I feel as if I'm breaking down

[Scarfy]

Hello everyone. I have been battling with anxiety and emetophobia for long time. They almost ruined my life 9 years ago. I was put in Seroxat and thing were better during the 5 years I took it. I decided to quit over 3 years ago and that was a dark period of my life as well. I had been doing okay until about a month ago when my symptoms began to come back - I feel anxious during the whole day, I am often nauseous and get panic attacks. What probably bothers me most is that I can barely eat. I always worry that I'm going to throw up and I get nauseous. So I eat just a little bit. I can't really afford to go into therapy again and I'm keeping my parents away from this. They have been through too much with me already. I live alone in a town away from them and I'm so scared because I feel unwell so often. I'm afraid I'll just give up and go back home and that will be the end of the fight. Can you guys give me any advice?

[mrmonk]

Hello Scarfy. Firstly, welcome to this HealthUnlocked community -- there are lots of compassionate folks here who are dealing with issues similar to yours and understand what you're going through...and I'm one of them. I've had emetophobia since I was a young child, going on for about forty years now. In that time, I've learned how to coexist with it. And though this may not be the path you'd choose for yourself, until you can get back into therapy, or, perhaps, see a psychiatrist about resuming medication, there are ways to cope if you are on your own.

I think the most important thing is to maintain your nutrition and a healthy weight. If you don't mind me asking, what is your diet like? Do you take a multivitamin? How often do you eat/drink during the day? What are your favorite things to eat? Do you find it easier to consume liquids?

If nausea is a frequent issue, have you tried any antiemetic medications, like Zofran?

I'm sorry you have been feeling so unwell, and, believe me, I know how scary it is -- I just want you to know that there is hope and you can get through this.

Take care, be well.

[Scarfy in reply to mrmonk]

Hello mrmonk. Thank you for getting back to me. I usually eat around 5 times a day, small portions but now km down to 3 or 4 really small portions. My stomach is upset almost all the time and I feel especially nauseous when I eat so it's difficult to enjoy mealtime. I don't really stick to a healthy diet though - mostly sandwiches. Liquids are easier but sometimes I get nauseous when drinking too.

I can't drink proper antiemetics because they work in the brain and I get a bad reaction ever since I stopped taking Seroxat.

Have you been in therapy for the phobia?

[mrmonk in reply to Scarfy]

Strictly speaking, I haven't had therapy for my phobia(s), but I did see a psychiatrist at a young age, when my phobia(s) first appeared.

Have you tried nutritional supplement drinks, like Ensure shakes? Though not ideal, they can help keep you from becoming malnourished.

Also, have you tried any of the over-the-counter anti-nausea products, like Emetrol or Pepto-Bismol? At least with those, you wouldn't have to worry about serious adverse effects, as they don't impact the brain.

[Scarfy in reply to mrmonk]

I haven't tried those drinks. I haven't seen any in my country. I take sodium citrate for the nausea but as the nausea is not cause by physical reasons... it doesn't really work. I just take it to calm myself down.

How do you cope with the phobia? Does it impact your life?

[mrmonk in reply to Scarfy]

Because the phobia manifested at such a young age for me, it really altered my life in a profound way, and because I've had it so long, that alteration is just a part of who I am -- I literally cannot remember a time when I did not have this phobia.

So, for me, the coping mechanisms are second nature, like how children readily pick up foreign languages and become fluent.

My diet has always been basically emetophobia-friendly, meaning it has always included some form of nutritional supplement, like Ensure products.

Most of my coping behaviors would be considered, clinically, to be avoidant. But that is not my experience because the things I avoid are things I would never enjoy anyway, like roller coasters, for instance, which, in addition to inducing motion sickness are just not something I would take any pleasure in riding.

I have yet to let my phobia stand in the way of doing something I really wanted to do. For instance, when I was an adolescent, I wanted to travel to another country, but I knew that flying would make me queasy, so I took some Valium and made the trip (and many more since) without panic.

Though not as frequently as during childhood, when I do experience emetophobia-related panic (what I've dubbed "phobia attacks"), what instictively happens with me is that all the adrenaline that is generated during the attack gets redirected in some other way -- sometimes tourette's-like tics or a shaking limb, etc. -- and the anxiety is released that way, distracting my mind from the sensation of nausea. Mind you, this happens automatically at this point in my life, as I've had the phobia for so long.

You mentioned that you've had anxiety and emetophobia for a long time, that things really came to a head nine years ago. When did the phobia take root for you?

[Scarfy in reply to mrmonk]

I basically remember every time I've thrown up in my life. My earliest memory is when I was in kindergarten and my mum was trying to feed me some toast and tea which I immediately threw up. I think it started there but I'm not sure. I think that throwing up is a natural physiological process and it shouldn't be a scary thing. However, when I feel nauseous all my logic flies out the window and I start shaking like a leaf. A stupid phobia to have ☹ it has impacted my life. I'm terrified of flying - I have done it but I'm nauseous and anxiety-driven all the way. Most people are afraid that the plane might crash... I'm afraid I might throw up. My anxiety is extremely heightened when I feel nauseous in front of other people.

[Hisue]

I don’t see anything wrong with staying with your parents short term until you feel safe & strong enough to go back to your place.