Hello Everyone! I hope all is well. There has been something that has been bothering me for the past 2 years, and that is my friends. Here's my story:
Sometime during 2015-2016, I was studying social work in college and I have made friends who were also social work majors. They all graduated from college in 2016 and from there, I haven't heard from them since. I know that during 2016-2017 they were all in grad school continuing their studies in social work and earning their masters degrees while I was still trying to earn my bachelors. Last year, I started seeing some posts on their facebook pages of them decorating their offices and already starting as social workers and they never really spoke to me since college days. Looking back, I miss them. I miss talking to them and miss hanging out with them only for them to not speak to me anymore. I wondered what it was I have done or said to them and I realized that I haven't said or done anything to them that they wouldn't speak to me anymore, which leads me to believe that they were not my friends to begin with. So, I wonder if I have fake friends?
Written by
TheWhiteRose
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Hi I wouldn't say they were necessarily fake friends but rather ones that you have drifted apart from because of shared experiences. This happens a lot in life when you move on. If you are lucky you will retain one of two of them but it is often the case that they leave your life for good.
Don't forget everyone has different levels of friends, there are situational ones (co-workers etc), casual ones you see at certain places only, better ones you hang out with. Then there are the best ones - your true friends whom are your go to ones. This is always in a state of flux and sometimes you can drop friends or downgrade them. Other times you get closer to some of them. The main thing is to pick your friends and not let others pick you. x
Come to think of it, I did reach out to one of them. She asked me how I was doing. I replied that I was doing okay and asked her how was she doing? she did not respond.
Well because one responded like that does that mean all the others will? Maybe she never got your communication? Or maybe she is very busy and forgot to reply? x
All you can do is email them, and ask them how they're doing. If you get no response, I suggest you forget about them and move on. They may not be bad people. They're just in a different stage of life now, and maybe they feel that they don't have so much in common with you anymore.
I did reach out to one girl a few weeks ago. She replied back and asked me how I was doing and I replied back to her but I didn’t get a response after that.
As you go through life, you'll see that friends will often drift apart, as their lives take different directions. You have to make some effort to keep those friendships alive. But if it's not a mutual effort, then I think it's time to throw in the towel and meet new people that are better suited to your current situation.
Hi...I wouldnt say that they are fake friends. I too have gone to social work school and grad school and even seminary and chaplaincy training programs and have meet people that I became close with and considered my friends only to realize that when that season was over...so was our interactions as friends. I think that sometimes people are in our lives to experience our journey at that time with us and then it's time to move on. It really does hurt and I miss them a lot too sometimes but then I may meet some new people who are with me for where I am at that time as well. I have a core set of 3 or 4 friends that are my friends regardless of how much i talk to them or see them while I'm open to whoever I am supposed to meet next. So I would say cherish the people you meet for the time they are in your life and if possible try to stay in touch but if it doesnt happen then be grateful for that time and get excited and be open to who you may meet next. Grieve if you have to because loss is loss no matter what.
Maybe, but I find it very ironic that they're all social workers now and they still keep in touch because I see their pictures and posts on social media. No time for a broke, unemployed, depressed, anxious person like me.
Don’t see yourself like that! It’s probably not like that. Who knows the reason why they stay in touch but just know there are other people out there who will connect with you when the time is right.
I agree with the other posts as well. Things are different now with social media and even email. I graduated from High School in 1992 and no one I knew was on the internet at that time (I am a computer guy, so I was, but it was not at all like it is today). When leaving school, moving or going to a new job back then there was a communications blackout with those old friends and acquaintances. With changing phone numbers and addresses we would lose contact with everyone unless they were close, and it took a lot of effort to stay in contact. When you would run into someone at a party or at the store it was special, and phone numbers would be exchanged. Even then, you may not call or be called. It was normal and understandable to lose contact just because people are busy. Now, with social media, we can reconnect easily.
This can lead to too much weight being put on that connection. People are busy, and sometimes would like to connect but they need to connect with family, close relationships and are forced to spend their best waking hours at work. I would not look at this as a reflection of you. These people are living life and need to prioritize their time with all the thousands of requests for their time each day. It does not mean you are not important, or not likable, they just have limited time.
I am a Gen Xer, but I can relate to younger generations because I am a computer guy who has been online for years, and I went back to College in 2004 for another degree and I was around a bunch of young people (just in time, I was 30 and I was starting to get the grumpy "Kids these Days" attitude which was dissipated when I met some promising, smart young people). I can't imagine growing up with social media. I had to force myself to "Unplug" in the mid-late 90's because I was so wrapped up in the digital world. I had to find balance. Luckily, I had a childhood of being unplugged as a baseline.
Watching younger people struggle with connection makes me sad. When I went back to college, I asked one of my younger friends what is the major event that influenced people his age. I thought it would be 911. He said Columbine. It floored me. He helped me to understand how High school, a normally stressful time for most people was on another level for today's young people. Add cell phone texting, social media and cyber bullying and I get it. I know I am getting more philosophical and broader here, but you are not the only person I have heard talking about these types of worries. You are not alone.
Listen to the other people who have posted here. It is normal for friendships to ebb and flow. One of my biggest surprises was when Facebook was available to everyone and not just students, I reconnected with so many people from my past. One after another for a period of a few months. It was almost frantic with everyone sharing info and promises to meet up and keep in touch. Out of all those people, I only kept in contact with 1 at any regular interval. As of today, I do not talk to him regularly. He had a daughter and is busy with her. No problem, life moves on. We will connect again when his life changes - yet again.
Just remember that most of the time people would rather talk to you than send that corporate email, but making a living is getting in the way.
Nothing comes across as fake friends. Only the minority will bother to talk now that you aren't in their social day to day life anymore. People are naturally selfish and try to remain in the present
But it isn't fair!!! I see them all the time on Facebook and Instagram and I see that they're still hanging out with each other. I guess they really don't want someone who hasn't finished school, broke, unemployed and has depression and anxiety anymore.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
i am happy to share that i have recieved a job offer letter after 9 months of joblessness, that is based on a fake experience i have shown
I can't make any friends
Just looking for some advice here. I have been going nuts trying to figure out what to do.
How do I cope from Rejection from Family and Friends
I have no idea how to make friends.
