Summer, What's the Plan?

I'm on summer break now, since the semester is over for college. I think most people are stoked to be back home and spend time with friends or family.

But, me? This is a time where I'm disappointed about not having friends to hangout with. I have a supportive family, but I'm not much conversation for them. No matter who I approach, I see through how uninterested they are of me, and honestly, I don't blame them. I don't offer a fun time, and summer should be all about fun, right? That's what I wish I could bring and had.

I'll miss out on bonfires, forth of July firework events, swimming days, carnival rides, late night dates, drinking days full of laughter, and so much more.

I hate it; has anyone else felt the same way?

[explorerPHX]

Absolutely I have felt the same way. i can totally understand what you are talking about.

[bluestars725]

I understand what you mean. I have a very large extended family, and I miss out on a lot of gatherings because of my anxiety and depression. However, when I do force myself to go to things I don't feel like anyone is interested in me either, even when I make the effort to really try and engage in conversation. Maybe they can see the suffering in my eyes or something, but I feel like I don't offer a fun time either. I hate it too.

[Hidden in reply to bluestars725]

Maybe that's why people seem uninterested in me, because they see my pain. Like today at work, a couple people asked if I was mad and to not look so gloomy, but I had no idea I had a negative look on my face...but...I sure was thinking negatively, as I usually do with my depression, so maybe it shows on the outside.

[bluestars725 in reply to Hidden]

I'm sorry that happened. ❤️ I've had people say the same sort of thing to me too. I think I used to be better at hiding it, but it's gotten so much harder, which is why I miss out on a lot of stuff. I had a moment recently when I went to meet up with a friend, and within 20 seconds of me sitting down they said, "you seem off today", so maybe it does show.

[Hidden in reply to bluestars725]

Same, people who have known me almost my whole life said that recently I've looked sad, and I was shocked they said that because I've been sad for such a long time, but have always been able to hide it from them, but evidently I'm not anymore. I guess as my depression progresses, the more it's going to start to show.

[bluestars725 in reply to Hidden]

Same here! I've been struggling for a long time, but I was so surprised because no one had ever said that to me before. I'm so embarrassed that I can't really hide my generalized anxiety disorder or depression anymore. Having anxiety attacks in front of people, or just being stuck in the gray fog of depression to the point where people notice has been so difficult. My doctor keeps trying to remind me that these are illnesses and it's not my fault, but it's so frustrating.

[Hidden in reply to bluestars725]

You're right, it's frustrating, because whether it is your fault or not, you still have to live with it. Anxiety and depression sits in the mind, and it's not simple enough to just shake it away. It's something you have to bare with, and it's miserable.

[bluestars725 in reply to Hidden]

True. I wish it was that simple. It's not something you can just get over or snap out of. There have been many moments when everyone around me is having fun and enjoying themselves, and I feel completely miserable.

[Hidden in reply to bluestars725]

I can say that's how it is for me more often than not; I hate it, terrible feeling.

[bluestars725 in reply to Hidden]

Same here.

[xxx8900]

I am also coming home from college this upcoming week and I feel the exact same way. I'm excited to see my mom, but she has been in denial about my mental health issues so I feel like I don't have a support system at home and I'm terrified.

[Hidden in reply to xxx8900]

I'm sorry to hear, and I hope she realizes the depth of your mental health issue eventually. It's so difficult to cope with anything when you're so caught up in depression.

[EmbraceMyweirdness]

Do you go out, are there any sororities in your school, great place to make friends, school's not out for me yet lol lucky you

[Hidden in reply to EmbraceMyweirdness]

There are but I'm a little late in the game to be accepted into one. I also only have one more year to go and I'll have to spend my time keeping up with classes and searching for internships. You are right, though, that would be a great thing you get involved in.