I'm Not okay, okay?

I fear the future. I fear my thoughts. I feel repugnant because everyone can see anxiety in everything part of me. I feel like I have no one. I'm only 17 but I feel so messed up. I am not okay. And to be honest I dont know how posting this will help. I just wish it would end I wish I wouldn't have to be like this. No one can help and I don't think I want to fight or try to improve or survive this. I often idealize suicide but I feel bad for doing v it because I know how dark that subject is. When I say I don't know about the future I mean I don't know if I can keep living if this gets any worse, i don't know if mean this we will have to see.

[Hidden]

It’s ok. No one knows what the future holds. Things can change so fast. I was homebound due to agoraphobia for ten years. But here I am out of the house. I worked and even drive. My point being things change. They can take time.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Very well said and so true. You're a perfect example of change in action.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I forgot to mention that I was seventeen when I had to leave highschool due to panic disorder. Then when I was nineteen I was completely homebound. Didn’t leave the house till I was thirty. I know how dark things can get.

[Hidden]

You are not alone. I feel your way every day and have since I was 7 years old. The raging river of despair and pain seems unyielding, however it only seems that way for now. Rather than wait for a window where you feel better you can induce it yourself. If you aren't all ready doing seeing a mental health professional please do. That aside there are mental health exercises you can do to calm the feels bashing your mind. Many are listed on this site, you must choose to take a step forward to recover your inner peace. I can list several exercises if you'd like to explore some. Oh you can also research this by an internet search of DBT Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Of course it's always better if you have someone to help you practice or guide you when you start. Feel free to message me any time if you would like to talk privately and I will listen.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Kay

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

How are you feeling right now?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Like shiz, I'm not a person maybe

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You are a person. No doubt about that, though your feels are telling you otherwise. May I private chat you?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Fear is one of the strongest emotions and can be a huge influence in your choices. It's important that you speak to someone preferably a friend/family/ mentor/ pastor/ health professional/ even someone on here. We all want to make sure you are safe and secure while you search for answers.

[Hidden]

😠

[jocie609]

I dont know what the future holds as well yet what I do know is that I hope you want to find out what it does hold. You are going through a lot and adolescence is not an easy time in life. I know it wasnt for me. I wish I had this place as a safe space when I was your age because I could have greatly benefitted from just sharing how I felt at the time. I hope you keep talking to us and sharing with us....

[hypercat54]

Why have you left?