Sorry I wasn't more specific...

[Emotionallyunsettled]

I always thought I was an empath. As I've been doing some research as to my extreme emotions I have discovered that I'm just extremely co-dependent. It is very disappointing but also makes so much sense as to why I have had nothing but unhealthy and one sided relationships my whole 42 years of life. I don't know who I am or who I should be. I have spent my entire life being who everyone around me has needed me to be. I have always been told that I am mentally ill every time I was neglected or hurting. Always told that I was over dramatic and made small things gigantic ones. I have tried therapy so many times in the past. But due to my area having very sparse mental health resources, its always been through the county. In my county the counselors switched every 8 to 10 months. I became so tired of telling my whole story and having to start all over again with counselor switch. I am exhausted and so tired of hearing myself say the same things over and over. I have begged for help for years and years. I have been on almost every single anti depressant and mood stabilizer out there. I am so angry and guilty and lonely. The next day or few days my anger has dissipated and I welcome everyone back in with open arms. For the same hurt and betrayal and anger and guilt to resurface shortly thereafter. Its a vicious emotional rollercoaster that I just can not endure any longer. For the last 7 years I have been a devoted single mother who has never set boundaries and has only been happy when they were happy and treated like shit when they weren't. They are now 21, 20 and 16. They still treat me like a doormat and think that they are entitled and I owe them everything. That's my fault. I have always apologized and blamed myself for everything and anything. And during those last 7 years I have had one disastrous narcissistic abusive relationship after another just to be loved. Again my fault because I always thought that if I loved the broken ones then they would have to love me. Yeah I know. I was dead wrong. Of course this all stems from my own awful parents but anyways... I have never had a friendship that has lasted more than a few years because after I put all my entire life force into it they left when I no longer suited their needs. Looking back now I can see and feel how I have paid, whether it be money, time, energy for people to be my friends and family. I don't even have the time or energy to go into my blood family relationships... Some days I feel like I have accepted this all and then this anger creeps up out of nowhere and I'm full of hatred. But only until it depletes my energy and then I go right back to thinking I have accepted it all and let go. I am so tired of this cycle. I often wish that I could get sick and be hospitalized just so I could get some rest knowing that no one can be angry for not being there when they need me, which is all the time, because its not my fault I got sick and had to be hospitalized. I have been doing research and I always find what I need to do and my signifigant other is always telling me what I need to do but my emotions just won't allow me to. And I can not find any info on how to do what I need to do, how to do what it says I have to do to get better. That is where I am stuck and I would appreciate and welcome any and all ideas.... Please.

[Moon_B]

Hello, I can feel your pain through this message and I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. I had similar life experiences and controlling relationship that was slowly killing me emotionally I felt lost and dépendant on it at the same time. After many years I decided to cut my unhealthy relationship with this person but also with family members. It was the first step to my recovery and finding who I am. I was scared and I constantly doubted, I was lonely and I felt empty because I didn’t know how to take décision for myself. I felt like my personality was gone. But slowly I chose to meet new people and maintain only the relationships that respect me for who I am. It is hard and painful and some family members that I cut contact with were insistent but now I am so glad I made this decision. I had to rebuild my sense of independence and chose what I want to do without asking for validation. It is a hard process but it is rewarding on my mental health.

when people treat you like shit you learn that it is normal for you to tolerate it because maybe it is « your fault ». Or simply you are trying to please everyone and maintain the peace around you. But when nobody stand up for you, then you have to stand up for yourself and impose your limit. You are as good as anyone else and nobody should take decision for you or tell you what to do. It is comforting sometimes but in the long term it makes you vulnerable. Believe that you have the ability to decide for yourself because you do.

[Emotionallyunsettled in reply to Moon_B]

Thank you!! In the last 6 months I have cut out everybody out of my life except my 3 children, my significant other, my uncle and my cousin who I don't speak to very often. My guy is currently away. He will be home in the beginning of November. I am really trying to get better before then because, although he loves me and supports me, he is highly intelligent so he doesn't really feel or understand emotions. It makes him a little angry to see any weakness in me. Which, I am sure, you can understand I have to put on an Oscar winning performance with him. And he doesn't understand that he can tell me all day long what to do to overcome these emotions and yes he is right but, the emotion is so strong within me and I can not get past that to do anything else. I can not get him to understand and I can not keep pretending. My kids act like I'm a burden except for when they want or need me. Outside of those I mentioned above, everyone who has ever claimed to love me never did.

[Moon_B in reply to Emotionallyunsettled]

It could be a good time for you to give yourself some care love while he isn’t there and build slowly some confidence. Even if you don’t feel quite good by November, you don’t have to best yourself up, it takes time it is a slow process. I have no doubt he is a smart man but even the smartest people have things to learn. Telling you to get over it isn’t helpful. He might not understand and maybe he feels helpless but that doesn’t mean that your emotions are wrong. I agree to a certain degree we should learn to cope with our thoughts and emotions (since both are strongly linked) but it is a skill that demands practice it won’t change in one day. Keep building emotional skills and mostly be gentle toward yourself. Give yourself the understanding you deserve.

Take your time to find strategies to deal with strong emotions. For example you can write it all down as you feel them without trying to judge them. Then you could read it to yourself and play the role of your partner. ask yourself what would he do in your situation or what would some else do to cope with this? You most likely have the answer to your questions. And gradually you might even find the root of those emotions. The moment you’ll get more independence and self-autonomy towards your emotions, you’ll feel free. It is the hardest and not everybody understands. But take it one day at a time. Don’t need to fake your emotions to please others and you can build skills to cope with them more efficiently, it is something that we are not taught for some reasons but it is possible to develop such a skill.

Good luck! You are not alone.

[hypercat54]

Hi I wonder if you are suffering from Childhood Emotional Neglect? This is when parents fail to validate you and you learn to hide your true self coz it isn't acceptable. You also never feel accepted and don't learn about your emotions and how to regulate them so they are your powerful guide to your needs.

Have a look at this link x

drjonicewebb.com/cenquestio...

[Sabio77]

hi emotionally unsettled. you are not. I'm sorry that you are experience this difficultly. I have been thru some ruff relationships myself. I found that until I looked at the root cause of my personal emotions for wanting those narcissistic/hurting mates just to have a person care for me, I was going to keep repeating the same cycle over and over again in a relationship. it followed me from one to the next to the next. I had to seek out positive places, positive people and start trying to find out who I was again by trying new things. like gardening, reading, playing an instrument, writing, singing, dancing, art, speaking. I just had to get myself out there and explore things to find out who I was. it took a while, its a process. but a well worth process. have patience, forgiveness of yourself, and extend it to others, peace of mind will follow you.