FED UP!!!

[dbeck128]

ANYONE who follows me knows my ugly struggle with health anxiety.

I've been fighting the hell out of it for the last week or so but OF COURSE I GET PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS. Weird strange sensations in my neck, collar bone, and head.

Tonight I had an awful migraine to the point I threw up.

I'm so dead set on terminal illness. I'm even convinced if I think about it enough I'll have it.

I'm trying so hard to overcome this battle but it kicks me so hard in the dirt daily

[Hidden]

I sympathise. When a migraine is not dealt with quickly, it can often cause vomiting. That happens to me when I do not take a migraine pill quickly. Migraines are often stress related and you sound like you have been anxious. It is horrible to always think that you have a terminal illness. I am very sorry you are going through this.

[dbeck128 in reply to Hidden]

It's okay. It's mainly because I have a lymphnode on my neck that i believe is cancerous. I want this all to stop but its hard when you cant trust yourself to know you'll be okay. Thankyou for checking on me

[Dolphin14]

I had horrible migraines for over ten years. Are you on any meds? Or is this the first one you have had?

[dbeck128 in reply to Dolphin14]

This is the first one I've had without any visual disturbances which is really throwing me off. It kind of came out of no where, and is staying in the back of my head and Temples.

Just my lamictal. I've been on this for 5 months and no problems. Ever

[lillyofthevalley37]

Why don't you follow through and face the word case scenario? Think about what you would do if you were diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and only had a few months to live - are you afraid of dying ? Is that the real problem ? And if you are afraid of dying why are you afraid ? Is it bc you believe that there is no afterlife and no God ?

See how it can turn out that you have an underlying spiritual problem?

This is how I see it

[dbeck128 in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

I have kids. The thought of leaving them without a mother makes me sick to my stomach. They're the reason I wake up with a smile on my face. I would sacrifice anything for them. I just cannot accept the thought. I've tried to in so many ways. I have been fighting off the symptoms or what seems like symptoms so well lately. But I always relapse.

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to dbeck128]

sorry you keep suffering like you are I hope you can resolve it somehow

[dbeck128 in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

Thank you for being a friend through this time with me. I will get better eventually.

[Brightfuture22]

I can relate so much to this Dbeck! I am plagued by constant revolving thoughts of death. Most of mine are immediate death versus terminal illness. Like a heart attack versus cancer. I am internally struggling so much I feel like I’ve gone insane.

Everyday, almost right from when I wake up, I think something along the lines of “what am I feeling? Is today the day I die? Will I be able to sense what’s wrong before it’s too late?” I have an OVERWHELMING sense of impeding doom, always. I literally go out to run errands or walk around a store/parking lot and think thinks like: “if I have a heart attach here, will anyone be able to revive me? What if my heart just stops, right now, right here?”

I’m so angry that I cannot stop these thoughts. That I catastrophize EVERYTHING. Like prior to April (when I was triggered into this panic episode that I am still in) I would have minor anxious thoughts that would be fleeting and never stick. I wouldn’t be consumed by fear of a symptom or fear of death. I wouldn’t be thrown into a fear cycle that I couldn’t escape.

I am so sorry you have health anxiety. I am sorry you, too, have to deal with the overwhelming aspects of being an anxiety sufferer. I hope and pray that you find peace of mind soon!

💜Ash

[Bela64]

I can relate to this so much..me too battling depression and anxiety all caused by my fear of terminal illness,and death .. I take medication for my health anxiety ..amitriptyline 25 mg . It helps a little bit with the anxiety but messes up other things.,,You can’t win whatever you do !, back to the to doctor next week hopefully he will come with some answers for my new health issues 🙏🏼Do you take anything or have any type of help? Wish you better soon and be able to find peace in your mind.. god bless .. ... Bela

[Hidden]

You know what they say “be careful for what you wish for” I know it’s hard for you. I have a chronic eventual terminal illness and I can’t cope with it. So rejoice you are well.