new one would be a good fresh start.

[maggief9812 in reply to melhil]

Have you ever listened to The Mental Illness Happy Hour, by the way? It’s a long-form podcast (over an hour, often longer) that involves interviews with either mental health experts, famous people with mental illness struggles, or people with exceptional stories. Sometimes it’s HARD to hear, especially the “surveys” segment at the end, but it almost always gives me a reason to be hopeful by the time I’m through listening to an episode. It’s what made me decide to join this online support community after going decades dealing with it all in silence. I’m hoping soon to be ready to reach out to a professional.