I hate myself

All I ever do is cry and I'm a grown man I hate myself always have aways will

[Hidden]

I bet someone has made you feel like that. What are some good qualities you have? We all have some goodness in us.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I honestly can't think of one I've always been the odd ball

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I'm the odd ball too. I'm sure there are some good things. Don't believe what others say.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I want one day where I can smile and actually mean it people call me mrsmiles because I've aways got a fake smile I hate it

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I understand. I don't smile except with my patients. My family says I don't laugh any more. I want that back too. Happiness comes from within first. Maybe we need to work on that.

[Agora1]

Grown men cry too Mike and it's okay. It's a release in all the emotional turmoil

we are feeling. Why would you hate yourself? As Melhall said "We all have some

goodness in us". Why would you feel you are different? We care about you and

want to help support you and keep you safe. We are all here for a reason. This

forum has brought us together. In number there is strength. Talk to us Mike

in what is really bothering you. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

I hate myself because I've always been the weak one that everyone walks on I hate that I've never been a good reader can't spell worth shit I've always been overweight never been able to save there so much more

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Mike for responding. I may not be a therapist but I do know that there isn't

one of us who hasn't liked something about ourselves. What I've learned over time

is that it is never too late to change things about ourselves that have either held us

back or have made us feel uncomfortable with others.

No one deserves to be walked on and taken advantage of. There are videos on YouTube that address this issue and it's free. Hating that you've never been a good

reader and can't spell well, night classes could help you. Weight issues can be taken

care of by your doctor/nutritionist/exercise. What I'm saying is, that anything we

don't like about ourselves can be changed if we want it enough. That is our decision

alone. We do it for us and not for anyone else.

There are some great Confidence/Self Esteem videos on YouTube that could get you

started in liking who you are. Somewhere along the way you were either bullied, looked down on and not given the reassurance that you were worthy of love and being

here. But this can all change Mike. Do you have a therapist? Therapy may be able to

direct you in the right path. Taking that first step that gives you purpose in life will only

be the start of you becoming someone you never thought you could be.

Believe in yourself, love yourself and you will never feel alone. We all have the power

within us to change. One small step at a time Mike will achieve a happier life, a happier you. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

I understand what you're saying no one's going to help me but myself but I can care less about myself anymore I have no urge to better myself Ive been In a hole that I can't get out

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Depression can make you feel this way but getting the right medication

and therapy can give you the boost you need to climb out of that hole

you find yourself in. We can't push you, it will come from within you

if and when you are ready. Meanwhile Mike, we are here to listen, support

and care about you. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thank you I would take myself to go get help but I'm going through a child custody battle and if the courts see I went to a hospital for mental it's going to mess everything up so I need to stay away and hope for the best

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

I understand Mike how important that is for you.

One thing at a time. I wish you luck with the courts.

Just know we are but a message away if you need us. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thank you

[Stephabbiss143 in reply to Hidden]

What an aweful world we live in where a court takes a child away because one is seeking help.

[KMarti19 in reply to Stephabbiss143]

Exactly. Maybe you can say it was for your strength you needed and to give yourself New direction. Nothing wrong in that. Courts should look at therapy as a Positive thing to do!!!!

[Sucks81]

Hello Mike. Sorry to hear that but that's all I have been doing to Everytime I turn around I'm breaking down. I pray that you get the help that I'm looking for too. I just joined a few minutes ago. Hope it helps idk. I've tried everything.

[Hidden in reply to Sucks81]

This place is the best you will find great groups of people good luck to you it's not easy

[Sucks81 in reply to Hidden]

Trust me I know and I'm glad I'm getting a positive from you on the website because like everyone you know how some areas scams thanks again. Hang in there.

[Hidden in reply to Sucks81]

You will not find scams here they are all real people going threw a lot of the same things thank you for your positive words I'm trying to work on myself hope all goes well for you

[Stephabbiss143]

Have you seen a counselor or tried any kinds of medication? You don't want to keep yourself from living your best life by not seeking professional assistance.

[Emmlish]

Do you have any idea what made you feel that way? Usually our traits are not what actually makes us feel like we hate ourselves, it's more a feeling that somebody put in there, like someone mentioned.

[KMarti19 in reply to Emmlish]

Exactly! I agree with that! Usually someone really was nasty and hurtful. I had that experience. Took some years for sure to un-do the damage

[Cara78]

Hi Mike, i dont know the extent of why your being so hard on yourself, maybe it was something you done that you cant forgive yourself for, maybe its drugs and alcohol thats making your depression worse or maybe you havnt embraced your uniqueness in this nutty world but whatever the reason, no human has it made here on Earth, no one is perfect and I've learned its my job to love myself and anything i get in return is a bonus to me. Self compassion is very important and working through your issues with a professional if needed helps you rid guilt and all the other nasties holding you back. I have had a tough life, i no longer wear my heart on my sleeve and am selective and fussy who i spend my precious time here with on earth. Its my job to do things that make me happy. This world is full of illusions and remember nothing changes if nothing changes. You are your destiny, you are your thoughts, you have the power to change your perception. People are learning to overcome great hardships and you can too, your human, give yourself more credit. I wish you well!

[Seeking098]

What is it exactly you hate please?

[Babalou722]

It’s alright to cry

[SoberDrunk1]

Books of Eckhart Tolle A new earth and Power of Now, helped me a lot. It helped me overcome the nagging "inner voice". Be the observer and let go of those thoughts. For some, our own mind is the worst critic and that leads to suicide.

