Feeling lost

[Wishingforpeace]

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and I love him dearly. He has gotten to be so hard to deal with lately that he is causing me to have regular anxiety attacks. He suffers from depression and unless pushed, doesn’t really do anything about it. Just mopes and complains and can be very draining when he’s in that state. We each have our own therapists and have done couples counseling but it only worked short term because his memory is terrible and he forgets things that we learned in therapy. I’m at a loss of what to do so we are currently “taking a break” which he is mad at me for doing but I just can’t take anymore. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Hidden]

Relationships over an extended period, three years, is a long time for many, if you are both mentally ill that can stress the relationship many ways and possibly familiarity can breath some some forms of contempt, The relationship is getting older and we can sometimes suffer doubts on how the relationship is developing. I found when I way playing the field my relationships if they lasted over a long period began to go stale, any expectations you have become like a married couple and the relationship slacks down and sometimes out.

If you are both having therapy, both courses may be proceeding in different ways, your man may be proceeding down a different track than your course

You both need to talk, mental health especially when a couple is bad and being together can become flat, I am not saying that is the problem here, all I am saying is you both have baggage and that may be the problem

BOB

[Wishingforpeace in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for you insight. We definitely both have our issues and I feel like him and I are constantly talking about mental health and not getting anywhere. He’s the type of person who will talk about doing something, try it once or twice then stop and go back to old bad habits. I’m the type who needs to see progress and that there’s an effort being made to combat the depression.

[Hidden in reply to Wishingforpeace]

He sounds like He is frightened to succeed, He is loosing possibly His confidence. Sometimes we can loose confidence and we worry, what is or that will not work, then go back to the corner where people have problems reaching them and they get frightened of the growl of fear and worry of what is expected of Him.

You both have problems together, I know in my past I was engaged for four or five years, we should have been married by then. Instead we were waltzing around the problem as the expectations we once had was going nowhere.

In a way you are like a married couple, without the marriage ticket, it become to easy to walk away. Obligations have last their urgency consider your needs be brave and consider both your needs.

The problems I had I looked for where the grass was always greening, however I was always faithful people always look elswhere where the kisses may be sweeter after so long

BOB

[Wishingforpeace in reply to Hidden]

I’ve been in therapy on and off for many years. I go back whenever I feel I need a mental tune up. My problem is that he has been so stunted by an overbearing parent, that he’s incapable of self soothing and fixing his own problems. He’s always turning to me to help him and/or make him feel better and I can’t handle it on a regular basis. I just want a partner in life who is on the same page with self love and care and doesn’t NEED so much.