I have this feeling that nothing is improving with me mentally and now I am ready to start burning myself out before I end up burning other people out (especially family members). I can’t socialize without feeling awkward and insecure at all. I feel afraid to do other things that I wish I could do but I don’t have any talent or motivation to do it anyway. All I have left in me is to isolate and be nothing because throughout my entire lifetime, I have had bad luck as a teenager getting bullied and rejected as well as socialization and dealing with different parental views from both my parents (who have been divorced since I was 5 years old). In my life now, it continues to haunt me and feel there is and will not be a safe way out of this matter. All I could do now is run and do nothing at all. I am going to the ER later this morning where I am at and feel that I ain’t getting any better so I feel that others (including family) will be better off without me and would not support me anyway in these troubled times of mine. So if anyone is out there that would share their opinion about this, i’ll be up anyway can’t sleep and have nothing else to do.