Fed Up (possible trigger warning?) - Anxiety and Depre...

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Fed Up (possible trigger warning?)

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I'm tired of living. I don't want to die, so there's that, but I wish I had never been born. I wish I never had to exist. If I could have just not been born, I wouldn't have to worry about anything, I wouldn't be anything at all. Life is just so hard. How are you supposed to live when everything is so hard? I'm tired, and I'm scared. I'm no threat to myself, so no worries about that. I'm just seriously losing hope in anything good. What is the point to existing when everything is so bad? Is there a point? I don't know why I'm in such a bad place right now, but I am, and it's not good.

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Do you have ups and downs ? Or just downs ?

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I do have ups, but recently its just been a whole lot of downs, and the ups are few and far between.

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Something that I find helpful is remembering that the way I feel presently is only temporary, I also have more downs than ups lately, but I still have faith that it's only temporary, I hope your ok and I hope you start to feel better soon

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Yeah, I'm trying. You too. Good luck finding those ups.

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Is there anything that you enjoy anymore ?

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I guess I still like reading, watching movies/shows, and being around a few of my close friends. I'm limited in what I can do physically (arthritis) and I'm tired all the time. Most of the things I like to do distract me. I guess I need to find more distracting activities?

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So theres the reasons you were born, you have friends who enjoy your company, you like to read and watch movies, so if you weren't born, you wouldn't know what enjoyment was, it seems like it's small things but it's the small things that matter. I do hear you when you say you can't do much physical activity, which must be very frustrating, I hope you're get an up soon and be proud of yourself that you still have the ability to enjoy the simple things, despite your arthritis and low moods, it shows you have resilience

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That's a good way to think about it. I'll try to use that. Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. Internet hugs

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Your welcome, sometimes it helps to recognise your own achievements x

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Haha I never thought of watching tv as an achievement. I guess when you can get yourself to do anything it's worth celebrating :)

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It's the enjoying part that's the achievement lol

Hey Sad_Slytherin,

I know this is gonna sound corny, but have you seen that old movie that's always shown at Christmas, It's A Wonderful Life? If so, you know the story: George Bailey falls on hard times, wishes he was never born, and his guardian angel, Clarence, grants his wish, then proceeds to show George what the world would be like without him in it. At one point, Clarence says: "Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"

Not too long ago, I was depressed and distressed, and looking for a song that could speak to what I was going through because I felt voiceless, mute. I put out the call for a song in a post and out of everyone who offered great suggestions, you were the one who found the song that best lined up with how I felt -- you even typed out the lyrics when my epilepsy prevented me from reading them on the video! -- and that song carried me through a bad spell, helped steel me for what's soon to become of my marriage.

If even just for that day, you made a difference in my life and I am certain in lots of other lives before and since, some of which you may not even be aware. I realize this knowledge doesn't make what you're going through any less difficult, but to answer that rhetorical question, "Is there a point?" I would say, "Yes. Your very existence is the point."

I guess this is just my illustrative -- and long-winded -- way of saying what another HealthUnlocked member used to comment as a clarion call of affirmation to others here in pain: You matter.

And remember, when you're tired, you have lots of folks here who care for support. Like that U2 song goes, "We get to carry each other, carry each other."

Take care and be well, friend.

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Hidden in reply to mrmonk

Omg, I'm crying. I have seen It's A Wonderful Life.... maybe I should watch it again haha. I had no idea I made any sort of difference. I'm so glad I was able to help you! It actually does make it less difficult. No one has actually ever told me I made a difference in their life. Man, if you were right here, I'd hug you. This was just what I needed. Affirmation that I do make a difference and matter. This means the world to me.

Thank you so so so so much. I had no idea I needed to hear that so much. Gah, thank you.

You as well, and best of luck with dealing with the end of your marriage and after. Internet hugs!

Thank you!

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hidden

Aw, you're welcome, and thank you for coming through for me that day and for being a part of this grand community!

"So shines a good deed in a weary world." -- Willy Wonka (via Willy Shakespeare)

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I love all the quotes you've given me! They are all so perfect.

Sendings you HUGS ! Wishing you a better day tomorrow ! 🌸🌼🌺

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Hidden in reply to foxglove_pnw

Aww hugs back! Thank you! So far, my day has been much better :)

foxglove_pnw
foxglove_pnw in reply to Hidden

I am so glad ! The up and downs are crazy ! Sometimes I can’t feel joy knowing that it can change so quickly ! I am trying to learn to stay present and enjoy right here right now !

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