Im reading A Suicidal Mind

[Starrlight]

What’s on my mind is death. So I’m reading a book called The Suicidal Mind to help me possibly get the subject out of my system. Seems insightful. The author is trying to write to be helpful and relieve pain. The book is by Edwin S Shneidman

[Hidden]

Interesting...may need to get that book..

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

I’ll let you know if it’s really interesting or not.

[JEG325]

It's good to try and learn about what's bothering you, S. Just be sure that it doesn't become more of a trigger than a help. Okay? Personally, I try not to dwell on the things upsetting me. I hate books, videos and even songs about depressing, harmful things. But, I hope your book helps you. Have as blessed of a day as possible, my awesome friend!

[Starrlight in reply to JEG325]

Yeah I want to be careful and stop reading if it’s too much. There’s also a book about heaven how this guy died and about his experiences in so called heaven ha who knows maybe it’s for real. I’m so interested in what happens to us after we are finished in this world.

How r u?

[JEG325 in reply to Starrlight]

I'm doing fine. Playing a word game with my sweetie and enjoying life. I plan on sticking around a long time just so her and I can be together!

[hypercat54]

You know what I do which helps with my suicidal thoughts Starr? I trawl through the suicide sites researching painless methods. By the time I realise that I don't have access to any painless ones, and read a few awful stories I go right off the idea.

I then think about how far I have come and I end up d***** if I am going to give in as it feels like negation of my lifelong struggle. I will live forever just to spite people ha ha.

It sounds strange but it might help you as well. x

[Starrlight in reply to hypercat54]

It’s scary when our minds see it as a possibility, like it’s an option. Sometimes pretending I can die tomorrow helps me live the day. Yeah hell, theres that deterrent I also think of my brother which makes me feel sick but then suicide is so interesting in some strange way like how could someone really actually do it and why and what is the experience like afterwards.

[Ddorne]

Starrlight, that could be very helpful. Knowing that thoughts are not the defining things. I’ve read things in the past. Some of it was comforting and helpful. Praying for you.

LD

[Starrlight in reply to Ddorne]

Yeah I want to try to figure out what has made me get the urge to want to end it. I want to understand it so maybe my brother’s death will be a tiny bit more bearable. Thanks Ddorne

[newbie56]

Hi again Starr,

My middle son attempted suicide many years ago & failed. My beautiful 32 yr old nephew carried it out. He left a young toddler. Such a loss to all the family. It caused so much grief.

I've read about people who "wished" to end the misery they felt, even in the pre-christian era. (Job readily comes to mind) Even King David was on the run from his mortal enemy Saul and had to hide. The account of David's serious sins, regrets, and repentance saved him. He found a refuge in a relationship with a merciful GOD.

I know my son and my nephew failed to think about the pain we would feel.

My son has never recovered from his attempt. When it's appropriate, I will update the consequences.

My heartfelt advice to you is to learn from the mistakes of others. And, at the same time find the purpose of life and the wonderful prospects ahead. I'm certain that if you had the answers, you'd be sharing them with others. And, certainly wouldn't consider suicide. Consider a personal study of the bible.

I believe you've tried "everything else". Even with your debilitating condition and constant mood swings, you can be successful. It will take time and effort but it's so worth it.

Agape

[Starrlight in reply to newbie56]

I’m sorry about your nephew and son. I know, I will never get over my brother killing himself and that is one reason I am drawn to the subject. It’s so sad and scary.

[newbie56 in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you Starr,

Here's a video from a guy who has personal experience with bipolar.

It's VERY good. I think you'll enjoy it. Anyone can benefit

youtube.com/watch?v=yDFiEPy...(Not working as expected?)

[porcupyne]

Please get some professional help!

I’m glad you’re reading a book, but

This is way too serious!

[Starrlight in reply to porcupyne]

Yeah a friend spoke to me and I’ve decided it’s not the right idea to read the book. Sorry if I upset anyone. This idea was for a try to understand and get past my hurt from my brother’s suicide and to get it off my mind afterwards but I’m realizing it’s s dark place that I don’t need to go to right now.

[Believeinyourself123 in reply to Starrlight]

Honestly I read books about child abuse, rape, infidelity and other topics. It actually helps me feel like I'm not alone. It never triggered me but I just like to read and anything that can help my brain i feel like its a win. Some stories were much worse than what i endured and it was a good reminder that there is always someone what had it harder.

As for you reading the book. Do what you feel is best. Triggers are never a good thing. Maybe just read a little and then step back and see how you feel. If you feel okay read more. Kinda like baby steps. I hope this helps you friend.

[Starrlight in reply to Believeinyourself123]

You are so helpful to me Believinyourself It’s hard to tell like when I started reading I felt a lot of mixed emotions. Thanks for sharing with me. I feel a lot better now. Blessings and peace and happiness to you

[Believeinyourself123 in reply to Starrlight]

You're welcome Starrlight💖. I actually asked my tgerapist if that was a good idea years ago. She said it was ok as long as it doesn't trigger me. Now films on the other hand i can't watch horror movies they do trigger fear in me. One being ine emotion that is the hardest for me.

As for you just be careful. Only you know best. If you feel ok then continue but if you start to feel overwhelmed i would stop. I hope you have many blessings coming you way friend. Xo

[Starrlight in reply to Believeinyourself123]

Yeah that makes sense. Thanks I do hope too that you and I have blessings coming our way.

[Nom-D-Ploom]

Research is good. Being logical about things that are so emotional that our reason may not be the best.

As a nurse, I often said that death is the enemy we fight. Now, I did work hospice, and clearly, there is a need for a comfortable passage, but overall, we were created to live. Every single cell in our body acts to secure a continued life. Pain is a message from our own bodies telling us to pay attention.

But it is scary to think that there is no point in life or no other escape from pain.

But there is. We may have to fight for it, but there is hope. We CAN fight through this. We were created to thrive. That was stolen from us by our abusers or our circumstances, but many many people have already fought back. I used to pray, every night for death. I am so glad that that prayer was not answered.

We will die. No 2 ways about it. We will die when it's time for us to die. In the meantime, we must be patient, and learn the lessons we can learn while we are here.

[Starrlight in reply to Nom-D-Ploom]

Patience and learning, yes. You never know what’s going to happen so it’s an adventure, but sometimes a nightmarish one. I like that, how every cell in our bodies acts to secure life. That’s beautiful

[lorianxiety in reply to Nom-D-Ploom]

Thank you-nom-d-Ploom,I enjoy learning from your experience and will soldier on as my dear mother who was always anxious ,but she brought 8 of us up and worked too,she would never dream of lying down or given into to nerves or anything physical--she was a warrior,IM a bit like that but since im on my own not even my wee cat now ,so I just have to live from one day to the next as lots of us do and try to avoid stress -which has been a part of me for the past year-almost 2-

[Nom-D-Ploom in reply to lorianxiety]

And we are all pulling for you.

[Nom-D-Ploom]

{hugs}