I have OCD. Lately my instructive thoughts have gone from inappropriate to violent. I’m scared I’m gonna hurt myself or others. I know I won’t but the line between reality and my head is thinning. I feel in a fog and like life isn’t really happening. Suddenly I’ll be back to normal and then it’s back. I feel like I’m going into psychosis but my counselor and family has said since I understand it’s not normal, I’m not. But I built up such a fear I can’t get out of it. I normally have anxiety flare ups where I have a couple days of high anxiety and they go away but this has been a whole different level. I’m scared to be left alone. I feel like my personality is slipping away. My dr gave me Zoloft and after half a 50mg pill I lost my mind. It wasn’t the meds and that was almost a week ago so it’s long gone out of my system but it’s like it triggered something. I considered going to the hospital but they don’t admit you unless you’re a real dmnger and I’m not since I can still function and care for my daughter. I don’t know what’s happened to me and nobody can relate to the violent thoughts. I feel like I’m going to snap. I feel like my brain is dying. I go to a new therapist tonight. I hope that’ll help. I’ve considered edibles to help relax me too. Idk but I felt good last night then had two nightmares. It’s making me really depressed which is not normal for me. I used to just be anxious not sad and very fearful. Anyone else felt like this? Advice?!
Trapped: I have OCD. Lately my... - Anxiety and Depre...
Yes!..I'm no therapist and this is just my lay person opinion but..seek immediate help..go somewhere else and keep trying till somebody listens to you.....and tell the idiots that you may be dissociating and having thoughts of self harm and harming others, and you have a child in your care....please get help.... I'm sorry this is happening to you, but this is serious....for you and others.
My recommendations are as follows!
1) See a doc if you haven't already, just to check basic stuff (thyroid, chemistries) and review all your meds. There are medical causes of anxiety and those should be ruled out if not done already
2) Please see my profile! I recommend listening to dr. Claire Weekes' Enlightenment video right away- it is my favorite of the resources I list, and it's also available ASAP for you to hear.
It sounds to me like this is just good old-fashioned anxiety. And of course we know that OCD is an anxiety -based condition! Not to minimize your intrusive thoughts and all that you are feeling, but honestly, reducing your reaction to it (minimizing it!) is the key to starting on the road to recovery. Please take a listen to Dr. Weekes. She explains very clearly how the pattern unfolds. And it sounds like you fit that pattern to a "T".
Try not be startled by your thoughts. They are just thoughts. People in a sensitized state get bizarre thoughts all the time and they "stick" because Anxiety reacts to them. People in a non-sensitized state can get these thoughts and they just slip right through. The only thing that matters is your behavior. And you already know you are not going to act on your thoughts. So you can stop worrying about that Most anxious people I've met have such an incredibly well-developed conscience, they are in no way at risk of acting on these strange, instrusive thoughts. But anxiety tries to tell us otherwise! Ignore the thoughts. Ignore Anxiety's reaction to them. Let them come and go. Pay them no mind. As you practice this new approach, the thoughts will lessen, no longer startle and bewilder you, and you will see them for what they are - "Don't be bluffed by a thought" ~ Dr. Claire Weekes.
Lastly, if you end up in the ER, that's OK. It is part of the journey for most of us with high anxiety. Most likely they will send you right back home. Anxiety learns from this, too. "Hmmm Maybe there is no danger? Maybe I'm making something out of nothing?" It takes a lot of practice and patience to go through the recovery process, and stumbling through is par for the course.
Check out all the resources I list! Instrusive thoughts are addressed in most if not all of them. Start with Dr. Weekes' audio I know for me, I listened to it ~ 50 times in the 1st week of desperately needing it. I had to "shove it in there". Do that if you are finding it helpful. I think I know the whole thing by heart at this point. She will teach you a new way to look at all of this and start accepting all your strange symptoms- even the intrusive thoughts- as part of anxiety. And this, my friend, is the key to total recovery.
I’ve struggled with OCD intrusive thoughts before too, it is from extreme anxiety. moodsmith.com has information and an OCD workshop that is $24 a month I found helpful. You are not going insane. I know how awful it is, and you feel crazy but it’s really just highly keyed up anxiety.
Okay. Even during the “early signs” they never ask? What’s concerning me is like these “spells” of altered reality but obviously it’s not because I’m able to articulate I feel that way.
What concerns me is part of my OCD is reassurance (I.e this but also googling) so when I google psychosis and early signs it says things like:
Pulling away from family
Loss of “happy” emotions or elevated “happy” emotions
Loss of interest
Loss of reality
Loss of focus
And I have all of these but they can also be triggered by my anxiety and OCD. I keep searching (because of the OCD) the differences between OCD and psychosis and they seem extremely similar and often misdiagnosed. And i feel like it’s not psychosis now because I question these thoughts but I’m afraid I am approaching that. Like do I have the warning signs of psychosis? I also had a “flare up” of intrusive thoughts a few weeks ago so it mentions psychosis is rarely a “snap” but gradual so is that what I’m doing?! I just don’t understand how one minute I can be 100% normal and then the next, feeling like I’m out of touch with reality...