I have this feeling that nothing is improving with me mentally and now I am ready to start burning myself out before I end up burning other people out (especially family members). I can’t socialize without feeling awkward and insecure at all. I feel afraid to do other things that I wish I could do but I don’t have any talent or motivation to do it anyway. All I have left in me is to isolate and be nothing because throughout my entire lifetime, I have had bad luck as a teenager getting bullied and rejected as well as socialization and dealing with different parental views from both my parents (who have been divorced since I was 5 years old). In my life now, it continues to haunt me and feel there is and will not be a safe way out of this matter. All I could do now is run and do nothing at all. I am going to the ER later this morning where I am at and feel that I ain’t getting any better so I feel that others (including family) will be better off without me and would not support me anyway in these troubled times of mine. So if anyone is out there that would share their opinion about this, i’ll be up anyway can’t sleep and have nothing else to do.
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Sabbath_Star
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9 Replies
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I can relate to much of your post. My question is: is there anything in your life that you still like to do(and that you have the energy ) to do right now? Try to do that one thing, whatever it is....cat videos on youtube, listen to Ozzy Osbourne's Crazy Train, go to McDonald's and order extra large french fries, etc. Do whatever you can think of,provided it's legal.
gnmyers2000: thank you very much indeed for your response. I do listen to music pretty much all day as well as do other things. The problem is it’s just the same cycle of coping skills I use all the time that is also burning me out big time. Your suggestions are good, I do at least one of them all the time too. What I need is a huge medication overhaul so hopefully I could make it through the next couple of weeks when I see my prescriber and see what they say...
I think u have got to tell ur family how u feel and that u feel like ur a burden to them coz if they actually knew how u felt they would b so shocked ( as they prob wouldnt have a clue u felt like that) plus they would want to help u rather then lose u.
It easy to say we could burn ourselves out and give up but i could never do that to my family. Although we argue and they do my head in i know that the only people i would hurt would b my family and they would b left here with the selfish thing i decided to do instead of just telling them.
U have also got to help urself, ie mayb a trip to ur doctors to tell him of ur depression and anxiety and let him help u.
Plus do things that take ur mind of urself, ie gym, run, walk, put a audio book on and walk until it done... music, dance, watch boxsets.. films... anything that gets ur mind onto something else.
Plus keeping fit is a good way to release endorphins which make u feel good... help u love urself more coz ur look better and it just keeps u active and busy.
I found yoga and pilates helped me, anxiety was my problem now still have a little and i can get abit ocd so i keep my mind and body active .. plus more active u are the more it helps aid sleep!
Lulububs: thank you very much indeed for your response. I practice every coping skill (including the ones you mentioned) possible but I have exhausted all my coping options and that’s another reason I am burning out a lot more. I wish I could tell my family how I feel but I am afraid that I’ll catch them in a bad mood and make me feel more isolated and insecure about myself. I do see the med doctor in a couple of weeks and hope I could hang on that long. I am totally not fit to be around anyone and need to suffer until then but will be in contact with my family about my matters on how I feel.
Lulububs: very great suggestions. I may not have a lot of friends or family support but those crisis lines do help plus I also feel safe chatting on here too. I just hope no one I have supposedly burned out isn’t burned out either. I am just tired of running and isolating as I feel that I have tortured and have been too harsh on myself and need better outlets of life. So thanks for all the suggestions and keep up the good work
I think you need to tell your family, even if you just told 1 family member. I don’t think they’ll be angry with you for sharing your woes with them, if you were my brother/cousin/uncle I’d rather you told me than suffer with all these thoughts on your own. Your family knows you best and can probably help you to feel better, by suggesting more appropriate distractions for you, better than we can anyway, because they know you. We’re all here to listen to you and to try advise you as best we can, that goes without saying.
Don’t give up though, that would be such a waste of a life, you can make a difference in this world. You matter!! Sending you warm regards. Boomdiay x
Boomdiay88: thank you very much indeed for your response. Lately it sure has been tough as I have been on empty as of late. I do realize that I have a lot of work to do to better myself and talk to my family about how I feel without them stigmatizing me for what I suffer from. I do love this form of communication to help me through these tough times of mine. One thing that could help is me going to an intense outpatient therapy program to help me through and fix the kinks in me. It ain’t going to guarantee success immediately but it’s worth a fighting shot.
Again thank you very much indeed for your support and I shall keep all posted on my progress. Best wishes Sabbath_Star
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The Shame Spiral of a Slip Up
Slipping into a deep rut again
Slipping slowly back 
