Hi thanks for paying attention here.Lately I keep noticing mamas wishing I had my mom as she once was. But I realize I need to take advantage of any small as it may be moment that she is a bit like she used to be. And maybe I can try to accept that helping her at her worst may be the best I’ll get at this late stages of her Alzheimer’s disease.
She is now mostly a woman who doesn’t make much sense to us her family anymore because what she sees hears feels how she interrupts the world around her and her inner world is different that what we can understand fully. I find myself getting upset at her because she is fixated on saying the word evil and being mean screaming at and scaring my youngest son and trying to harm our dog. I understand that her brain is deteriorating and some of the things she does she has no control over. I also believe that her soul is still very beautifully created. Yet I just still have anger because I cannot get my mom back now and she’s right in front of me looking right at me but she doesn’t care a bit for me she doesn’t know me now.
Before the illness she was a very peaceful uplifting encouraging and positive person. I imagine she could have major depressive disorder and psychosis anxiety...she has a lot of hallucinations and delusions. My poor mama. I’ve actually been there myself because of mania of bipolar and a similar psychosis from depression. There are so many worlds of experience aren’t there?
I feel it’s good to get my thoughts out here. I don’t really know how to treat her sometimes. Ya know? There’s a lot of layers of stuff built up in our lives and I wish to just let go so I will now. 🙏 😊 thank you