[Krn210 in reply to SoberDrunk1]

The Power of Now is my most favorite book! I re-read it often. 😁

[rando1000]

You definitely have some issues, and therapy and/or medication are probably the best recommendation. That said, short of that, I can tell you that when your life is not what you want it to be, taking any action at all toward improvement can be very self-empowering.

You listed several things you see as "wrong" with you. Pick ONE of these things, and work on it. Make goals related to it, and as you complete those goals, make new ones. For example, you stated you're a poor reader. The way to become a better reader is to read more. Doesn't have to be anything complicated or impressive; pick up a young adult novel, or a basic history, or even just newspapers. That will probably help your spelling issues, as well. Take as much time as you need.

Also, if you can find it, I recommend a book called "Emotional First Aid" by Guy Winch. You're having self-esteem issues; this book contains recommendations on specific exercises to help improve self-esteem, among other things.

[NeuroticSanity]

I completely understand. I feel the same way about myself, though for different reasons.

In my experience self-loathing is an effect, not a cause. So, treating that self-loathing directly is like treating one symptom to rid your body of a disease. The symptom will always return, increasing frustration and anger (which we then direct back upon ourselves).

Instead of focusing on self-image, look for what is good in your life. Your gut, probably, initially responds with "nothing". However, even I can tell that there are some good things:

* You have internet access

* You also have access to a device with which to use it.

* You have adequate literacy skills to write, read, and reply to posts.

* You have a child (or children) whom you love enough to fight for.

Even if you don't get custody, you will probably have some access to your child(ren). Prepare to make the most of whatever you can get.

With this kind of thinking, continue this list for yourself.

[Pagesofwords]

I have said these words about myself and to myself for decades. I felt my life was over at the age of 29. I didn't believe I'd ever feel better. Many twists and turns of the road since then--I am now 61 and for the most part happy. All those years I've had intense periods of negativity about myself, hating myself and wanting to die. Believing I was worthless. I wanted to give you hope, Hidden. I learned skills and tools to help me through depression. I had therapy for many years and have been taking medication since 1984. I never believed anything would ever get better. But, since 1992 things began to have some hope in them. Depression tells you LIES. The lies are NOT true. I learned this through therapy, reading, and writing. I am a Christian and I still cry in church--yet I believe I am loved and cared for by my church family. Even if very few people reach out, I know that God is holding us all in his arms, and each of us is precious. There is no shame in crying--and especially when you are distressed. Depression causes great distress and it's not your fault that your brain is handling the stresses of your life by crying. It is just how it is. Don't THINK of it as a bad thing. Let the tears be and turn to people who can help you cope in a healthy way. As for reading better, I encourage you to go to your public library and get some easier books to read. Even children's picture books! Read them to yourself. Read out loud so you hear your voice--this can help with reading comprehension. Read lots and lots and lots and think about what you learn from the stories. This is a starting place to open your mind and help you practice reading--you'll get better! Don't judge yourself. I believe you are a precious person and your life is worth the work! I shall pray for you, Hidden. Take care.

[Canadiens]

I understand what you are going thru, I hated myself for a long time. I had a lot of trauma when I was a child. I never dealt with those pains. Eventually things addiction got me hard. I had to deal with my pains. Today I can honestly say to you that I don’t hate myself. Loving myself more everyday. You can get over whatever if eating away at you. I did it, took a lot of hard work and a lot of tears but you can do it. Keep coming back.

[Goddess-E]

Hello I've been dealing with depression in which I lose my will to deal with the day....Somtimes it lasts for a couple of days sometimes for several weeks.... In those times getting out of the bed is a real struggle it's a fight to get in the shower, to get dressed simple things that most people do with out thought.....Over time I began to monitor myself..... I mostly focused on who I was without the depression this gave me strength to start working on who I'd want to be when it would come back..... In my process of changing I'd have days when I could see myself achieving and days were I've slacked off,this taught me that change is an ongoing process that does not happen overnight..... One of the toughest things I've had to deal with as I've been dealing with depression is not the depression, but my constant worry about not meeting up to other people's standards.... I challenge you to look into yourself figure out who you are apart from other people's standards or the thought of what other people standards are for you and just be. When you think of just being what comes to mind, jot it down on paper or share it here with us or inbox me ....how does it make you feel to just be or the thought of just being....let your journey start from there..... Please understand the key word here is being suicide is not a part of being it's the opposite if anyone who reads this is dealing with the thought of suicide I challenge you to write down your problems on paper on oneside of the problem write down how the problem makes you feel and on the other side of problem write down all the solutions to deal with that problem that comes to mind....also doing bodily harm to someone or yourself is not a solution it's a problem.....No matter how long or short the list of problems writing this list will free your mind from holding all that in.... I often tell people that our emotions will make our problems seem impossible to solve or bigger than the issue really is and that can really make you just want to throw your hands up but please know you can live through it you are still in control of your life..... please everyone forgive me for the length of this message stay strong, plan for tomorrow but don't worry about it live in the day that you're, in deal with the next when it gets here.

[LostFairy]

Hi Hidden. I don't know you and you don't know me, but by reading your post and reading your responses to people who responded to you, I can immediately name at least one good quality you do have. You are very open and honest about your feelings. You say you don't read well, I don't either, but I can tell by your writings that you are very good at expressing yourself, and that itself is a very admirable trait. I do hope things go well for you and wish you the best with everything you are facing. Please keep me posted on your progress. Big hugs.

[Peaches2019]

No matter what we all have flaws. We all are the odd ball in some sort of fashion. But our imperfections make us perfect! Start an affirmation book.. it has helped me, and my help you too... remember letting your self be compassionate doesnt make you less of a person.

[ciley]

big boys DO cry.....love from ciley