Noticing Mamas All Around Lately And ... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Noticing Mamas All Around Lately And Wishing

Starrlight
Starrlight

Hi thanks for paying attention here.Lately I keep noticing mamas wishing I had my mom as she once was. But I realize I need to take advantage of any small as it may be moment that she is a bit like she used to be. And maybe I can try to accept that helping her at her worst may be the best I’ll get at this late stages of her Alzheimer’s disease.

She is now mostly a woman who doesn’t make much sense to us her family anymore because what she sees hears feels how she interrupts the world around her and her inner world is different that what we can understand fully. I find myself getting upset at her because she is fixated on saying the word evil and being mean screaming at and scaring my youngest son and trying to harm our dog. I understand that her brain is deteriorating and some of the things she does she has no control over. I also believe that her soul is still very beautifully created. Yet I just still have anger because I cannot get my mom back now and she’s right in front of me looking right at me but she doesn’t care a bit for me she doesn’t know me now.

Before the illness she was a very peaceful uplifting encouraging and positive person. I imagine she could have major depressive disorder and psychosis anxiety...she has a lot of hallucinations and delusions. My poor mama. I’ve actually been there myself because of mania of bipolar and a similar psychosis from depression. There are so many worlds of experience aren’t there?

I feel it’s good to get my thoughts out here. I don’t really know how to treat her sometimes. Ya know? There’s a lot of layers of stuff built up in our lives and I wish to just let go so I will now. 🙏 😊 thank you

10 Replies
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It’s really awful, to go through the deterioration of a parent, it happened to both of mine, and you have to be the adult, whilst they turn childlike almost! Take heart from the small stuff, i looked after both my parents for four years , eventually they went into a home, but it was still difficult, rejoice in the little things she dies that remind you of her old spark, and try not to take it personally, love and hugs 💕 your friend xxxx

Sorry for your losses sweet Florida (((((((((( Hug)))))))))) ❤️

It was 9 years ago, they are in my heart now, pain has gone xxx

Hidden
Hidden

What a difficult thing to go through, for you both.

Take care.

Greta

Starrlight
Starrlight in reply to Hidden

Thanks you take care too ((((((((Hug))))))))

Hidden
Hidden

The Lord God loves us regardless of how we act; he does not like when we behave badly but He still sees us and loves us. This is what I hear you saying. Your mom is at a different season in her life. I pray that God brings her peace and calm through her days. As always hoping and praying the best for you and your family. 💕

Starrlight
Starrlight in reply to Hidden

Thank you so much my friend. Thanks for always being here for me ❤️ love to you. I was just asking a friend how she feels love andvyou just answered what deep down I already knew , God loves us so.

Hi Starlight.

I so feel for you. I was very moved by what you wrote, and you wrote it so eloquently.

My mother had the first stages of dementia before she died 4 years ago.

I belong to a singing group and we have done some work on singing with people with dementia. It is amazing how it can sometimes bring a response from people who have not communicated for years. It may be worth trying to sing a song to her that she used to love.

My mother remained very much herself as she died because her heart failed because she was so frail so the dementia had not fully taken hold. She only failed to recognise us once, whilst ill as well. She just constantly forgot things that had just happened and would ask the same question over and over because she was instantly forgetting the answer she received.

I made poetry books for her with her favourite poems in then and included her favourite art work prints and photographs of nature and of the family. We would spend hours reading the books together and it brought a very special closeness.

I am not sure if your mum could respond to anything like that but I am sure that her responses to your son and use of strange words although very upsetting in no way demonstrate the person she truly is. With psychosis as you know people can be taken over by completely horrendous and evil delusions that do not reflect them in anyway. There is no reason not to think the same is true of dementia, as well as the fact that you say your mother may have psychosis and anxiety. How terribly sad that she is having to suffer in that way. Your kind and caring mum is still there but the ravages of the terrible conditions she is suffering from make it impossible for her to be herself. It is wonderful that you see that, so many relatives of people with dementia are not able to which is understandable but sad for both sides.

As well as singing, photos or poetry, I wonder if your mother might also respond to cuddly toys a little. In my work with children who suffered developmental trauma we had a tiny toy rabbit or mouse you could buy which just sits in the palm of your hand. It can be switched on and will shiver. Children who lack empathy because of the trauma they have suffered can have them in their hands and learn to stroke and comfort the little animal. This could perhaps help your mum, and your children in that they could be helped to understand grandma's problems more by helping her. Not to imply they need this however.

Scientists have developed a toy baby seal which is very life like and can talk to dementia patients and physically respond to strokes cuddles etc. There are very few available yet ofcourse. They have found that even patients with advanced dementia who are completely locked in themselves and have not spoken for months, can respond positively to the seal and will even talk to it.

My mother loved presents of life like furry animals such as a deer and a baby tiger. They were small so as not to take up too much room in the bedroom of her care home. I also gave her a toy cat which was curled up as if sleeping but could purr if you turned on a switch. She had it on her knee for hours stroking it and used to think it was real and so was good company for her at times. She was not upset when she realised it was not real and would forget it existed completely when she could not see it. This was to be expected with her memory loss.

My very best wishes to you and your family.

Kim

Starrlight
Starrlight in reply to Kkimm

I’m sorry for the loss of your mom. I’m glad the singing really helped her. I made my mom a memory box and placed special items in it I made her a board with pinned up poems and pictures and many other little things but now she is in a constant state of turmoil she is constantly angered and upset storming around confused and I think I will slip her an ativan that my father wont give her. He doesn’t think she needs it and I think he’s crazy and in denial or something. Oh you mentioned toys yes she does love her light up talking toys. That’s a positive. You are beautiful and I thank you for sharing your story and tips with me 😊 🙏

Kkimm
Kkimm in reply to Starrlight

You too, pleased to be of help

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