IM NEW HERE AND NEED ADVISE

[xxsashulyaxx]

So i been leaving with my Fiance a little over 4 years. Hes mom been leaving with us also. Now we planned a move to a different state for all of us. His mother changed her mind about me staying with them and kicked me out of the house. I already quit my job and moved all my belongings. My fiance telling me not to worry and just give it a little time and hes gonna get an separate place for us to live. Never happen to me before but im having an anxiety and panic attacks and i dont know how to deal with it. PLEASE HELP

[Hidden]

I’m sorry that this is all happening to you. It does sound like your fiancé is there to help you along the way so that’s great. I’ve only had a handful of panic attacks. What helps me is carrying a paper bag with me and just remembering to breathe. If you need anyone to talk to, I’m here for you!!

[xxsashulyaxx in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

I just keep crying and I didnt leave the house since Thursday I dont think its k

I just keep thinking hes gonna leave me

[Hidden in reply to xxsashulyaxx]

Has he given you a reason to think this way? It’s good to cry. It always helps!

[xxsashulyaxx in reply to Hidden]

No he keeps saying

Dont worry I'll figure it out

[Hidden in reply to xxsashulyaxx]

Has he ever failed you before? When uncontrollable things happen in my life, I always worry I’ll lose my boyfriend. We’ve been together for 7 years and he still has my back, even when I think he doesn’t. I just have to trust in him and in our relationship.

[xxsashulyaxx in reply to Hidden]

No never I'm just so scared to push him away...with me being like this

But I'm so impatient and 2 weeks seems to be way too long

[Hidden in reply to xxsashulyaxx]

Have you shared your concerns with him? Communication is necessary.

[xxsashulyaxx in reply to Hidden]

Yea he supports me and keeps telling me everything is gonna be k

But I cant come my self down..I understand that it's not normal but I came help it

I

[Hidden in reply to xxsashulyaxx]

It’s actually pretty normal. You’ve never been in a situation like this. It’s scary, I’d be scared. You don’t know how to go about it. Look at it as a bump in the road, if you can. You and your fiancé will get through this with flying colors. It sounds like he’s there for you. So be there for him too. Ask what you could do to help. I’m sure he would appreciate it.

[xxsashulyaxx in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

It's so nice to talk to someone

[Hidden in reply to xxsashulyaxx]

You’re welcome!! We all have to stick together. 💘

[xxsashulyaxx in reply to Hidden]

So true

To be honest I dont even have friends

To share

[Hidden in reply to xxsashulyaxx]

You’re not alone there either. I really only have my boyfriend. But here, we are all friends. 😊

[xxsashulyaxx in reply to Hidden]

Atleast I'm not alone

[Sandyxoxx]

Wow! ! And he's your fiance, it's ok he cares about his mom ,but you come first ! How old is he ?

[xxsashulyaxx in reply to Sandyxoxx]

Hes 29 gonna be 30

[Sandyxoxx in reply to xxsashulyaxx]

Ok he's old enough to take care of YOU n Him, why mom ? Sorry not hating on mom but why ?

[xxsashulyaxx in reply to Sandyxoxx]

Shes 70 taking pain killers and alcohol

She basically cant even go to the store her self...and theres s lot more to it

[Sandyxoxx in reply to xxsashulyaxx]

Wow pain killers n alcohol, doesn't mix good !! I'll tell you a little why I say what I say ..I just left my fiance, we lived in his mother's house ,only until he got a settlement n we could move out ! Was hell sometimes ,she knew how to push his buttons ,n he used it to do wrong ,by going out n staying out ,drinking n drugging ,yes pain meds for back . He stay away all nite ,sometimes took her car . He blamed her ,she got him upset ,calling him a loser n won't get that settlement. Well he did ..he said he wouldn't be around her that much after we moved out !! Hope didn't happen ,she still pushed his buttons !! I left him this time for good ! Oh he's back living with his mom !!

[Sandyxoxx in reply to Sandyxoxx]

Oh hes in his 50s

[xxsashulyaxx in reply to Sandyxoxx]

Same here his her only son ....

And he doesnt say much back

She sold her house in nyc and bought a 3900ft house just for her self ....we were supposed to live in an apartment that's on the same property.....

But than she basically confronted me and told me straight in my face I dont like you and I dont want you here....and that's after 4 years of me helping her in anyway I could .

[Sandyxoxx in reply to xxsashulyaxx]

Wow no reason why she told you she didn't like you ? Sorry to say she needs help ,not suppose to take pain meds n alcohol , should be taking off them by doc ,blood test should show she is abusing them n could be very dangerous! Son should know if he cares .

[xxsashulyaxx in reply to Sandyxoxx]

I'm just too straight up forward type of person and she didnt like what she heard to whatever question she asked.

