Feeling panicked and lost

[Panic247]

First post and I’m scared to death. I cried trying to think of a username because I feel unable to make even the simplest decisions. I panic ALL DAY. I am up to 80 mg of Valium and it does nothing. I’m becoming agoraphobic because I feel paranoid that everybody can see on my face what I feel in my body which is sheer torture. Also coupled with the fact that NOTHING seems like the right decision to do or say. I have no appetite, nausea, and pace so much I’ve lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. I feel completely devastated that my husband has to go through this with me. It makes me feel like I’m a burden with nothing positive to offer. My skin just feels like it’s crawling because I’m so uncomfortable. I pull on my hair, chew my lips, and curl and uncurl my toes and fingers. I feel like I look like I’m on drugs. I haven’t been to work in two weeks and I have no insurance and my husband makes too much money for any kind of assistance and I can’t afford a psychiatrist. I just feel so worthless. I want to run but I have nowhere to go and I would just be bringing myself with me.

[Hidden]

Hi. I wanted to say welcome to you and well done for doing your first post here...and choosing a name ..it’s all quite overwhelming at first especially when we feel so ill..

I hope being here helps you ..people here will understand.

Things can improve and you can feel better..

You’ve made a good step coming here...just reading posts helped me a lot, knowing I wasn’t alone..

Good wishes

🌹🌺🌹🌺🌹 x

[Panic247 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the encouragement. It feels more comfortable being completely honest on here and not being in front of someone. I dissociate a lot in person. Learned trait from childhood that’s hard to break.

[Hidden in reply to Panic247]

Your welcome. I do same , learnt from child hood too...

I’ve had a lot of therapy and practise meditation and mindfulness it has gotten better, it’s a work in progress but healing is possible, some days worse than others but I’ve improved a lot..keep the hope ..

And yes it’s a good place to come an chat about how you feel and ask questions ..take good care of you !

🌹🌹🌹 xx

[gerg]

I think that I found your 10 pounds...

Your first post is very good.

[Panic247 in reply to gerg]

Haha thanks for the smile and compliment

[Taylorsunshine]

Is there anything you can think of to help you try & relax a little bit...a walk by yourself outside to get some fresh air & listen to music to distract those nagging thoughts, soak in a hot bubble bath, read a book or watch funny videos on YouTube. All of these things have helped me when I needed to get out of my own head. I understand the feelings of thinking that you are burdening your spouse. My husband takes it personally & then wants to "fix it" for me so that's how I ended up finding this site Just knowing that there is other people out there that understand & are going though the same kind of things helped me to not feel so alone. You are absolutely NOT worthless !!! I hope that things can get better for you soon & also I thought your username was actually kind of creative 😊 take care & reach out on here as much as you need too.

[Panic247 in reply to Taylorsunshine]

Thank you for the suggestions. I pace a lot. I have a treadmill but I start to panic even though my body is telling me to run. I usually love to read and listen to music, but it’s getting where any form of stimulation is overwhelming. Music was my go to for a long time. I do a lot of organizing to the point of OCD and I forget where I put things and my husband is getting upset because I’ve thrown so much away. My therapist suggested narrating my day, so today was my first time doing so and I tried to include EVERYTHING to see if I can see where things go wrong but I’m scared to even look at my notes. I just did the talk to text into a journal app, so I believe that kind of dissociated me from what was really going on. The struggle is real. I really do appreciate the support on here. Literally the best thing I’ve done today is sign up for this app.

[fossil314 in reply to Panic247]

This website has helped me tremendously. One thing that has help me a lot here lately is understanding that im not alone. Also reading what responses other people get from posts I can relate to. I can really relate to this one. Hope you have a good day! "POSITIVE THOUGHTS EQUAL POSITIVE RESULTS"

[Icanbeathis2016]

Welcome to the forum. I remember journaling and posting on here the same worries that you have. I have the same exact symptoms. I lost weight so fast, my self esteem dropped 10 feet deep. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. I cried cried cried every day. And I was embarrassed to even want to work because I knew people would notice how I looked and make comments and that made it even worse. And I also didn't want to go to people for help because I felt I would be a burden with my issues. So I kept alot to myself which eventually it seems like my anxiety manifested to social anxiety. I became more and more isolated and didn't want to talk or be around people. I am now trying to learn to communicate with people more or take the initiative to talk more. Because my anxiety had me in a bubble. I know exactly how you feel. I'd like to share my broadcast on YouTube with you. I had finally built the courage to do it but I was always afraid and thinking the worst. But it discusses anxiety my journey through my fear of fate. I talk about my worries and what anxiety does. It basically a way to show my face and who I am during my journey and struggles. And hopefully others will feel free to interact and communicate there. Check it out if you can. You are not alone. 😊

youtu.be/IyGWJFefv-M(Not working as expected?)

[Panic247 in reply to Icanbeathis2016]

Thank you for sharing your story with me. I will check out your YouTube broadcast

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to Panic247]

No problem. I hope you like. 😊

[Hidden]

Hello and so sorry to hear that you are struggling at the moment. You are defintely NOT a 'burden' to anyone - when you are ill, you need and deserve the best possible support and help. Please be kind to yourself. If the valium is not working, have you discussed this with your doctor? How long have you been feeling like this? Lots of caring people here who will be able to offer you advice on virtually any subject (including some really random stuff !) if you need it or just empathise. Take care,

[Panic247 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for taking the time to read my message. And even bigger thank you for saying I’m not a burden. I placed a call to the doctor yesterday in hysterics, still waiting to hear back. I’m calling again when they open because this is just torture. I’ve had anxiety since I can remember, but it been bad for at least 2-3 years and for some reason uncontrollable the last month. Therapist suggests it’s PTSD and Panic Disorder. My brother is Schizoeffective with Bipolar depression, and now signs of early stages of Parkinson’s at 37 years old. I’m scared there’s more wrong with me that I haven’t discovered because of genetics. I’m just going to keep even a sliver of hope alive that things will get better. Hopefully that sliver of hope turns into a beacon of light.

[Hidden in reply to Panic247]

It's easy to get worried about things that might happen but, of course, we all need to remind ourselves that really we have no idea what the future holds and, certainly, no control over it. The future might turn out worse or better than we expect. All we have is the present and, easy to say I know, that's what we have to focus on. May you enjoy hope, health and happiness today and every day.

[agse01]

Thank you for reaching out! You are most definitely not alone! Depression and anxiety steal so much from us! I'm sorry that you are struggling so much with it right now. Many of us struggle with it. You are not a burden to anyone even though I know that's so easy to believe when we are in this mindset! You have so much to offer the world even if you can't see it right now! Is this something you have struggled with before? Has something in your life changed recently to bring it on? I know you said that you can't afford a counselor right now. Talking to someone does definitely help though. I don't know your religious beliefs, buy many churches offer lay counseling for free or a very minimal amount. I have found there is no judgment and the counselor really does want to listen to me and help and support me. That may be something to look for in your area if you are comfortable with that. I am also going to pass on a phone number to you that will get you in contact with a counselor that would love to talk to you over the phone and help you with any resources that may be beneficial for you. It is absolutely free. If you want to use the number, great, if not it's ok. I just thought it might be an option for you! That number is 1-855-382-5433. Wishing you the best. I know it seem very overwhelming right now, but you will get through this!