She knows the doctor so she never gave her blood work...she didnt do it for over 5 years. Even now she asks her son to drive her from pa to nyc 3h drive to see her pain Management doc to get pills

[Sandyxoxx in reply to xxsashulyaxx]

Wow that's too far to see a doc!! Son should step up n tell her no ,find a doc out here ! Hmm no blood work ..that doc is taking changes !!

[Sandyxoxx in reply to Sandyxoxx]

Oh yes my ex fiance mom ,we had to walk on egg shells sometimes ! She loved drama !!

[dee_bells]

Sounds like the painkillers and alcohol are talking from his mom. Sounds like she has some issues and your fiancé knows that, right?

He sounds very supportive of you.

When you get a panic attack go for a walk or get away from the situation and listen to music you enjoy.

[xxsashulyaxx in reply to dee_bells]

He knows he just never talks about it

And I understand that's its hard becouse it's your mother and we dont pick our parents but I was expecting him to stand up for me more...I did loose it when she confronted me and badicly told her I dont like her eather

He just wants us to get alone....becouse he doesnt have any other family

I forgave her and honestly just dont care about her...and I dont wish her bad eather.

I just dont understand how she doesnt care for her son (her only son) she only making it harder for him and not me.

[dee_bells]

Unfortunately I think you’re the one that will have to be the grown up and get along with her. Your fiancé sounds torn between the two of you. He loves you but feels obligated to his mom.

Just “manage” to get along with her with as little contact as possible. And if she says something nasty to you just say “hmmmm.” Don’t give in to fighting with her. Things will get better! I know they will stay strong.

Dee

[xxsashulyaxx in reply to dee_bells]

That was the plan

But I'm not allowed in that house or anywhere on that property

So if we dont move out...which he cant becouse she cant live by her self

We have to break up

And I really dont want to let him go

[dee_bells]

What does he want you to do? Where are you living? Maybe she is the one that should live somewhere else?????

[xxsashulyaxx]

I went back to stay with my mom and my brother ..i started looking for a new job in nyc

Hes telling me just give him time and hell figure stuff out ...maybe go back to stay with her or get a separate apartment. So I dont know if I should be looking for a new job in Pa as well

I'm just hanging in the middle and dont know what to do

[Sandyxoxx in reply to xxsashulyaxx]

Do what your gut feelings ! I left my ex fiance 2xs n has my foot out the door everyday ! Was giving me anxiety badly , I was hoping it would change ! Sadly it didn't even tho we had our own place . His mom n bro were in the picture all the time . Bro was a heroin addicted n used him to buy his supply ,knowing he had $$$ ! I left n didn't go back !! His mom n bro were more important to him than me ! Was left alone alot !!

[Sandyxoxx in reply to Sandyxoxx]

Oh he got arrested driving high ,after he dropped me off at our apt ,yelling at me , and took off ..he hit a car going out of our apt complex ! I left ,mom n bro took over my stuff n apt ..which i know they loved it !! Should have left long ago ! Very abusing n temper !! Was afraid of him sometimes !!

[xxsashulyaxx in reply to Sandyxoxx]

I actually got the job today

And I start tomorrow

I was thinking that if he loves me maybe I should just give him time he asks and see what's going to happen if he loves me hell come and get me. If not wasnteant to be.

But than I think how can you not fight for someone you love

[xxsashulyaxx in reply to xxsashulyaxx]

I'm so amazed by ppl like you...after everything they dont see who truly wants best for them...how could they...

[dee_bells]

This is your life and you need to take control. What is your gut telling you? I’d find a job in nyc and stay with your mom and brother if that works for you. You don’t want panic attacks by being around his mother.

I have my autistic older sister who lives with my husband and I. It is incredibly uncomfortable and I’m trying to decide if she should go to assisted living or not. I have 2 other siblings that don’t care about her. I’m not sure how I got stuck with her as my brother is older than me.

Your health is more important and that’s what I tell myself.

[xxsashulyaxx in reply to dee_bells]

I honestly think he truly loves me , I love him alot too and I dont wanna loose what we have.

I understand that's your own health is more important but I just cant let it go.

[dee_bells]

I’m sure he loves you! His love for you is so different than the love he has for his mother.

Don’t let him go—but do what works for you both with minimum stress to you. You can find a way. No one can take better care of you than you.

Don’t worry or try not to worry.

I’m a huge worrier. He loves you and it will work out. Hugs.

Dee

[xxsashulyaxx in reply to dee_bells]

Thank you very much for support

[dee_bells]

You’re welcome!! I can tell from your messages that your fiancé really truly loves you. It will work out.

My husband does not have my back. And that’s critical. But not sure what to do.

Hang in there, sweetie. Thinking of you. 😁😁😁

[Jamiedee51]

Baby sounds like to me you need to get a job, find your own place and you! You are a resourceful person and capable of great things! I had to find myself, my way after a 34 year marriage ended. My parents passed away and my family turned their back on me. Itll make you strong to make it on your own! Also he was living with mom and let her kick you out! You can and will do better!